Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair to sell your home to fund care when older while others pay nothing.

1000 replies

SonnyHoney · 11/04/2026 16:39

I provide healthcare services to older people, which means I regularly visit care homes. It’s something I find quite upsetting at times. I see individuals who have worked hard all their lives, paid off their mortgages, and are now facing care home fees of around £2,000 a week.

Meanwhile, others are living in the same care homes with their costs largely covered, aside from a contribution from their pension.

I say this as someone from a working-class background and daughter of an immigrant (El salvador) who has had to work incredibly hard to get to where I am financially. I’m also very aware that one day my own parents may have to sell their home to fund their care.
My mum, for example, has run a cleaning business for years, she’s up early every morning and has worked long, physically demanding hours. She hopes to pass something on, but realistically, I feel it will likely be used to cover care costs .

Before anyone says “Why don’t you just care for her yourself and keep the house?” And of course, if I’m in a position to do that, I will. But the reality is that with older age, there can come a point where needs become too complex, and care at home is no longer possible.

Obviously, those who don't have houses to sell need care and have to go to a care home, but my point is it just feels unfair, really.

OP posts:
Dancingspleen1 · 12/04/2026 08:20

People in the position to fund their care have choices. People relying on the state don't. Money pays for choice - if the money is due to hard work they are beniffiting from it.
Why should the NHS pay for someone's care if they can afford to pay for their own just to preserve their relatives inheritance??

Boomer55 · 12/04/2026 08:21

I don’t think it’s unfair to pay for care, if you can

But what is unfair is that, in care homes, which are all privately owned now, the self funders pay extra to cover the shortfall which council funded can’t get, because councils only pay x amount. .

Cheese55 · 12/04/2026 08:23

DontKillSteve · 12/04/2026 06:30

Being in a care home is a fate worse than death. UK care homes are not like those US residential villages where you see them all doing Pilates and socialising. You are only in them if you need a high level of supervision and intervention. We would not put an animal through it. Unfortunately, to access Dignitas you need to travel while you’re still in relatively good nick. So people choosing this are having to end their lives earlier than they might wish.

I think this is an exaggeration. It's true that are not like it's portrayed on the TV but some people settle well in care homes and like the lack of responsibility.

Cheese55 · 12/04/2026 08:25

Dancingspleen1 · 12/04/2026 08:20

People in the position to fund their care have choices. People relying on the state don't. Money pays for choice - if the money is due to hard work they are beniffiting from it.
Why should the NHS pay for someone's care if they can afford to pay for their own just to preserve their relatives inheritance??

It's not the NHS that pays, it's the local authority.

Cheese55 · 12/04/2026 08:27

Madchihuahualady · 12/04/2026 07:45

Yes, that's true 30.65 is not a lot, but to be honest it covers toiletries, hairdresser and some clothing. My mother stopped saying take 75 out for birthday or Christmas 3 years ago! When it comes to her own birthday or Christmas I will get her clothes.
My mother is in the care home because of her lack of mobility.

Yes it's not a lot but it's to pay for non essentials like chocolate or puzzle books etc. There are no other expenses.

Squirrelchops1 · 12/04/2026 08:29

Cheese55 · 12/04/2026 08:25

It's not the NHS that pays, it's the local authority.

It depends. If you have health led care needs the NHS funds or joint funds it. Otherwise residential care needs are LA funded.

Squirrelchops1 · 12/04/2026 08:34

QueenSophia · 12/04/2026 06:27

Asian mafia? Who do you mean? Pakistani people? Some other?

I think this person is likely referring to the terrible abuse of people in care homes in Wales. Read up on Operation Jasmine. Unfortunately they were owned by Asian ( i want to say Indian but may be incorrect) GPs who had the LA over a barrel.

Fortunately there are actually a lot of really good care homes out there too.

PartQualifiedAcca · 12/04/2026 08:36

QueenSophia · 12/04/2026 06:27

Asian mafia? Who do you mean? Pakistani people? Some other?

They run events called care shows where suppliers are gathered to basically sell to the care homes and people do go along to these to look at what’s available
I had the misfortune in my role to attend one and they give talks about compliance and the legalities of it
I’ve got talking to one of the care homeowners and I said I can’t see how you make the numbers work. It just does not add up, when you look at minimum wage the cost of equipment the cost of food gas water, electricity.
I got a wry smile and told there’s still money to be made 🤷‍♀️
Incidentally, I also got talking to one of the suppliers who sold lovely beds into care Homes. In theory.
he said he’s never sold one into a care home. They were all being sold into hospitals and they should be used in care Homes to save the back of the carers and to offer comfort to the patients inmates stakeholders. Whatever you call them.
Never sold one

PartQualifiedAcca · 12/04/2026 08:41

LoftyPlumLion · 12/04/2026 07:54

isn’t it unfair though that many on low incomes face a rent trap so can’t have the luxury of getting in the property ladder.

why is it ok that somebody is forced to rent for £1,750 a month because they are refused a £1,000 a month mortgage?

they end up paying someone else’s mortgage for them.

i agree with you, but feel many are excluded from home ownership because of the system. Although I fully expect some whataboutery replies about them working harder and I managed it blah blah blah.

