How stressful is it being an executor of a will?

[Greengage1983]

A family member recently passed away and had named me and another relative as be executors of her will, because she thinks her own DC would argue if left to sort it out themselves. (I think we're talking low-level bickering and personality clashes rather than big arguments over who gets what...). However, the other executor has announced that he has changed his mind (the will was written some years ago), and wants to renounce the role, leaving just me (unless I renounce too). His reasons for renouncing are that he thinks the DC will argue anyway, whether or not we are involved, but if we are executors then we'll be the ones getting it in the neck, so we might as well leave them to it. A solicitor friend of mine also told me it's absolutely massive hassle and strongly advised me to renounce too. She basically made it sound like it would ruin my life for the next year and make me fall out with my whole family lol.

But I was thinking... the will is the will, so what exactly is there to argue about? And what involvement would the DC even have in the day-to-day business of the executors..? Isn't it a case of the executor just getting on with it, and then giving the DC and any other named beneficiaries their money at the end? Am I being hopelessly naive in thinking I could do it?? (Two of the DC couldn't make a cheese sandwich together without arguing, and one of them has been described as being able to start an argument in an empty room...)

Would be grateful for any experiences.

YABU - renounce
YANBU - accept the role

Closing bank accounts etc is easy, cancel bills. Then use a solicitor (usually fixed fee, about £1,500-£2,000 including VAT) or the rest. They'll do taxes and divide everything up. They'll sometimes charge by the hour if there's banking invovled. Open an executors account, any money banks want to transfer on closing can go in there, and bills on the estate can be paid from there

Renounce renounce renounce.

I have told my executor (and the kids) that she is to phone around and find a solicitor that works best for the circumstances of the time.

As Executor, you can appoint a solicitor to assist you. Also, you are not obliged to disclose Will contents until probate is granted.

My dad died nearly 2 years ago , myself & my brother were executors, thought it would be a doddle, bloody nightmare, everything was left to mum, but because dad had accounts in just his name it was like opening pandoras box, extremely stressful & at a time when you just want to grieve, in the end we got Lloyds bank to take it over. Took a year for probate.

How complicated is the will ?
How much is the estate ?

We have done it on a small but fairly complicated estate and it was fine. We did have some to and fro with the tax and pensions.

However it wasn't too bad you tot everything op ,pay debts and then pay the blueberries.

If you're close, it's bloody awful.

Not because it's technically difficult but because of the number of idiots you have to speak to, and the number of times you have to re-explain that your loved one has died. It really does break you over and over again.

If nothing in the Will bring left to you.It sounds like a massive hassle. Just resign form the role of Executor.
Simple as that.

I'd say it depends on the complexity of the estate. A property to sell, or other assets such as cars, or IHT to pay, will make it more difficult, and could lead to disputes about value if the heirs think the house has been sold too cheaply If the estate just consists of bank and other financial accounts/bills/contracts it is much more straightforward. Eventually you will end up with an amount of money that you use for paying expenses and debts, then split according to the will.

Of course there could be valuables that they don't want to sell and aren't listed in the will, so they might argue over that, such as who gets granddad's watch or mum's diamond ring. Can't help you there.

I am currently acting as executor of my father’s will - he died last October.
The actual will is very straightforward, everything to me and £10k to each of my three adult children, but the procedure of applying for probate is horrendous and has cost me many sleepless nights.
If you haven’t paid any IHT due by the end of the sixth month following the death they charge you interest and probate won’t be granted until the tax has been paid.
In my situation dad owned a flat upon which I’m racking up nearly £500 pcm in service etc charges which will all have to be settled out if his estate.
There wasn’t really anyone else to be executor and I wouldn’t have refused but it’s not easy.
One tip, when my mother died five years ago her estate was handled by a solicitor and the bill was nearly £5k. For dad I obtained all the valuations etc needed and my accountant is submitting probate. The bill is £2k.

I work in a solicitors, mostly in probate, if one of the beneficiaries could start an argument in an empty room I strongly advise you to walk away. There are personal risks involved for you in being executor anyway that I wouldn’t advise anyone to take on unless they’re personally benefitting from the Will.

Depends on the Estate but from what you have said I would let a Solicitor's sort it all out

I was coexecutor of my Mums with a Will - very straightforward

I was coexecutor for a relatives will where everything was going to 4 different charities - it was a nightmare - we appointed a Solicitor but the Charities were very demanding and aggressive in contacting me and arguing about costs and property insurance premium and sale price. Bear in mind I spent a lot of hours sorting stuff out which I did not get paid for but everytine the Charities argued something the Solicitors costs racked up

It depends entirely how complex the will is, and what the estate comprises. If there's a house to be sold, it immediately gets way more complex.

All three of my mum's executors renounced, and I ended up holding the baby. Unfortunately she left deferred care debt and a buy to let rental properly. Two years after her death, and things are still not resolved. I've had solicitors dealing with much of it, but it's still been a nightmare, as they still needed me to find the ask the information and documents they needed. And I've still been the one having to serve notice on the tenants, get the property fit to sell, and get it on the market.

I would never agree to be an executor after this experience.

If there's no property to sell, her money is in straightforward savings accounts, and it's just a case of applying for probate, you can hand it over to the solicitors and it could be over in six months. But I honestly don't know why anyone agrees to be an executor.

