To expect him to get up?

[Selfishman]

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6.

He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him.
He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

What a prick. Does he have any redeeming qualities whatsoever?

If this is his usual behaviour then I would be reconsidering the relationship. The child crying is troubling.

Your child is frightened of his dad, who ignores you, and his child !!

What is the point of this man? Your child is already scared of him. Are you ok with that because I wouldn't be.

No, he has no redeeming features at all.hes angry with me now and I'm not even sure why.

Yes it is usual behaviour to be completely selfish. He will argue with me how it's not normal for a child to wake so early (8 is not early).

DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning.
Was this a firm agreement, and what was the exact arrangement? (E.g., did you agree that you'll send DS to DP's room when he woke up). If you had an agreement, your DP is being a selfish dick. If not, you need to set clear plans in future so he can't wriggle out of it. Tbh, he sounds like a dick either way.

No I'm not. To be honest, this is the first time I've seen him anxious about approaching him.

Time to leave. Your child needs to grow up feeling safe which is not currently the case, and you deserve better.

Ducks in a row time. Sorry.

Yes it was an agreement. I was up yesterday (and all week and last weekend). It was agreed it was his turn and our son would be sent to him. It seems he just decided to lock the door until he can be bothered to wake up.

Oh my goodness it breaks my heart that your wee boy is only 6 and he already knows his father views him as a nuisance. He is in real danger of having his self esteem permanently affected.

What a selfish unreasonable man your partner is OP. Time to make plans for leaving the relationship for your DC"s sake, and your own.

He locked his door? What sort of dad does that. I'd really not be impressed, can you and ds go home and lock him out?

So later on today, when your DP finally gets up, and you say to him, "We had an agreement that you'd have DS when he woke up, so why did you lock the door?", what do you think he'll say?

Oh wow, your son crying and afraid of his father age 6. I would seriously consider why it is your son’s interest to continue to live with his father. I find that really troubling. What has he been saying when you are not in earshot to produce this reaction?

good god where are people finding these charmers??

He’s not a Dad, he’s a dickhead!

I would worry what level of parenting and kindness he does when I wasn’t there to
be honest!!!!

He would rather be up drinking and gaming than be in a fit state to care for his son.
His child is scared of his anger.
Why on earth haven’t you come up with an exit strategy before now?

I'm so sorry that sounds aweful

I'd be inclined to do this. Don't let him have everything on his terms. Just take DS home or out for the day, just the 2 of you, and make sure you tell his dad why!

I don't know how to explain but this isn't a normal relationship. He wouldn't listen to what I say and directly answer me. Anything I say that questions him, he turns on me. It'll end up with him telling me I'm a horrible person.

He's come to get DS now. He's angry with me. He stood outside the door saying "*Ben are you coming" then started ranting about something and left. I won't sleep anyway and he's bound to be slagging me off to our son now, I would just go downstairs but I'm too scared. If I go now he'll be angry with me for ruining his sleep and not even staying in bed.

So why are you with him?

You're focusing on the wrong issue. I wouldn't want a six year old in the care of a loser like him who scares his child, locks himself away and prioritises gaming and getting pissed ffs.

Why is your bar so low?

I could not imagine living in a home with someone my child is scared of.

You say you’re not scared of him, so why did you not wake him up as soon as you saw your son was awake?

So when are you leaving him?

I actually think it sounds like you are both scared of him and that you need to get yourselves away from him. Perhaps call Womens Aid when it is safe to do so. This is not normal and you both deserve better.

Fucking hell. Leave, leave, leave. Stop subjecting yourself and your son to this pig.

I would take DS home, little boys are too precious to have shitty role models like this piece of shit. Think of the future man you are raising and take action OP, he deserves better.