How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

[Greengage1983]

A family member recently passed away and had named me and another relative as be executors of her will, because she thinks her own DC would argue if left to sort it out themselves. (I think we're talking low-level bickering and personality clashes rather than big arguments over who gets what...). However, the other executor has announced that he has changed his mind (the will was written some years ago), and wants to renounce the role, leaving just me (unless I renounce too). His reasons for renouncing are that he thinks the DC will argue anyway, whether or not we are involved, but if we are executors then we'll be the ones getting it in the neck, so we might as well leave them to it. A solicitor friend of mine also told me it's absolutely massive hassle and strongly advised me to renounce too. She basically made it sound like it would ruin my life for the next year and make me fall out with my whole family lol.

But I was thinking... the will is the will, so what exactly is there to argue about? And what involvement would the DC even have in the day-to-day business of the executors..? Isn't it a case of the executor just getting on with it, and then giving the DC and any other named beneficiaries their money at the end? Am I being hopelessly naive in thinking I could do it?? (Two of the DC couldn't make a cheese sandwich together without arguing, and one of them has been described as being able to start an argument in an empty room...)

Would be grateful for any experiences.

YABU - renounce
YANBU - accept the role

I've done it twice. First time was when my dad died but it was very simple and everything was left to my mum. She provided all the financial info and I completed the forms myself. His estate was the simplest ever.

Second time was for DH two years ago. Although it was another simple and straightforward will, I just didn't feel emotionally up to it so I got Coop Legal Services to do it. They charge a fixed fee instead of a percentage of the estate value. The most difficult bit was providing them with all the financial info. Once they submitted the forms probate was granted within two weeks.

I think I'd be more hesitant in your scenario. Whether you do it yourself, or get a legal firm to do it, you still need to provide details of bank accounts, savings, pensions, investments etc for the forms. You'll have to send a copy of the death certificate to the organisations that hold the money of the deceased and ask them for confirmation of the value of the money held at the date of death and the amount of income received during the last tax year up to the date of death. You'll also have to ask them to freeze the bank accounts so no one can take money out without the correct legal authority.

You may also have to contact other organisations - insurance companies, council tax offices, utility companies etc to inform them of the death and get accounts cancelled, although possibly NOK may be able to do this, I'm not certain.

It's a thankless task that I recommend you avoid.

From my experience beneficiaries see the assets and mentally start spending it in their minds. The idea of using an individual as an executor rather than handing the whole thing over to a firm of solicitors is to save costs (anything other than a simple estate with no disputes will cost around £10k in legal fees).

However rather than thanking you for your free service, expect the beneficiaries to be blaming you for the slow pace of resolution, aggressively challenging you on estate valuation (everyone sees the assets and nobody sees the debts) and possibly accusations of you personally defrauding the estate when they get really pissed off.

I would explain to them that you too will be declining the role of executor because of their behaviour and they can hand the whole thing over to the solicitors that will charge them for the privilege.

It's a massive hassle even before any arguments about it.

It depends how much spare time you have amd how much you enjoy admin and bureaucracy. You have to go through a determined set of steps, correctly, so that you aren't personally liable for future claims. Thats enough to put anyone off, because you might end up getting sued by disgruntled relatives. Even if they are vexatious claims, its still time, effort amd hassle you could do without.

I'm a qualified accountant, and have worked in contracts, legal and governance my whole life. I still found it time consuming doing the forensic on the finances and getting the right legal advice for mum when it was dad's will. Thankfully I was only the reserve executor and mum did the official legal bit with a (paid) lawyer doing the actual filing.

Placemarking

As a previous person mentioned, if you are not personally benefitting and therefore want to do it in the least stress free way possible, appoint a solicitor to act on your behalf.

If I were the siblings, I would be mortified someone else had been appointed outside of us. You would be well within your rights to remind them of that opinion frequently. Also inform them even simple wills normally take 6 months as a minimum before anything is divided.

I was an executor recently. It was a lot of work and a lot of responsibility but there isn’t lots of helpful information to guide you though the process.

DH and I are currently executors for my MIL's estate.

We have handed it over to a solicitor to deal with and we just need to sign things occasionally. This will hopefully mean the other beneficiary (second son) won't judge us by his own money grabbing standards and accuse of us of anything.

Yes, it will reduce the estate by £5K in costs but I really don't care about that.

My sibling and I did my mother’s. It was straightforward since we were joint beneficiaries and our main aim was to get everything sorted out as fast as possible. We had advice from someone who’d been through the process before. A lot will depend on the will and how complicated it is.

Run a mile unless you're also a beneficiary of the will; executorship is time-consuming, often stressful, and carries legal responsibilities which shouldn't be taken lightly. Your co-executor is right to have renounced. If the DC can't be trusted to play nicely, their inheritance will be reduced by the solicitors' fees.