My mortgage is about £1000 a month which I think equates to about a mortgage of 150,000 for which I needed to earn £40,000 a year you could do that in two minimum wage jobs for a couple of years. it wouldn’t be comfortable. It wouldn’t be nice but that’s what we did in the nineties to raise the house deposits.
There’s not been any point in time when you’ve been able to sit on your arse and be given a house
It was definitely easier. I’m not gonna deny that, but it was never impossible.

Rubyupbeat · 12/04/2026 08:45

Tbf the reason why some folk pay for their care is because they have the assets to do so. Those that don't are then paid for.
It's not the other way around.
My Dad had to pay for his own care.

cupfinalchaos · 12/04/2026 08:47

SwirlyGates · 11/04/2026 16:47

But if someone with money (in property or elsewhere) is funded by the state, the state is effectively funding an inheritance for that person's heirs. Taxpayers on low salaries could be paying for substantial inheritances for other people.

But if their neighbour transfers their house to their children to avoid care costs and lives seven years then it amounts to the same thing?

AnneShirleyBlythe · 12/04/2026 08:48

SonnyHoney · 11/04/2026 17:40

I don't think the poster meant that people who don't own homes are wasters, but there are many people who don't contribute to society their whole life. They do the very basic minimum in terms of contributing to society. They will then be across the hall from Brenda, who's worked hard her whole life whilst the sale from her house pays for hers and their fee .

Many of the ‘scrounging’ council funded residents will have worked all their life in low paying jobs. Cleaning, school dinner ladies, factory work, manual labour. Paid their rent & taxes. Many older women from better off households never worked after kids came along. They have benefitted from house price inflation which has nothing to do with hard work. If you have the means you pay, if you don’t then what?

Leave them to rot in their home?

MyLuckyHelper · 12/04/2026 08:55

PartQualifiedAcca · 12/04/2026 08:41

My mortgage is about £1000 a month which I think equates to about a mortgage of 150,000 for which I needed to earn £40,000 a year you could do that in two minimum wage jobs for a couple of years. it wouldn’t be comfortable. It wouldn’t be nice but that’s what we did in the nineties to raise the house deposits.
There’s not been any point in time when you’ve been able to sit on your arse and be given a house
It was definitely easier. I’m not gonna deny that, but it was never impossible.

“That’s what we did in the nineties” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Firstly, what am I buying with £150k today? Secondly, where’s the deposit coming from
when I’m spending £1400/month on rent. In a NMW job the full time take home is about £1700. Maths isn’t gonna math there.

Actually years ago lots of people were ‘given’ houses - albeit social ones - that they could choose to buy if they wished. That’s a pipe dream for most now.

I became a single parent to 4 during covid, years ago I’d have been first in line for a council home. Now, despite being made homeless twice in two years, I’ve not got a hope in hell of getting a social property.

If by some miracle I did, I could easily save the deposit for a home. Still wouldn’t find a lender to lend me enough for the rest on a single salary but I could at least access shared ownership. As it stands, my rent will keep rising at a rate that bears no relation to my wages. And all the while I’ll be working just as hard as someone who has a mortgage and have much less to show for it 👌🏻

icecreamflowers · 12/04/2026 08:57

RawBloomers · 12/04/2026 02:12

While only about 5% of over 75 year olds as a group, live in care homes, just over 20% of the population die in a care home. So many more go later on. Average stay is (very roughly) about 2 years.

How did you come up with that 20% figure? It doesn't make sense to me, but then I am not crash hot with maths!

AnneShirleyBlythe · 12/04/2026 09:04

nevernotmaybe · 11/04/2026 17:34

They got to the end off their lives with a secure house, it paid of plenty for that person. You can't the take the house into the ground with you.

Edited

Agree! I am a council tenant who will pay rent forever. Home owners will benefit from their home being fully paid off at some point. They then have extra money to spend, may be able to retire early or downsize to free up capital. To me that is the ‘ hard work paying off’.

I work hard in the NHS & have to rent from the council due to my DH being disabled. I really resent the idea that we are considered ‘scroungers’.
My DH already has care needs & is likely to move into a car home in the future. Should we just be left struggling to care for his high needs at home as we don’t have a property to pay the fees?

