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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair to sell your home to fund care when older while others pay nothing.

1000 replies

SonnyHoney · 11/04/2026 16:39

I provide healthcare services to older people, which means I regularly visit care homes. It’s something I find quite upsetting at times. I see individuals who have worked hard all their lives, paid off their mortgages, and are now facing care home fees of around £2,000 a week.

Meanwhile, others are living in the same care homes with their costs largely covered, aside from a contribution from their pension.

I say this as someone from a working-class background and daughter of an immigrant (El salvador) who has had to work incredibly hard to get to where I am financially. I’m also very aware that one day my own parents may have to sell their home to fund their care.
My mum, for example, has run a cleaning business for years, she’s up early every morning and has worked long, physically demanding hours. She hopes to pass something on, but realistically, I feel it will likely be used to cover care costs .

Before anyone says “Why don’t you just care for her yourself and keep the house?” And of course, if I’m in a position to do that, I will. But the reality is that with older age, there can come a point where needs become too complex, and care at home is no longer possible.

Obviously, those who don't have houses to sell need care and have to go to a care home, but my point is it just feels unfair, really.

OP posts:
KeepPumping · 13/04/2026 00:49

Foxy200 · 12/04/2026 21:12

It is becoming increasingly difficult to justify expecting younger generations to continue bearing the financial burden of supporting wealthier pensioners through taxation. Many young people today are already facing significant economic challenges, not least the inability to get onto the property ladder, despite working hard and paying substantial taxes.
By contrast, many from my parents’ generation, now in their late seventies, have benefited enormously from the dramatic rise in property values over the past 50 to 60 years. As a result, a large number have accumulated considerable housing wealth. In those circumstances, it seems only reasonable that those who have the means should contribute towards the cost of their own care in later life, rather than relying entirely on younger taxpayers who may be far less financially secure.
The one aspect of the current system that I strongly disagree with is the practice in many care homes of charging private residents significantly more than those whose places are funded by the local authority, despite both receiving the same standard of care. This effectively means that self-funding residents are not only covering their own costs, but are also subsidising the care of those who are unable to pay. Such an arrangement lacks transparency and raises serious questions about fairness.

But if young people can"t afford houses the people in their 70"s are going to have to sell for a lot less than they expected, so not nearly as wealthy as they thought? There are no magic buyers, houses are not savings accounts or stock market investments, they depend om new borrowers for their value.

Needspaceforlego · 13/04/2026 01:28

KeepPumping · 13/04/2026 00:49

But if young people can"t afford houses the people in their 70"s are going to have to sell for a lot less than they expected, so not nearly as wealthy as they thought? There are no magic buyers, houses are not savings accounts or stock market investments, they depend om new borrowers for their value.

This is part of the issue with so many houses being in private landlords. They have money and are pushing prices up.
I'm sure that is why the government is trying to squeeze private landlords out the market. Make life difficult for them

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:00

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2026 21:27

Overcrowded small island.

That doesn’t account for the higher care home costs

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:04

ShouldIJustKeepQuiet · 12/04/2026 22:09

My dad has said he doesn’t want their house used for care home fees but I’ve told him that if it comes to it, his comfort and safety are more important than any inheritance. I don’t see the difference between someone having money in the bank or owning a property. Would you expect someone with £500k in savings to pay? How is owning a property worth that amount not the same?

They are exactly the same
Property, money in the bank or the family jewels. They are the same
People generally talk about property only because it’s where most people have their main asset and for some their only asset

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:06

Carpedementia · 12/04/2026 22:40

It does if the rent plus pension plus savings isn’t enough to cover fees .

i would think the rent from a three bed house would cover the fees in most cases. Rents in London are quite high but affordable if three or four single people are sharing a house.

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:08

Carpedementia · 12/04/2026 22:26

It’s kind of unfair for those that do spend all of their capital though isn’t it? Seeing as from what you say it actually isn’t that many people why do it? Sure have them contribute but it should perhaps be capped as it touches the working to middle class yet again. The wealthy have ways around it and good advice .

It was going to be capped under the conservatives. Labour came in and put a stop to it

if they cared about some level of fairness they wouldn’t have done that

MikeRafone · 13/04/2026 02:10

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:06

i would think the rent from a three bed house would cover the fees in most cases. Rents in London are quite high but affordable if three or four single people are sharing a house.