It's beyond me why anyone appoints executors in the expectation the role will be undertaken as a labour of love (although I appreciate some will be willing to act on that basis and might have volunteered their services, possibly without knowledge of what it entails).

I was my nan's executor for the same reason. Even though she had very little they (her children) still argued, bickered, and accused me of fiddling. Spreadsheets and screenshots are your friends. I took screenshots of all statements, balances and letters from banks - savings, current account, insurance, funeral bills, other bills/debts. Then I compiled a spreadsheet with all monies in and out and sent copies to everyone along with the letters/screenshots. Fortunately, she was poor so there was no inheritance tax or overly complicated things to worry about.
One cousin still doesn't speak to me because I wouldn't give her any money. Why would I when she wasn't named in the will? Overall I was pleased to be able to do it and have a thick enough skin to deal with my wanky cousins (which is why I think my nan asked me 😂)

It depends on how simple/complicated the estate of the deceased is. If they had property or substantial savings (which are likely to be spread across several accounts), it can be quite an undertaking. Especially if you aren’t going to benefit financially yourself.

I had originally put my brother as one of my executors but having seen how stressful he found sorting out our parents wills, we have replaced him with our solicitor.

If you aren't a beneficiary then don't even think about it. It's hard work, time consuming, an onerous responsibility and a thankless task. Renounce Renounce Renounce.

I've been named as executor for both my grandparents wills (I was also a beneficiary) - they named their two eldest grandchildren. I remember them telling us and I expressed some reservation as I didn't live locally, worked full time and had small children. They brushed that off and said "oh it will just be signing a few forms". But when the time came (GF died suddenly) there was SO much to do even though there were also solicitors. The whole house had to be cleared and all their paperwork and other effects gone through to identify bank accounts, pensions, utilities, items of value (solicitors don't do that). GM had started to get dementia and couldn't remember much of use. My cousin got really annoyed because I couldn't keep taking days off work to travel down to help. The other beneficiaries kept moaning that it was taking too long and too much was being racked up in legal costs and moaning that we hadn't tried hard enough to get a high enough price for the car, house etc. When GM passed 2 years later she was in a home with only liquid assets and limited chattels so that was much easier.

My husband has done it 3 times for his parents and now his brother. It's so much time and hassle. The other executor has renounced so it's all on him though I've been helping a lot with going through the house and stuff. (I'm also a solicitor though not a probate one, so have been able to do certified copies etc.) It took us nearly half a day to fathom how to get the heating back on so the pipes didn't freeze. 2 days to fully clear his kitchen of old food and rubbish/recycling. The solicitors told him he had a duty to insure the house etc so this is all money out of pocket. He also paid for the funeral and to get the front door replaced (police had to break in after he died). Those sums will get refunded from the estate but probably not for months so he's really out of pocket and will also have to cough up for the IHT before probate is granted. Our house is piled up with potentially valuable effects (rare books and art) which the executor is obliged to get valued and auctioned (if any meaningful value). He is beneficiary to part of the estate but feels irritated that the other 2 beneficiaries are not offering to help with the work (admittedly there is no legal obligation) and just sitting pretty waiting for their cash.

Sorry I'm droning on and on but just trying to convey that you really should not touch with a barge pole!!!

I've had a couple of friends tell me (not ask) that they've done a will and appointed me as executor. I think they reckon as I'm a solicitor I'll do the legal work for free and save their darling kids some cash. So cheeky! I've said quite bluntly that I will probably need to renounce as I dont think that is workable. One of them was quite huffy and said she had thought I would be flattered!

What really annoyed me was being personally significantly out of pocket (insurance etc) and giving up an incredible amount of time on a complex estate and then for the beneficiaries to accuse me of taking too long and fiddling the estate. They even went as far as early legal action against me which was quickly dismissed with evidence, but it did rack up further legal costs which simply further reduced the value of the estate to the detriment of the beneficiaries.

I would run away from it as fast as you can.

I'm not sure what you mean by "insurance etc", but all executor expenses should be claimed back from the estate.

The executor expenses get paid by the estate yes (if there is money in it) but usually not until probate which can be months later. My husband has coughed up almost 10k as executor expenses so far and probably won't get those back for another 6 months and there will probably be more in the meantime including paying IHT which is required before probate. So it's made a massive dent in our finances for now.

So you're right that the estate pays eventually but the executor will often have a cash flow issue in the meantime.

It really depends on the complexity of the estate.

I’ve done it twice.

Once was a rented house, limited funds in the bank, and relatively little to sort as they knew they were dying and had even cleared out their house and listed exactly who was to get what. No IHT, no pensions (all cashed in on terminal diagnosis) and no family arguments.

