If DH dies before me I wouldn’t care if I never saw the extended family again

[Bleachedjeans]

I don’t hate them. I get along with them socially, send them birthday cards etc, I wish them well.
But, if I’m honest I tolerate them and it’s just a veneer. I’m quite happy if they feel the same about me.
DH and I met 20 years ago and married in our 60s. If he dies before me I wouldn’t maintain a relationship with them. I wouldn’t miss them. I’m not really very interested in them. A bit like leaving a job where you get along with colleagues but you don’t see them after you’ve left.
I realised this recently and I was surprised at myself.
AIBU or is this fairly normal?

That has crossed my mind on occasion lol

Yes, good point about older kids.

Age is relevant here as my dc are 10 and younger and so I would work really hard to facilitate the relationship with cousins and grandparents.

My in-laws were foul to me throughout my late husband’s final illness. I make absolutely no apology for having not contacted them since the funeral. I’ve moved, remarried, changed job, changed my phone number.

No idea if they have even noticed and really don’t care!

I’m in my 50s, I’ve been with my husband since I was 18 and married since I was 24. I wouldn’t be bothered if I ever saw any of them again. I’d not stop my son seeing them, he’s an adult anyway, but don’t think he’d bother either.
Although to be fair even my husband says he wouldn’t bother with the rest of them once his mum dies.

They’re just people you know through circumstance, not people you chose to have in your life.

My DH said that when his remaining parent dies he is quite happy to let regular contact with family go. I am not going to fight him on that! Although I would happily still spend time with my niece.

Same!

My uncle died. We have his wife over for Christmas and all go on a huge family holiday with aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, kids, wives, husbands- it’s lovely 😊

If DH died I’d definitely maintain contact with his family too.

My DH died after I’d known him 8 years. I made and continue to make an effort to see my in laws (only his step father alive now) for the sake of my children. I’m less interested in his brothers but see them on occasion at (sadly) recent funerals. I know my FIL appreciates this contact as it’s his wife’s family even though there’s no blood connection. She (his wife, my MIL) liked me much more than my DH’s ex! I also have stepsons who were teenagers when I met their father. I’m fond of them but feel it’s up to them (in their 30s now) to make the effort with my children, and they don’t really. I send their kids gifts at Christmas.

I think your viewpoint is quite common.

DH was widowed when we met. People are often very surprised if he or I mention his MIL (who now calls herself my Other-MIL) coming for Christmas or spending time with us. Especially now DSS is an adult.

DH wasn’t particularly close to his in-laws before his wife got ill, but they got close when she was and, in particular, after she died. Nowadays they’re just part of the family.

I’d keep in contact with his aunt and maybe his cousins we all seem to rub along well when we see each other. As for my family i haven’t really got any left, a cousin in Tasmania who is clear that he’s never coming back and two in England who are not interested in contact. Bit sad really..

If DH died, it's likely I would maintain contact with his siblings (in-laws are no longer with us). Our relationship is fairly distant anyway, so I imagine it would continue in a similar vein.

DH and I provide care for my living parent, so if I died, DH would maintain the relationship and continue that duty.

I would rather they didn't even come to his funeral tbh.
I do consider not even telling them.

I think it depends entirely on the families involved. My sibling's spouse died a few years ago when they were in their 50s. My sibling still has close contact with the in-laws, independently of the relationship their adult children have with the grandparents. My sibling has a new partner now, and they are invited to family events with the in laws. They were all a great source of support to each other when their common loved one died, and I am so happy for my sibling that the close relationship has continued.

I’ve been in my husband’s niece and nephews’ lives since they were born, their ages range from 26 to 38, yet they’ve never called me aunty even though I’m the one who remembered their birthdays and bought their Christmas presents.

As for keeping in touch with in laws should my husband die, not a chance.
He only has a sister, both parents died years ago, and she lives 200 miles away so it would be easy to lose contact, I don’t even have her phone number and she doesn’t have mine.
Neither his mother or sister thought we were suited (yet we’ve been together for 40 years since we met at school) and made that known though snide comments and they never really accepted me.
I’m polite and friendly on the rare occasion that I see his sister but that’s just to make my husband’s life easier.

I'd be the same. I like them all, and we'd probably remain FB friends, but we live on the opposite side of the world to all of his family. Just the distance alone would mean we would be unlikely to see each other again.