The rent from a 3 bed averages at £1350 per month
The care home fees average at £5200 - £5600 per montH

Smilersam · 13/04/2026 02:12

XenoBitch · 12/04/2026 02:26

Some people have never "contributed" as they are disabled, or look after someone disabled.
And some people who end up in care and paying for it will have not worked either, because they inherited a house. Having money/house =/= mean you worked hard.
There is a vast gulf between the two types of people you are on about.

Never had it years ago, why now. Yawn, you're boring.

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:12

Carpedementia · 12/04/2026 22:40

It does if the rent plus pension plus savings isn’t enough to cover fees .

You’d need to be getting more than £1100 a week after tax in rent to pay for care home fees assuming a person also paid £200 of their state pension in aswell

There aren’t many places like that

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:13

In London rents are a lot higher than that, even for a modest place.
Don't forget, the person in the home will also still be getting his or her pension which can contribute to the fees. That could easily be £2,500 a month.

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:23

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:06

i would think the rent from a three bed house would cover the fees in most cases. Rents in London are quite high but affordable if three or four single people are sharing a house.

Average care home fees are £1300 a week
That’s £200 from a state pension and £1100 to be found after tax.
Every week
or
£57,200 after tax a year

Plus
Maintenance costs, insurance, gas safety checks etc on the house
Its also wise to only assume ten months rental a the year ( people leave, non payers etc )

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:32

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:13

In London rents are a lot higher than that, even for a modest place.
Don't forget, the person in the home will also still be getting his or her pension which can contribute to the fees. That could easily be £2,500 a month.

Not everyone lives in London you know
and not everyone gets anything like £2500/ month in pension
You are aware I assume that employers didn't have to pay a penny into private pensions till 2018

The current average private pension is £209 / week with many having nothing. Especially those working in the private sector after multiple crashes in the markets in the past and
no employer contributions and
the requirement to move to new pensions when moving jobs. Thus losing the previous ones in management fees

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/04/2026 02:32

Onemoremakesthree · 11/04/2026 16:55

its not as simple as that. My mum died a few years ago having been in a care home for 10 years due to early onset Alzheimer’s, she first went into a home in her very early 60s, and was in her 50s when she started to have carers visit.
My dad basically lost everything including their house and now lives in a council house because of my mums fees. Had they not have rented their house, mum would have had the exact same care for free and dad would still be living in the ‘home’ they shared

Are you in the UK @Onemoremakesthree

Didn't your dad have the house disregarded by the council as he was a close relative living in the house?

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:39

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2026 02:13

In London rents are a lot higher than that, even for a modest place.
Don't forget, the person in the home will also still be getting his or her pension which can contribute to the fees. That could easily be £2,500 a month.

.Key Regional 3-Bed House Rental Trends (Approximate):

  • London: Very high, often £2,500–£5,000+ per month, with Prime areas exceeding £3,000.
  • South East/Home Counties: Mid-to-high, with 3-bed properties often costing £1,500–£2,000+ per month.
  • Midlands & North: Lower, with many 3-bed houses available in the £650–£1,200 range.

None of these would cover care home fees
Even the highest shown for Lindon once you’ve paid the tax man, gas safety, rental hse insurance, maintenance and allowed for average non occupancy periods

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/04/2026 02:42

CIaudetheCat · 12/04/2026 19:06

I am not sure that is a good idea as the tenants would be homeless again when the owner died. So quite cruel really to allow people to rent a decent home on the understanding that the rug will be pulled from under them weeks/months/years later.

Plus a lot of older people's properties often need a lot of work.

Edited

No different to any other rented property. Or even a home owner, who could need to sell for a myriad of personal/ financial reasons. And a time frame could easily be legislated for. Such as 6 months, or even a years notice. Giving more security than the majority of the population.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/04/2026 02:43

Theeyeballsinthesky · 12/04/2026 19:07

the family can rent the house privately if they want though I agree would be better if it could be rented out by the local authority

the law just says if you have assets over a certain amount you have to pay not that you have to sell your house. In practice of course, selling is the easiest way

Renting a house out privately, would not generate enough income to cover residential care costs. Renting through the local authority, would be a better “trade off”.

