To want to work part time?

[LavenderFlamingo]

I currently work 3 days a week in a public sector role and my pre tax salary is around £17k. My husband works full time in the energy sector and has a pre tax salary of £90k. The major argument in our house since kids has been money.

Before kids when I earned a full time wage i was able to pay 50:50 on most things with my husband, since kids I can no longer do this. I still contribute 2/3rds of my wage every month to household bills (energy, council tax) with the rest of my money going towards my petrol, family food shopping and maintenance of my car. I have no savings now and am spending my full wage on basic living every month. I also have outstanding credit card debt (£700) from my last maternity leave which i am trying to pay off monthly.

My husband has started getting on at me to change jobs and earn more money because he's tired of "supporting the family" (my financial contribution is less than his so clearly doesn't count in his eyes). Where we live there are very few part time jobs advertised that pay anything like what I earn now, majority are minimum wage. The only solution to me earning more money is going back full time which I resent when my husband could comfortably afford for me to be part time.

I know i am being selfish but I want to spend time with our children (currently 1 & 3) before they start school. My husband also told me this morning that he finds it humiliating when he has to tell people that I work in the public sector.

My husband does little housework and I do all the cooking. I also do all childcare pick ups and drop offs, doctors appointments and general life admin. I know that would remain the same if I worked full time.

Aibu to want to stay part time? Or does anyone have any tips for finding decent paid part time work? I feel like I'm drowning most days financially and can't ask my husband for help.

You need a calm adult conversation on both money and household tasks. Be open to full time work but on the condition that he will need to pick up 50% of all household tasks including sick days, pick ups etc plus you may need to buy in more help.

I had similar conversations but then later after we split an apology because he didn’t realise what I did to make his life so easy (beyond work) not to mention helped him with work things too

I think you’re asking the wrong question.

youve described a man who doesn’t see you as an equal partner, financially abuses you, (because on a household income of £107k you should not be living pay cheque to pay cheque), doesn’t parent, doesn’t contribute his share of housework (smaller than yours but should be enough to not be treating you like his servant), is horrible to you, dismissive of you.

why isn’t your question - how do I leave this man?

I mean what an absolute arse of a “husband “ Being embarrassed because you work a public sector job! Millions of people work in the PS. Leave him, take half and set up on your own.

Agree. It’s really frustrating.

Maybe your husband would like more time with your children before they start school but he can’t because he can hardly drop to part time as well can he?

he has a point that supporting the family financially is tiring not to mention stressful but clearly you don’t value his contribution in that respect just like he doesn’t value yours?

it’s not your husbands job to “comfortably afford for you to be part time” - if it’s not a decision you both agree on then you shouldn’t be doing it - have to be honest and say I’d resent my other half for refusing to contribute financially to the max of their earning potential too ….

not withstanding all the above - if you do go back full time then household jobs should also be more equal and your husband should do more to allow you to work more

Pull the other one @eastersundaes, it’s got bells on it. The op has very clearly described a man who leaves all the parenting to her, and considers all unpaid work, women’s work. There is no way on earth a man like this would willingly look after his own children unpaid.

Why can't he.... from the OPs post he definitely isn't contributing his entire salary to the house? She contributes to household bills, pays for 100% of groceries and also pays her own car costs.

The OPs earning potential if full time would likely be significantly outbalanced by the cost of childcare for a 1 and 3 year old... however she has stated that her PT position is temporary until the kids are in school.

This is a bit of a reach. She's doing things that need doing regardless. You don't get paid to watch your own kids and cook and clean in your own house. "Paying your own way" implies self-sufficiency, and you couldn't be financially self-sufficient on 17k a year pre-tax nowadays as far as I know.

Think maybe my point is a bit oblique. The point is, he's currently not doing any of the home stuff. If OP went full time, I'd wager he would expect the same level of 'service' at home. Seems he's so fixated on his own personal wealth, the only way to get through to him would be to spell it out in financial terms.

Tell him he can start to demonstrate how this could work by taking on 50% of domestic labour first.

i am quite concerned the sudden push is him making a plan to leave you and not wanting to be stiffed in the divorce due to you being a low earner and the children’s main carer if you worked full time and they were in childcare it’d be easier for him to argue for 5050

I agree

Your husband is coercive idiot.
I would like to know what he is doing with his left over money every month when you're having to spend practically every penny of yours.
Also what's his problem with working in the public sector? The pension is generous and your job is likely to be more secure than a private sector job in the current climate.
He needs to give his head a wobble .