To expect him to get up?

[Selfishman]

Staying at my DP's dad's house, which was his choice. When here our DS sleeps with me. DP is supposed to be getting up with DS this morning. I'm up before everyone else every week day, I took our DS to visit my family for 4 days over last weekend, so DP had a break. Today was his turn to get up, however we are always on eggshells, he doesn't like our DS to wake before 9/10 which to me is ridiculous because he's 6.

He woke up at 7.40, so a reasonable time. As he's sleeping next to me, I've been awake since then. I waited until 8 and told DS he could go to his dad's room- so already it's not a lie in. He stood there anxious and starting to cry that daddy would be angry. He never cries. I said we will pop down together and if daddy says anything then he can stay with me. We get down there and he's locked him bedroom door so his son can't come to him in the morning (as planned). I'm fuming. I text him and he read my messages 20 mins ago and still hasn't come in to get him.
He'll be tired as he was drinking yesterday and on Xbox late.

Op did you know that women fleeing abusive relationships are higher on council lists? Speak to shelter and women's aid about your options. There is support for you.

I wish you all the best. Please reach out for help

You ARE being unreasonable that you let your little boy go with him while he was ranting and raving outside the door and now you are too scared to go downstairs - your child is down there and you are the only protection he has.

You AREN'T being unreasonable to be paralysed with fear - it sounds like you are mentally and physically broken with this behaviour. Just know - this isn't normal. This isn't acceptable. There is help for you and your son if you reach out. You deserve better and so does your baby.

What do you want from this post? The known prick and hands off father is behaving like a prick and a hands off father. Why would he suddenly have a personality transplant? Do something about it as you KNOW it’s unreasonable and you don’t need Mumsnet to tell you that.

OP you need to leave, for your child's sake if not your own. Could you go to your family?

You need to contact the domestic abuse helpline and get out of thus situation.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Hostility has no place in a relationship and your son needs you to show him this is not acceptable.

Please everything else can be dealt with. You should never be scared of your partner.

So sorry OP, this sounds awful. Do you have any family or friends you can call or stay with for a few days? Then you can look into social housing or maybe you could afford to rent a one bedroom or studio flat for you and your son.

You will get help to pay the rent.

As a PP said, you can’t afford to stay.

Ring women’s aid and the council and they might put you and DS up temporarily.

This is your perfect opportunity to leave him.

Please do not be so selfish as to put this man above your son.
I wish I could come and protect that poor little boy if neither of you care about him 💔

You at least need to try.
Go for a walk and ring women’s aid to talk through your options.

You already know that you need to leave. He is abusive, he won't get better because he doesn't want to or need to. Leave before he causes any more trauma to you or your child. Contact Women's Aid they will advise you.
I haven't read the full thread but you could also contact the homeless section at your local authority for advice. But you need to do something and get the waste of space out of your lives.

This is the crap I get every single day. Lies and insults. I text him this morning when he would answer the door. I asked if he was going to get up. I said we had agreed it was his turn to get up and that I can't believe he locked the door on his child, who was too scared to come to his room. I'll attach the reply.

Important points- I do not lock my door at night or lock my door my door to keep our child out. If I'm working or if I have half hour to myself in the evening I lock the bedroom door. I have had to question why...it's because I don't feel safe (emotionally) I'm so on edge that locking the door gives me peace. From partner, not son.

1. DS does not usually wake at 9.15. He wakes just before 8am but at home goes downstairs by himself for an hour.

1. This is DP's new thing. If it's his turn to get up and DS wakes, he blames me for being a bitch and waking him up to send him in early. That 100% never happens and what's annoying is that I run around after everyone, I'm always up before everyone and even on the day I'm meant to get a lie in, I keep DS with me until 8am before waking DP as I know he'll be cross.

FFS get up, get dressed and take your child away. Your fear doesn't top how scared your kid is.

Now you know your child fears his dad, it's up to you to protect him. Today.

I will read through the other messages and reply.

Ffs woman, do not read replies and reply. Protect your child and get the hell out of this abusive situation

You get up get dressed, leave the house and either contact Women's Aid, or go to the police station because he is being abusive. Please do not allow this situation to continue.

No, come on, get your child away from him asap, you could see how scared he was this morning of being with dad, don't let it continue.

You’re raising your child in an abusive household. Please leave before you child is severely affected.

I am sure you have your reasons for staying with your partner, write them down. Then make a list of how you’ll mitigate them, then leave, for good.

So he calls the mother of his child a nasty vindictive bitch.

Pack up and get out of there right now.

By the way - where is DP's father in this? Does he realise is son is an abusive man whose young son and partner is terrified of him?

Do not keep quiet. Tell everybody what's going on. Leave him nowhere to hide.

My god. Get away from this absolute asshole. Pack and leave. Ur child already has trauma.

Enough is enough.
You need to leave with ds.
Today

Does he go back to school.tomorrow?
Go with and ask to speak to safeguarding lead they can support you

He is not a father- why bother with him?

You chose (I’m assuming ) to have a child with this pig.. that poor boy didn’t ask to be born so now you must choose to get him away from that knob 😢 your own sake as well as your precious DS. They only get one childhood. As someone whose mum didn’t leave until I was 12 the sooner the better. Nothing worse than living with a parent you’re scared of.

Get out. Get out . Get out.

Your son deserves better.
So do you.
I really hope you have some support
in place OP. Go to your family if you can. If not then look up women's aid.💐

Why are you still trying to show he’s abusive? We all know it. Time to leave.

Your DP is exercising coercive control. It’s a crime, people have gone to prison for it. Please get away.