Laid back, easy going people - tell me your secret

[HarrietBeat]

I've had enough of being highly strung. I want to be carefree!

If you're easygoing - were you born that way or did you become laid back?

No family support, rubbish, unsupportive relationships, I learned to just stop caring years ago!

Not caring isn't being easy going.

It’s not that I don’t care really, just what would I care what someone I don’t care about, has an opinion about me!

Exactly. I mind enormously what I think of myself — I try to live up to my own standards of intelligence, kindness, producing good work, parenting well, being a good friend, giving back to the world etc. And I mind what the people I love think of me. But strangers, or people whose opinions I don’t value? Why would I care what they think?

Yes this. Exactly.

The influence of a partner is significant as a PP said.
My partner has really rubbed off on me.

I grew up with a negative undertone to everything so life and problems always felt insurmountable.
My partner has the opposite as his default.
Over the years I've learnt his way of thinking and basically believe that everything can be worked out ok in the end...and 99% of the time this is true. I can then save the worry energy for the 1%.

I think, despite my upbringing, I am positive and laid back by nature. My DH has become quite negative and it’s having an impact on me. I have to work hard to stay upbeat and relaxed, and this involves tuning him out.

It’s having a negative impact on him and our kids are running from him. He needs to sort it out quick

People need to stop worrying what randoms think of them - why cares?!

When something happens, don’t react. Take 10
mins at least, or even overnight. Sleep on it. Everything seems better.

And remember - on a universal level nothing we do means a crock of shit in the grand scheme of things. In 100 years we’ll be dust and mostly forgotten.

Having the worst case scenarios in nearly every walk of life happen. Then seeing people even worse off than I was.

It wakes you up. You realise energy is finite and what you should spend it on.

Part of being highly strung is the self-obsession and need for control. It takes some real self reflection to change.

Our mind is very good at bringing up the past (what could have, should have, would have) and also fast forwarding what (what could be, should be, might be etc). And thinking about these things can make us worry. The thing is that we can change neither. We also cannot change other people either.

So if something is troubling me, I think like this:-

1. Can I control this? - (Usually the answer is no)
2. What am I feeling right now - Label your feeling - eg I'm feeling scared, anxious, etc
3. Breathe deeply for 5 breaths
4. Identify 3 positive things what you DO know eg I have XYZ who loves/cares for me, I loved the sunshine today etc etc
5. Remind yourself of no 1, and that you can't control the past or the future
6. Remind yourself that you make decisions on what you know at the time and it's OK to not know everything.

As I’ve got older I have a ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude to a lot of things. I have realised my opinion or feelings are as valid as anyone else’s, that most people only care about themselves, and it’s not my responsibility to make you feel better about something. I’m not saying I’m mean or unsympathetic, but I don’t sweat the small stuff. If my house isn’t pristine when you visit - who cares, this is how I live. If you can not confirm a suggested social meet up - I’m not waiting around for you to decide. And I certainly do not care one iota if you are impatient if I’m dealing with an urgent issue either my child. I’m not worried about fitting into some box society thinks I belong in. I will not interfere with you and you don’t interfere with me. I pass no judgment and expect the same. I will also not tolerate any crap and I’m not afraid of what people ‘senior’ to me think.