I come from a Romany gypsy & Irish traveller family. General chat…

[TT0107]

Just as the title suggests. I’ve noticed how travellers have become more accepted and tbh a bit idolised over social media (The people who are watching and liking those particular videos). Anyway my mum was raised in a horse drawn wagon moving around, my dad moved around with horses too but was staying in trailers (Caravans). Dad is Irish and mum is Romany. I don’t really interact with people nowadays and no matter the ordinary life I live I still feel deep inside that I’m just different no matter what. Not in a bad way, just that the way I was raised will always be there. My youngest child is mixed race, her father being black and my dad has never met her and has no interest to. I guess I went against the grain although to be quite honest my mother raised me very very well. Respect was always standard there was no time for disrespectful children when it came to my mum. I’d never walk into someone’s home with shoes on. Never help myself to food or drink. Never just get up and use the toilet without asking. Don’t touch anything, ornaments and anything tbh wasn’t to be touched by children. Don’t dare use the show plates. My mum never allowed anyone in her place ever. She had a hate for anyone who drank or smoked, well til this day you’d never see her sitting or standing with anyone drinking or smoking. I wasn’t allowed to go round friends houses as a child or teenager apart from 1 girl who only had a mother and sisters at home. This is just a light hearted chat if anyone wants to contribute. My mum never went to school as a child so therefore couldn’t read or write but she’s taught herself little bits along the way. She ended up with my stepdad over 30 years ago now who has provided her a lifestyle most can only dream off. Her life up until a few years back was just horses and cleaning the home. I do feel that the way my mum raised me has made me a very over protective person which I’m glad about. My mum would never steal from anybody (Just addressing the stereotype), she’s a very holy woman and even if she didn’t have a pound to her name and she saw someone unknowingly drop money she’d stop and hand it back to them. I’m a carer by job and everyone I visit and care for i can guarantee nothing, absolutely nothing will be trivialised with me. I do take extra time and effort to do the little things for these people and I care for them as if they were my own family and if I ever saw or heard anything untoward whether from their family member or even other staff carers I would take it upon myself to protect and I wouldn’t stop until something was done. (That should be standard for all carers but it isn’t always unfortunately) Again my mum raised me a very empathetic way and to see the things that people regularly overlook in life. She is a deeply compassionate woman more than I’ve ever known anyone to be in this life.

I’m sorry if i have given you a hard time - I realise you are talking culturally not necessary personally.

My grandfather (still living at 95) is Romany, but does not live that way of life these days.

So I too have Romany heritage. I find it fascinating the amount of people on facebook groups desperately trying to find genetic links to potential Romany ancestors. It seems quite desirable! My mum (not Romany side of the family) hid our heritage from us until we were adults. It was shameful in her eyes 25-30 years ago - now everyone seems to want a piece!

Hi Op, haven’t read the full thread yet, will come back later and do so.

Just wanted to touch on the rise of the traveller influencer and settled people ‘idolizing’ them
I live and work somewhere with a large community of travellers and I would say in general most settled people just want to be friendly and show that they’re accepting of your culture and lifestyle.
I know that the travelling community have had a bad rep in the past, through bad press etc but I think this generation of settled people are a lot more accepting of difference and so do as much as they can, with trying to engage with social media or in real life, to show that the predjudice views that previous generations may have held aren’t as prevalent today.

I agree - and my own kids were also told to behave themselves in other peoples houses but I’ve been shocked at how many kids came to mine and thought nothing of jumping over the furniture and being gobby/rude. Thankfully I’m past that stage now but I can only imagine it’s got worse based on the decline of public behaviour in general!

@SadTimesInFife It’s not really on me to police what other people within my culture do just the same with yours.

This exactly. I know you probably mean well, and want to present an image of travellers that is positive - and not all are bad of course, but in doing so @TT0107 you are putting down other people. Implying that you and the way you were raised is somehow superior, and children in your community would never do things non-traveller children do etc....

Like others on here, I'm baffled that you think non-traveller people would happily spread mud all over someone's home/refuse to take off their shoes, and that they and their children just walk around peoples homes messing with things, and taking anything they fancy, and just generally act like absolute dickheads. None of the behaviour you talk about is familiar to me at all. Not something I recognise (from anyone) in my world.

Also, I have several mixed race children in my family - cousin's grandchildren - and no-one refuses to have anything to do with them because they're mixed race (like your father does ...)

Bit of a weird thread.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway Again I did not say that, that is what non traveller children do. I was giving a insight into my childhood and the norms. I never once compared. Please tell me where I expressed travellers as being superior considering I’ve said several time clearly the opposite. As for my dad being a racist… yes he is but am I denying or defending that? I take accountability for myself I believe everybody should be held to account. How people come to the conclusion I’m judging negatively against the different cultures is beyond belief when I’ve explicitly said I do not put travellers on a pedestal or hierarchy. It’s very clear there are differences in both cultures and I was simply explaining what was the normal in my upbringing. I didn’t say this is how I was raised and you wasn’t and then i emphasised on my mother in particular regarding her values also saying that she was more so than other travellers we knew and family members. So please do tell me where I’m speaking negatively of your people.

@SadTimesInFifeWell judging by this post you seem pretty spot on. I’m being accused of saying things I never said or implied.

And a society that forces young people who are not academically inclined to sit in classrooms struggling with Shakespeare and cloud formations, taking and failing exams designed around aptitudes they don't have that assess knowledge they'll never use again, that damages confidence and makes them feel lesser...there's more there to be proud of than teaching young people useful trades?
To be clear, I'm not advocating for leaving school at 13. However given the flaws in our own educational system and the way it fails working class boys in particular, does bring stones and glass houses to mind.

