I am not sure how services talk to each other and categorise things.
However, from senior school onwards my experience with my son I have never had an issue with having my DS needs acknowledged by the various agencies eg vulnerable for multiple reasons and high care needs. So my experience has been that no one challenges his care level needs, it’s just how many hours as an adult social care he should get eg how many hours will we allow him to be on university campus ( no one disputes that he has to be velcroed unless having a mentor session)
I get the impression that if social care needs go above a certain level at that point you enter into a discussion on how those needs are efficiently provided for eg in a supported housing setting with additional PA support as opposed to 24/7 PA support. We are not there yet as DS lives at home so his support is still anchored by what support I provide. At present he gets lots of hours as he is at university but I am worried that once he leaves and if he is still living at home he will only get say 35 hours per week ( including respite) and more care will fall on me and I’m in my 60s. If that is the case, I will refuse to care and he will have to go into supported living. Being a carer at this level has a profound impact on our lives. The lack of freedom and spontaneity hits hard.
There clearly is some shorthand in all the various reports that we have to indicate something so that we never have to reinvent the wheel.
Things were different in junior school where (in my opinion) a crazed headmaster tried to diminish his needs. As a consequence, we were only awarded 1:1 suoort in lesssons requiring recording. The upshot was that secondary school was grossly unprepared for the student they got and had to play catch up eg placing 1:1 support into Domestic Science as my son could not be let loose with knives and PE ( as my son had to go 1:1 off curriculum) and also positioning him onto the severely disabled ( special school attached j table at mealtimes so he had a safe space.
I think that this middling level of disability is more challenging to categorise when very young but as they become older the gulf between him and his peers widens massively.
For me, the issue as a carer, is the lack of recognition in the system for those who have to provide significant care. So I get the same carers allowance as someone who provides care to their disabled son/ daughter who left home to go to university and is not even living in the same city as the person they care for, They provide care by telephone. I mean this is ludicrous.
There was no suggestion that my son would go to university in a different city. In contrast, I have to accumulate my weekly respite hours if I want a short break with my DH and ensure that the Pa is suitable eg to cook, clean out sons toilet ( gets blocked by constipation) shave my son ( he leaves off bits) cut his finger nails etc and organise all his daily activities when not at university. If he moved to halls of residence he would need 24 hour 1:1 for his own safety. So to know that people can get carers allowance and not remotely have these restrictions on their lives is upsetting.
For me the simple divide is whether the disabled person can communicate their needs for themselves or they need everything communicated by others. how independent can they ever be.
When a person can eloquently communicate their care needs I find it hard to see that person as disabled as my son who can’t even tell the PA he is having an asthma attack and sticks his head out of the window instead. He can’t say ‘ I tried to cook, it was a rubbish meal and am really hungry’ instead he alarmed life skills by saying ‘ i want to die, I will kill my self’
At the same time, my son is a world away from those profoundly disabled who have little communication and smear their own poo. I don’t thing these needs are just different, they are more intense. I think it’s crazy not to acknowledge that.
For me, there is a point where ASD is really not an invisible disability. There is no way is presents in my son as invisible. Maybe when he was younger. Most people see it within a few minutes of interaction.
So for me the divide is the intensity of the needs. How often does the carer need to care eg is it a phone call once a day, is it minute by minute, hour by hour or is it several hours a day etc. So my son can be left alone for a couple of hours but needs checking in with after that.
If you don’t need daily care your level of needs are in a different category and frankly have less impact on the lives of others.
So putting it simply do your care needs impact others ( your carers) on a minute, hour, several hours per day or weekly or occasional basis.