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 03:15

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 19:41

If 3% of the elderly need care for an average of 2years ( 3% allows for an uptick )

Cost @£1000 /week for 2years minus £200/week of a persons state pension gives us a total cost of
£83,200

Divide that by 33people ( on the 3% usage basis )
= £2,521 / per person payable as an insurance premium in a persons lifetime

Seems very reasonable to me and that’s not even factoring in the money being invested which makes more money which could reduce premiums further

£2521/ 40 years ( for example ) is £63 a year
or £5.25 a month

A policy such as this allows for the future with less home ownership

Edited

Looking at these figures again to see if it would be cheaper for councils

There are 250,000 council funded elderly in care homes in England
@ an average cost of £949/week or
£749/week after £200 is taken from the state pension

So currently that’s a cost of
250,000 x £749 x 52 weeks
= 9,737,000,000

If councils paid the £7/ week for everyone on UC
there are 8,400,000 people on UC so
8,400,000 x £7 x 52 weeks
= £3,057,600,000

This shows a long term policy of insuring against care home needs for councils would save

£9,727,000,000 - £3,057,600,000

= £6,679,400,000 Saving !

That’s more than two thirds saving for councils
and
allows for the increasing number of people in the future who may not own a home

It’s a win win for everyone

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 04:02

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 03:15

Looking at these figures again to see if it would be cheaper for councils

There are 250,000 council funded elderly in care homes in England
@ an average cost of £949/week or
£749/week after £200 is taken from the state pension

So currently that’s a cost of
250,000 x £749 x 52 weeks
= 9,737,000,000

If councils paid the £7/ week for everyone on UC
there are 8,400,000 people on UC so
8,400,000 x £7 x 52 weeks
= £3,057,600,000

This shows a long term policy of insuring against care home needs for councils would save

£9,727,000,000 - £3,057,600,000

= £6,679,400,000 Saving !

That’s more than two thirds saving for councils
and
allows for the increasing number of people in the future who may not own a home

It’s a win win for everyone

Edited

Actually it would be even less for councils as the
£7 is per month not week ( based on updated average costs )
my fault for doing this at this hour

so
8,400,000 x £7 x 12months
= 705,600,000 / year

Therefore the total saving to Councils in England
is
£9,727,000,000 - £705,600,000

= £9,021,400,000 Saving !
Every year

You know that’s so massive I can’t quite believe it myself

Lougle · 13/04/2026 06:23

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 19:41

If 3% of the elderly need care for an average of 2years ( 3% allows for an uptick )

Cost @£1000 /week for 2years minus £200/week of a persons state pension gives us a total cost of
£83,200

Divide that by 33people ( on the 3% usage basis )
= £2,521 / per person payable as an insurance premium in a persons lifetime

Seems very reasonable to me and that’s not even factoring in the money being invested which makes more money which could reduce premiums further

£2521/ 40 years ( for example ) is £63 a year
or £5.25 a month

A policy such as this allows for the future with less home ownership

Edited

I think your figures are skewed. www.kingsfund.org.uk/insight-and-analysis/data-and-charts/key-facts-figures-adult-social-care

In 2010, it was estimated that 50% of over 65s would spend up to £20,000 on care costs. 1 in 7 (14%) would spend over £100,000.

Even if we ignore inflation, that amounts to around £24000 per person, when averaged across 100 people.

If we take a maximum working life of 16-70, that's 54 years. That would average at £37 per month per person.

However, there's another factor. Only 3% of people use care homes, and 6% of people use professional home care. The rest rely on unpaid family care, or don't need care. If people were expected to pay £37 per month 'insurance' against future care costs, more people will expect formal care in the future, which means that £37 per month won't even scratch the surface of the cost of care.

DD1 (20) receives SS care. At the moment her budget is £23,000 per year for 15 hours of care per week. That could easily rise to £46,000 for 30 hours. She has to contribute just over £4500 per year towards it, which is a charge based on her income. So even at today's money her social care bill could be £3 million. If she needs residential care it will be higher.

BIossomtoes · 13/04/2026 07:51

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 02:08

It was going to be capped under the conservatives. Labour came in and put a stop to it

if they cared about some level of fairness they wouldn’t have done that

That isn’t true. Every party has made promises in opposition and kicked it into the long grass in government. The Tories had 14 years to address it but somehow never managed it. Because it’s impossible.