@TT0107 I actually find what you’ve said about the “bad habits” of non-traveller kids rubbing off on to your kids quite offensive. My kids have been raised with all the same values that you mentioned in your post, and plenty more decent values too (like lack of racism). Can you clarify what bad habits you fear non-traveller kids might pass on?

I think lots of posters are being unnecessarily unkind here.

I have also taught a number of Travellers (capital T important!) and like a pp said they have all been very respectful and hard-working, and no, not all children are like that. However I worked hard at meeting them where they were at and any child I've taught to read from zero to fluency at age 10 or 11 will always respect and remember you, so they've not been different in that regard.
They've talked so happily about their cosy trailer life, while I had previously felt for them living where they do. In general, and understandably, people are looking from the outside with their perspective. The boys I knew looked after their horses as if they were another member of their family and despite 4 or 5 children living in their trailer, they were also so clean and tidy and well fed.

The absebteeism was definitely an issue and in some cases that I knew, education and their further education route just wasn't something their parents valued hugely, and were perhaps intimidated by and didn't want to lose their sons to (in their minds). It is a pity if they're not given the full opportunity to go this route if they wish and absentees and early school drop out is very difficult to overcome, for anyone.

On the stealing thing, op's point was very obvious and I'm sure there's a level of defensiveness a lot of the time because of people's very obvious judgement.

Yes some do steal and we had a little boy of 5 whose pockets we had to check all tbe time. It seemed he'd just been taught, take what you can get. He was one in over 30 that I've worked with over the years. Other children have tried to take things too, of course.

@BerryTwister Ok but did I say that I remove my children from school so they don’t pick up bad habits or was I simply just explaining the reasons why in general? You shouldn’t be offended that travellers want to keep their culture within their own and not overly mix. Just look at the comments on this post coming from adults and you’ll see it’s not that difficult to understand why travellers are hesitant. I am also not racist, we should clap for ourselves. What are your experiences living near a traveller site?

It isn't that teaching your kids manners is weird, it's weird that you think these manners aren't normal. Like not stealing. Most people don't steal. Most people are polite, honest people, it's how human society works. Breakdown in society occurs when most people stop being honest and generally kind.
You seem to be feel very intensely about things which most people take for granted. I suspect, being uneducated, your mother drilled these "virtues" into you, because she didn't have anymore interesting knowledge to chat about..? Dinner table chat about history, geography, other cultures etc.

If I had school age kids I wouldn't be allowing them near a typical secondary school, and I'm neither Traveller nor Romany.

This forum is filled with threads about people's kids being bullied, picking up habits from poorly brought up kids, and a whole swathe of other issues with both children and teachers at high schools.

It's a bit rich to suddenly take umbrage because the OP removed her son because of similar concerns. He's been learning trades, something the country is in dire need of, and will be starting college this year.

@BeebeeBoyle I never said teaching those things isn’t the normal. At the this point it’s not my problem you have no reading comprehension skills because I have repeatedly said this. Don’t speak about my mother she is a very intelligent woman. She is uneducated academically but is woman full of wisdom and wonder. And to be quite blunt you can’t really speak on being educated when you cant comprehend points I’ve made and then also reiterated that I mean the opposite of how some of the people here are taking it..

Agreed. Lack of education is not the same as lack of intelligence.

Those manners aren’t normal though. I wish they were but so many children think it’s okay to mess with people’s things/ask for food (or help themselves) etc

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I wish I could go back to the times my mum grew up in. I like the simple way of life and don’t like the way society is today and I whole heartedly believe that children are given too many privileges today. As a child no one taught me how to read and write, I was just able to pick up a book and knew how to read. I remember being the only child in year 2 who didn’t need support reading in class and being able to pick whichever book I wanted, there were no restrictions with having to be within my level bracket. I appreciated the small things in life even as a child and that wasn’t because I came from a disadvantaged home who had little or nothing. I teach my 8 year old child that she also has to take it upon herself to come home and get a book out and read independently and that she can spontaneously do things herself without always needing support or guidance. She is aware that I didn’t have that support as a child growing up and I’ve explained to her that I still would come home and learn my times tables, spellings and reading by myself.

I do get that.

You are clearly very motivated and keen for your children to have options as they grow up.

And teaching your daughter that reading is important is one of the most amazing things you can do as a parent!

I really didn’t mean to be such an arsehole earlier - it sounds like you are a good person and a great mum. And if your mum helped to instill that in you, well done her!

Thank you for sharing a little about your upbringing. It's fascinating to me to read about your experiences in how you were brought up and to see the parallels and differences to my own life.
I will admit I don't know much about the Romany/Traveller life and there is a lot of negative stuff out there and if not part of the community we don't get to hear about what life is like for you.
There are some settled Travellers near where I work and I see the Mum and daughters walking the son to school and then the Mum and daughters walking home. It always makes me a bit sad that they don't get to go to school too. Well done to you for making sure your daughter gets a good education, sounds like you're an excellent Mum.
I wish you every success and happiness in life, it's sad that your father is missing out on his Grandchild. His loss.

Not great to be honest.
My kids went to school with some fairground children, who were lovely. They missed a lot of school of course, especially in the spring/summer when fair season started, but they were hardworking and pleasant kids.

But the travellers from the fixed site cause a lot of trouble in the town. I’ve watched women and kids shoplifting on a large scale, and the traveller lads seem to be at the centre of most of the fights in town. I’ve seen some nasty car crashes involving traveller teens as well. The area around the site is disgusting, rubbish and broken down cars everywhere.

The shoes off thing is completely normal in lots of countries and is certainly becoming more common in the London. People are conscious of how dirty roads and pavements are and don't want to bring those shoes into domestic living spaces. It's actually very considerate when you think about it.