OP I was an executor for my Mum. I bought software that guided me through the process step by step. It also included template letters for utility companies, premium bonds, bank manager, pension and life insurance companies and lots of others I didn't even need. It sped the process up. I'd advise you to get 4 death certificate. Be aware that some companies just don't return it very quickly. So it's easier if you have several then you can just speed on with it without being held up. I know a friend who paid the solicitors to do it and it cost many thousands of pounds.

You also need to get items valued like rings or watches. Then if anyone named in will wants an item you deduct the value from their share. If more than one person wants an item draw names out of a hat in front of them so they can't complain.

The forms are straightforward. If there is property to sell the stress is weighty and difficult and frankly almost broke me.

I'm the executor of my parents will although I didn't want to and resisted for ages. I don't want the hassle. Their financial arrangements are complicated and potentially troublesome. However someone told me that it can be passed to a solicitor which is what I'm going to do. Perhaps that's an option OP?

My brother and I were executors for my late mother's will and we put the admin in the hands of a probate solicitor. They did 95% of the work and we just had some decisions to make. Money very well spent and no problems.

On the flip side, several friends of mine have been executors for relatives' wills. They did all the probate / admin themselves and it was an absolute nightmare in each case. Months of work and stress and none of them were the beneficiaries so didn't even reap the rewards at the end!

I would say if the family are willing to pay a probate solicitor to do the work, being the executor shouldn't be too difficult. If not, absolutely renounce. Why would you take on that kind of aggro!

I basically did it for my father in law. I wasn’t officially executor as mother in law was but I did all the work and it was fine. We didn’t have the house to sell though. The only part we never got sorted was the land registry to update my DH and SIL bring part owners now.

depends on if the dead person was organised and had everything organised

my late parents had a “death box”
everything from banks statment s insurance policy’s where the will was kept
funeral / life insurance policy’s
NI numbers marriage certicates were in the box

so it was easy

I did my mums for my dad so it was easy

When my dad passed away I used a company called Farewill to do the probate as there was a trust cost about 700 inc vat

they kept me updated every week by emails
took about 7 weeks to get probate

I would recommended them if you need a company to do it rather than a solicitor

you still have to send them all the stuff but you know it’s all being done correctly

But my son was the beneficiary of the estate
house / cash life insurance so it was fairly easy to deal with anyway

For us it was stuff like how to manage the estate account, and collect assets, how much to sell property for, and who to, what solicitor to use, what surveyer / valuer to use, how to categorise and allocate non-financial but sentimental assets, house clearance, reviewing and approving estate accounts, the list was endless and we had what we thought was a atraightforward will. Even if you hire a solicitor you still have to make joint decisions if there’s more than one of you. I’d only do it again if I was sole executor.

I personally wouldn't do it if the will/estate is complex and the beneficiaries are argumentative. Why would you take on a lot of misery and stress for nothing? They will not be grateful to you for taking on the job, there's no benefit to you.

My DH was executor for both his parents' wills, but they were straightforward (FIL left all to DH, MIL left all to DH bar a legacy to DS) although there were properties to be sold. DH had support from friends and family but it was still a bit stressful in the wake of his parents' deaths (they died a few months apart). Your situation sounds very different and I do think you will regret agreeing to take it on, although you can get someone else to do it instead of you during the process if it gets too much it probably will.

Very stressful and responsible

Don’t do it, is my advice

It's a time-consuming and onerous task OP.

I was executor for my DDad, who dies without a will but with most of his paperwork in order. I engaged a solicitor to help with probate and inheritance tax, and took the fees from the estate, but also did a lot myself.

A lot of the work was ringing his bank, ringing the tax office, sending off the death certificate to various places, paying up unpaid bills, and as he was semi-retired and had worked in the previous years, I had to do 2 tax returns. I got an accountant to do that. I also had to get a copy divorce certificate, sort out pensions - there were a lot of read headachy things to deal with.

I also had to clear and sell his house, which is stressful enough, but worse when you're grieving. Luckily none of us siblings squabbled about anything - that part of it was easy. I think I would gone over the edge if they had.

Think carefully OP - if it's not "a labour of love" for your beloved relative & other beneficiaries, I really wouldn't do it.

If you aren't going to benefit from the will then you'd be mad to take on the hassle.

If you are going to benefit, someone will sling mud.

Expect someone to be on the phone morning noon and night begging for money before anything is settled because they're... in debt, lost their job, can't make a payment, need to fix their broken car... and you'll be the bastard gatekeeping "their money" because you "love the power".

The deceased didn't trust them. The other executor obviously has concerns. Take heed. There is nothing goof in this for you. Noone will thank you and the absolute best you can hope for is a neutral result. Madness to put yourself through it.

I don't see why you'd want to get involved in this mess.

Hopefully you've clocked from the previous posts that people very much can find something to argue about when it comes to wills. Which leaves us with feelings of duty. Your relative's wishes already aren't going to be followed, as the other executor has pulled out. So that's a fait accompli. They chose multiple people for a reason, do you think they'd even want you carrying on alone and weathering what they knew were complete pain in the arse beneficiaries when they tried to prevent that happening in the first place?