How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

[Greengage1983]

A family member recently passed away and had named me and another relative as be executors of her will, because she thinks her own DC would argue if left to sort it out themselves. (I think we're talking low-level bickering and personality clashes rather than big arguments over who gets what...). However, the other executor has announced that he has changed his mind (the will was written some years ago), and wants to renounce the role, leaving just me (unless I renounce too). His reasons for renouncing are that he thinks the DC will argue anyway, whether or not we are involved, but if we are executors then we'll be the ones getting it in the neck, so we might as well leave them to it. A solicitor friend of mine also told me it's absolutely massive hassle and strongly advised me to renounce too. She basically made it sound like it would ruin my life for the next year and make me fall out with my whole family lol.

But I was thinking... the will is the will, so what exactly is there to argue about? And what involvement would the DC even have in the day-to-day business of the executors..? Isn't it a case of the executor just getting on with it, and then giving the DC and any other named beneficiaries their money at the end? Am I being hopelessly naive in thinking I could do it?? (Two of the DC couldn't make a cheese sandwich together without arguing, and one of them has been described as being able to start an argument in an empty room...)

Would be grateful for any experiences.

YABU - renounce
YANBU - accept the role

I've done it twice. Once for my father, which was fairly simple as he just left everything to my mum. I did have to sort out all his pensions, life insurances etc. Then I did it for my mum, which was more complicated as she had made various monetary gifts over a few years and I had to sort out all the inheritance tax, which wasn't much fun. You have to pay any tax due before paying anything out to the beneficiaries, and it can take several months before probate is granted and you can't pay anything out before then either, or sell any property. It can be difficult if beneficiaries don't understand that and are badgering you for their share. Then there are all the bills to pay - notifying all the utility companies etc. And, as with my dad, the pensions, life insurances etc.

I have 2 sisters but for some reason both my parents thought I would be able to manage things more easily than them. I was ill anyway at the time my mum died and it was all extremely difficult for me - I would say it nearly broke me - but I was ill and suffering extreme grief. If you are not as close to your family member and an organised and sensible person who is capable of looking up all the legal requirements you should be able to manage it. However it does depend on how much hassle you get from the beneficiaries. My mum had a good clear will, and had also written down who was to get what from her personal effects in a separate list, so there were very few disagreements and nothing serious. When my late ex FIL died, however, there were HUGE ructions about who got his car - he didn't have much else to leave - and it has caused long lasting divisions in the family. It was all nothing to do with me, thank goodness!

If you decide to step down you can appoint a solicitor to do it... but that will have a cost.

I wouldn’t go anywhere near that situation.

I believe if the beneficiaries think you have disadvantaged them financially they can come after your personal assets and it sounds like they could well gang up against you.

My DH is still sorting out probate issues after his father died in 2003, clawback clauses on farmland so unlikely to affect a normal probate situation but still I wouldn’t have expected so many issues over the years.

They could contest the will. They could be on the phone to you endlessly wanting information and updates. They could whine to you that their share wasn't fair.

You can make a decision as the executor to pass it all into the hands of a solicitor. They'd take a fee in the thousands from the estate to do the work. You could choose to do this at any point down the line. If they become difficult, you can step away then.

I would think it depends on your relationship with the DC, and how you would feel if they became difficult.
Could you tell them to stop contacting you until you had an update for everyone? Would you feel OK blocking them or muting them temporarily? Do they listen to you? Respect you? Is the will an even split between them, or would someone think the split was unfair or controversial?

Have you already read the will? If yes then you should have some idea how complicated it will be to execute the deceased's wishes.

A will with lots of individual bequests and potential for challenge over a large estate above IHT threshold would be much more time consuming than division of a small estate equally between all beneficiaries. Taking on the executor role depends a lot on the estate and will itself. I executed my DFs and will do the same for my DM in due course as its a simple will and no liklihood of challenge by any beneficiary.

I would agree with some of the comments above which say it depends on how complicated the estate is. I have been joint executor twice, in both cases neither had a house or enough money to involve the paying of inheritance tax so were fairly simple. Also, unlike in the OP's case, no-one was arguing over anything. If I was in a position of being expected to deal with a more complex estate I would unhesitatingly employ a solicitor to do the work on my behalf.

Unless you’re the only executor, I would renounce. I am one of three named executors and (in my case) it is almost impossible to reach agreement and make decisions as all have to agree.

My partner has no involvement with his sister due to issues that arose when he was executor of their mother's will. We also had a lot of difficulties with his other sister and in particular her partner who thought it was taking too long🙄. I would not recommend at all. Pay a solicitor and give someone else the hassle and earache.