Humperton · 13/04/2026 07:55

Jacobolordy · 12/04/2026 23:47

I've posted this earlier, but the same point keeps being made - why should someone with assets (savings/ house) get free care, they should pay themselves so tax payers don't have to.

But we don't apply this to any other area! Rich people can still use the NHS, still have state school education for their kids, still rely on the police etc. Why should care for dementia (an illness) be any different?

Fine to expect a contribution/ 1-2£k cap, but the assumption that those with money must pay (and subsidise others) is grossly unfair.

We apply this to loads of areas - in fact it's the general rule. If you want something you have to pay for it - you don't expect food for free, or holidays, or accommodation, or clothing. The things you've stated are exceptions to that rule, but it doesn't follow that everything, even those in the same category also must be.

If you want a socialist state that provides all services to you for free you wouldn't need to worry about owning a home or choosing your care, but I'm not sure you'd love it very much.

likelysuspect · 13/04/2026 09:26

Jacobolordy · 12/04/2026 23:47

I've posted this earlier, but the same point keeps being made - why should someone with assets (savings/ house) get free care, they should pay themselves so tax payers don't have to.

But we don't apply this to any other area! Rich people can still use the NHS, still have state school education for their kids, still rely on the police etc. Why should care for dementia (an illness) be any different?

Fine to expect a contribution/ 1-2£k cap, but the assumption that those with money must pay (and subsidise others) is grossly unfair.

You're not listening. Taxes cover health care, health in this country is free at the point of delivery. It isnt 'free', because we pay for it through taxation, everyone does even if not working due to VAT as well, same goes for police etc although your council tax also includes contributsion made to fire and police.

But social care is not covered by taxes, its not included in that

Of course there are anomalies within that because if your child goes into care because you're not a good parent, the tax payer does pay for their care, that is a social care need but covered by general taxation.

likelysuspect · 13/04/2026 09:37

Stirabout · 13/04/2026 03:15

Looking at these figures again to see if it would be cheaper for councils

There are 250,000 council funded elderly in care homes in England
@ an average cost of £949/week or
£749/week after £200 is taken from the state pension

So currently that’s a cost of
250,000 x £749 x 52 weeks
= 9,737,000,000

If councils paid the £7/ week for everyone on UC
there are 8,400,000 people on UC so
8,400,000 x £7 x 52 weeks
= £3,057,600,000

This shows a long term policy of insuring against care home needs for councils would save

£9,727,000,000 - £3,057,600,000

= £6,679,400,000 Saving !

That’s more than two thirds saving for councils
and
allows for the increasing number of people in the future who may not own a home

It’s a win win for everyone

Edited

But people dont live on UC forever, very few people are unemployed or underemployed for the whole of their working lives.

You're falling into the trap of believing that anyone without property in old age has somehow spent the preceding 40 years out of work or on benefits.

StandFirm · 13/04/2026 09:54

Tableforjoan · 11/04/2026 17:30

I think when legal assisted suicide comes in this won’t be such a huge problem.

Id rather die than live like a toddler or prisoner regardless of if I have £100 or £100,000 in the bank. Until care homes are more like a cross between a private hospital / holiday they are not worth 2k a week today or what will be 4/5/6k by the time I’m 70.

Your comment is really chilling. I am not judging your personal preference here, but the implication that social care is bound to be so dismal that the 'better' option would be to switch ourselves off before we lose all dignity is too distressing to put into words. It does not have to be that way.

PartQualifiedAcca · 13/04/2026 10:02

StandFirm · 13/04/2026 09:54

Your comment is really chilling. I am not judging your personal preference here, but the implication that social care is bound to be so dismal that the 'better' option would be to switch ourselves off before we lose all dignity is too distressing to put into words. It does not have to be that way.

The trouble is with diseases like dementia and Alzheimer’s until they’ve got a cure for those that’s exactly how it has to be.
People should be at home that’s got to be the preference I would imagine for everybody is that they stay with their families and their families look after them
If that’s really really not an option, then taking the red pill is the most logical
You wouldn’t let a dog live in those conditions

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