BigAnne · 12/04/2026 09:12

Happyjoe · 12/04/2026 00:41

This is just such a backward, illogical and selfish mindset

What, to want to help her own children? That's a bit much isn't it? I thought it was normal for parents to want to help their kids and leave something for them.

The kids you're referring to are not children. They're most likely nearing retirement age at least. They're also likely to be mortgage free.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 12/04/2026 09:14

Cheese55 · 12/04/2026 08:25

It's not the NHS that pays, it's the local authority.

I think one of the real problems we have is that as this thread shows, lots and lots of people don't understand how social care is funded, the law that allows for charging, the laws around deprivation of assets, mandatory disregards, what the NHS will cover (medical treatment) and what it won't (anything deemed to be social care) hence arguments over whether a bath is a medical need or a social need

it just seems we're expected as adults to somehow know and understand this complex area of law and practice without ever actually being told unless it happens to be your job

DreamyJade · 12/04/2026 09:14

icecreamflowers · 12/04/2026 08:57

How did you come up with that 20% figure? It doesn't make sense to me, but then I am not crash hot with maths!

The number will get higher, the older the resident. So it might be that 50% of 95+ year olds are in care homes, even though across the board it’s only 3% of pensioners. There are far more 70 year olds in the UK than there are 95 year olds. It’s a much bigger percentage of a much smaller cohort.

Lots of old people will end up in hospital after an illness or fall, and then get put in a care home because they’re too ill to be allowed home to die but there aren’t beds available in hospitals to let them see out their days there. They’re only in the homes for end-of-life care.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 12/04/2026 09:16

BigAnne · 12/04/2026 09:12

The kids you're referring to are not children. They're most likely nearing retirement age at least. They're also likely to be mortgage free.

Indeed. Most people don't enter a care home until their late 70s at the earliest (most ppl of course not all ppl) but more often they're 80s. Their children will be in their late 50s/early 60s with homes of their own

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2026 09:21

Stirabout · 11/04/2026 20:42

Why would the pps post relate to your gran
clearly
it doesnt
and as we move away from the time when women were expected to give up work when they married less and less pensioners will be affected by that sexism.

Because the implication the PP made was that everyone who isn’t self funding in a care home is laze, feckless and a scrounger.

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2026 09:25

topcat2026 · 11/04/2026 22:19

I’m the same. Life is for living, not ending up in a care home that I’ve been forced to pay for as well as the care of the state-funders.

What do you mean by ‘forced to pay for’? If you go on holiday, do you expect to pay for your accommodation or do you think you shouldn’t because you have your own home?

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2026 09:27

AnneShirleyBlythe · 12/04/2026 09:04

Agree! I am a council tenant who will pay rent forever. Home owners will benefit from their home being fully paid off at some point. They then have extra money to spend, may be able to retire early or downsize to free up capital. To me that is the ‘ hard work paying off’.

I work hard in the NHS & have to rent from the council due to my DH being disabled. I really resent the idea that we are considered ‘scroungers’.
My DH already has care needs & is likely to move into a car home in the future. Should we just be left struggling to care for his high needs at home as we don’t have a property to pay the fees?

According to some people on this thread, then of course you should pay for your DHs care home! If you can’t afford it, you should keep him at home and struggle on looking after him yourself.

Worriedreparents · 12/04/2026 09:27

I’ve changed my mind on this. I used to think it was awful that my parents home would have to be sold for care, they thought the same. Years and years of scrimping to be able to afford to buy rather than rent. However we 4 siblings are currently helping to look after them in their own home, shopping, hospital visits etc. They are company for one another. But if one of them in particular dies the other won’t be able to cope and we will have to step up massively and it will soon become untenable. To do full time care each of us would have to do 42 hours a week, impossible with our own commitments so a care home would be necessary. Like people have said they won’t need their existing home so I can see why they would have to contribute.
The main issue is the extortionate cost and the cross subsidising of the council funded care home residents.

AnneShirleyBlythe · 12/04/2026 09:27

BigAnne · 12/04/2026 09:12

The kids you're referring to are not children. They're most likely nearing retirement age at least. They're also likely to be mortgage free.

Totally! My mum was in her 60s when her parents died! Both my parents are near 80 in decent health. I am in my 50s. It’s not kids starting out in life who are ‘losing out’ on inheritance here! And the majority of us manage just fine in life with no inheritance. Until recently only the wealthy had anything to pass on!

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2026 09:29

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2026 09:25

What do you mean by ‘forced to pay for’? If you go on holiday, do you expect to pay for your accommodation or do you think you shouldn’t because you have your own home?

Eh?
Holiday is a luxury, care homes are necessity.

Bit like chemo, the country would be up in arms if it was suggest that someone sell their house to pay their own palliative care or you pay the money back when you die.

Its wrong that you pay you own care if you get one try of terminal illness but not another.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.