Can I just ask what sort of decisions need to be made? I thought it was just a case of following the procedure and doing what the will says, but is it more complicated than that?

You can renain anexecutor but instruct a solicitor. They do all the admin you just sign documents and give them instrucgions e.g they get an offer for the house you drcide if to accept it. The costs of the solicitor come out of the estate. They normally charge a percentage. You will need to tell them what bank accounts and other assets and bills the deceased had.

My husband wouldn’t do it again, he did it as a last act of love for my mum, but it was a lot and tough for him as he was also grieving. He had laser focus and had it done in record time but it was a burden he didn’t need.

I would only do it if I was good at paperwork and not emotionally entangled.

It depends on the will and how straightforward it is. I've done it and it was easy because there was only two beneficiaries and it was equal.
Like PP have said you can instruct a solicitor. They charge a percentage of the entire estate so if you're talking property this could be a lot

I've done it three times and didn't find it too onerous but had very straightforward wills and compliant beneficiaries, I also enjoy admin (there's a lot). In your circs I think I would be instructing a solicitor.

If the will is straightforward it’s not difficult. DH is currently doing it for a friend whose husband didn’t leave a will. It’s a nightmare because he had kids from his first marriage and also adopted his second wife’s daughter. Add into the mix the widow living in one country, the daughter in another and the two boys elsewhere…

for me it would depend on

• how straightforward the estate would generally be to administer. Some cash in an account and basic person belongings is one thing, having to sell a house is more difficult and requires judgment.
• how big is the estate - would it eat a lot of it to get a professional to do it
• is there unhelpful ambiguity in the will
• who the deceased was - more likely to do it for a sibling than a remote cousin I rarely met.

if I was then going to do it I would be reading the riot act to the recipients that I would be tolerating no nonsense and did they agree to that.

@Greengage1983 The parent was wise enough to nominate executors outwith their own children, precisely because they foresaw possible issues.

It is not as simple as, you as the executor, "just" administering the will to the letter of the law.

Family members can contest a will or challenge an executor's decisions if they believe the will is invalid, the executor is acting unfairly, or they haven't been properly provided for.

Given that the children will likely be problematic, it should give you pause for thought.

This site may help with your decision

Do not do it. My DH is a solicitor and was the executor for his uncles estate. It took a ridiculous amount of time and its a lot of responsibility. I wouldn't do it for anyone other than a parent.

You get nothing from it except stress and losing your free time (and potentially being sued) - just so that your friend's children can avoid solicitors fees on the estate.

There is nothing to stop the OP from being the executor and hiring a solicitor. The estate will then pay the solicitor fees.

But why would you? The OP isn't a beneficiary. She gains nothing from doing this apart from the stress and hassle of being involved with potentially bickering relatives. She can just refuse and then a law firm will do it.

But also no skin off OP’s nose if some of the estate goes to the solicitor. This is what I’d do if you’re wanting to carry on but nervous of the responsibility OP.

It’s not too bad if it’s just paper work, sorting pensions/bank accounts etc. But proper hard work if there’s a house to sell…Odd not to have the beneficiary’s as the executors really.

Well exactly. Thats what Im saying. Why would you take this on when it does not affect you for a couple of thousand from the estate to be spent on legal fees.

If you're not doing the actual work then why would you want to be involved at all since you're the one who will get the stick from the beneficiaries. Just hand it to a law firm.

If selling a property, the usual questions about which offer to accept. What to do with an unsold property in tetms of maintenance. How hard to look for aunt Edna who was left the pearl ring. Etc.

All depends on the complexity, ie assets to sell, esp houses, can be complicated, the beneficiaries can argue about what it sells for/how to max out the price etc etc, same with any investments the testator has.

Also how assets are split too can cause arguments.

I was executor once and it was stressful, caused arguments, involved a great deal of time.

Asked my brother about this as he sorted my mums will ( he was only named executor)

He said it wasn't difficult to do . Mum had a house to sell and was leaving different amounts of money to her kids. But it would've been easier on a will from someone less close

He was also the main beneficiary by a long way

Interestingly enough my dad's will which left everything to my youngest sister ( except house with automatically went to his wife ) was given to another sister to be the executor and she handed it to a solicitor as she lived abroad

I did it on my own twice for my mum and dad who were divorced. I thought it would be very hard and complicated but it wasn’t. I feel proud that I did that for my parents. Solicitors will charge a lot - money that should go to the beneficiaries.

The new pension rules re IHT look hellish. There will probably be a lot less non professional executors appointed when those come in.