Second was a totally different story and I’d have renounced at the start had I realised how complicated it was going to be. Well over the IHT threshold. Complicated paperwork trail - to the point of discovering joint bank accounts still in use from when his wife died 12 years previously. Nothing sorted properly from his late wife’s estate. 13 bank accounts, 8 pensions, to this day I’m not 100% convinced that we found everything despite hiring a specialist in the end as it got too complicated. Add into that the fact his two sons hate each other, he verbally promised them both different things to what he stated in his will and it was a bloody nightmare.

I did my Dad's and it nearly went to Court Order with my step family - so it wasn't without trouble. But it was fine.
I'd do it - but then I like organising things. Being sole Executor is best but have a solicitor work with you to submit all the forms and intercede if there's a dispute (this reduces costs considerably). No one has to see the Will (though it is best if you inform all beneficiaries that they are named). Do place the Gazette to ensure there are no further claims on money (the solicitor can do this for you). Create an Executor's Account at Natwest to collate and disburse money (I suggest NatWest as they are the only one that allow you to collate money before Probate is granted). Record every expense you incur so you can pay yourself money due when Probate granted. Probate is being granted quite quickly at the mo so your main hold up will be collating all the information to apply for it/tax return.

If there’s money in bank/savings accounts many institutions will direct pay IHT or meet estate expenses before probate is granted eg NatWest here:
www.natwest.com/life-moments/bereavement.html#faqs

Thank you. Unfortunately in our case there's very little in the bank, just some in a pension and the value of the house and chattels (not yet sold).

That’s very difficult for your DH then. Just wanted to make others aware of the possibility as it’s hard enough being an executor as it is.

If there is enough in the deceased accounts(s) banks will pay essential funeral costs and also IHT. There's actually not a lot they will pay, including house insurance, utility bills, and house clearance costs if needed.

Much depends on the size of the estate and whether it includes a property.

Also, it's worth checking the level at which the relevant banks etc are willing to release funds without probate on production of a death certificate and identification, e.g, with Nationwide it's up to £50k and Lloyds up to £25k.

I've done it because I was one of the beneficiaries.

The other beneficiaries did other tasks - cleared the property, arranged the funeral so everyone did something.

I would not do it otherwise. Immense hassle, personal financial risk for what - people resenting you and potentially falling out with family.

People are so strange. In any other circumstances if you told someone you'd volunteered them to do some work for which they wouldn't be paid, could be sued and where the amount of the time and effort involved couldn't even be quantified in advance, you'd expect a pretty short and direct answer.

My husband was executor for both his parents and we found it pretty straightforward to sort things out. Technically my Mum was my Dad's executor but in practice I did everything. My brother and I will be her executors. I am expecting to do most of the work, which is fine, because I like doing that kind of thing and he doesn't, and I have a lot more time than he does (he's still working, I'm not). We get on well and it's a simple will so I'm not expecting any difficulties.

In the OP's circumstances I would be saying no. She is not a beneficiary, so it sounds like an enormous amount of work and possible unpleasantness for no return at all. The beneficiaries will need to get a solicitor or other professional to do it and resign themselves to losing several thousand from the estate because of their inability to get on with each other and behave like sensible adults.

The relative thought there would be conflict so they left it to you and another person to sort. The other person renounced so it's all on you.

I'm not in your country but dealing with my husband's estate, despite being married, was pretty time consuming and draining. There is no way I would do it for anyone else other that parents or kids.

Especially given that this sounds like it's going to be high conflict. No way would I put myself in the middle of bickering relatives' finances.

You have to open an estate account, get all paperwork together, find all accounts, get all bills together and deal with creditors if any, deal with pension and insurance payout, it is a ton of paperwork. And if there's property that might need to be cleared and sold. You'll be out significant time and money.

Have you seen the will yet? If it is really plain what the deceased wanted to do with their estate then I would say do it yourself. Your solicitor friend who advised you not to, are you sure she wasn't touting for the business herself?

We are actually involved with this at the moment as DH and his brother are joint executors for FIL who died recently. In practice DH is doing most as he is retired so has more time.

I suppose it could be complicated if you don't know where all the assets are. Fortunately FIL kept all his paperwork in order and where everything is invested or saved. Of course you need to apply for probate but with the information to hand that was reasonably straightforward. People said it could take months to get it granted but to our astonishment they turned it round in about a fortnight.

Once you have realised all the assets then, if it is clear from the will what was intended, I don't see the problem. If their DC are unhappy about it then surely their beef is with their late parent not you? You are just carrying out their wishes.

On insurance, I was referring to the requirement on the executor to make sure any property is insured whilst the executor is in place.

Yes technically you are right that these costs can be recovered from the estate but that may take some time creating a cash flow problem. Plus there is rarely any compensation for the massive amount of time being an executor takes up.