To expect him to get up?

[Selfishman]

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6.

He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him.
He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

Are there any friends or relatives nearby on your side of the family.

Also you said you are at his dad's place. Sorry I'm just catching up. Is his dad saying or doing anything?

And btw ANOTHER case of a bloke stuck on his gaming console to the exclusion of all else. And drinking. There have been so many on AIBU I'm starting to think having a gaming console is a red flag in its own right

I don't have a lot of time because I'm heading out but I will answer as much as I can remember:

• I am saving to leave
• family are far away and due to another child doing GCSEs it's not possible to just move away
• his father is not saying anything. However DP sends most nasty things via text. Also, he's loud, brash, dominating and abrupt so his father sees this as the norm. His father is also 92 and a bit hard of hearing. My partner is significantly older than me.
• I'm used to being called a bitch, it doesn't really bother me. I've been called every single name, belittled daily and put in my place. What bothers me more is the manipulation and lies. I'm an empath and try to be a good person, so when I try so hard to go out of my way to be nice, it's really hard to have someone turn everything on you with a lie.

Best of luck @Selfishman

Ha! Yes I love this, do it OP.
Men are selfish dicks.

Call women's aid. Call anyone you can think of. If GCSEs are this summer, that gives you a few weeks to secretly get the information and the help you need to get out. In the meantime, don't tell him you are thinking of leaving. Don't stand up to him more than usual, don't get into arguments if you can help it.

I second this advice.
You and your wee son have to leave this awful man.

You and your children deserve so much better. It's awful how he speaks to you and that it now feels normal. He sounds very volatile so I don't blame you for treading carefully.

It's good you're saving money - I second the advice to talk to Women's Aid. Hopefully you can move out sooner than you think.

He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry.

That’s heart breaking

Call the police, those messages are bad enough that the police may help you get him out.

OP your posts have really resonated with me. I used to be with someone like this, luckily his abuse was never directed at our DS, only me. Think screaming ‘cunt’ in my face over and over again in front of an 18mo child or squaring up to me and calling me a fucking scumbag in front of him. But they are the headlines, the thing I remember is tensing up whenever he walked in to a room, or if I heard him coming up the stairs. That’s your entire nervous system telling you he is not safe to be around.

I left him 5 years ago. I have never regretted it. It was the best decision I ever made.