I am a terrible wife!!!

[ThatLilacLeader]

I am a bad wife and pretty awful person. My husband is really kind and good to me. I am hoping not to get too flamed for this because I’m feeling quite vulnerable - but getting flamed would be totally deserved.

i recently felt an attraction to a friends husband. I would never ever act upon that, but did indulge the feelings, if that makes sense. I feel ridiculous writing this but I even had a chat with chat gpt about some of his behaviours to see if it seemed he was also attracted to me. I know this makes me sound totally weird, but I really need to offload this. I was thinking of him quite a bit, but as I said, would never act on it.

Today, I feel awful. Quite repulsed with myself for the fact that I was even thinking any of this and feel like I have totally betrayed my friend and husband. I feel like I need to come clean, as I keep imagining how my husband would feel if he even read what I wrote on chat gpt. I feel like I don’t deserve him and need to be honest with him about what I’ve done.

I know this is AIBU, but am hoping for some kindness - which I know I don’t deserve. What do I do? Do I tell him? I know feel nothing towards that man but obviously had a moment of madness in my mind. Please help.

What have you done though? Sounds like you haven't done anything. It's OK to be attracted to other people, we are not robots. Its not OK to act on that which you clearly haven't. So move on with your life.
And, by the way, AI is a people pleaser and has no way of assessing complex human emotions. So delete the chat and stop focusing on what to tells you. It tells you what you want to hear not what is objectively true.

Coming clean about what? You havent done anything, and havent even had an emotional affair. You just are attracted to somebody, which isnt ideal in a marriage but I would say it is pretty normal, as long as you don't act on it and acknowledge that it is just a crush. Focus on your own marriage and perhaps try and do some romantic things with your husband. Talking about this will cause an unnecessary amount of problems over pretty much nothing.

You're human, not a robot. It's normal to feel attracted towards people. If you didn't you would be seriously weird!

Just because you're married or in a relationship doesn't mean those feelings of attraction turn off.

People will do and say things where you see them in a "mmm they're attractive" way. It doesn't mean you want to be in a relationship with them. A relationship is seeing the whole person rather than one little snapshot.

I'd actually be quite worried if my DH didn't find any element of any other person attractive.

Enjoy the moment of attraction, and put it down to what it was - it's another human being that has a nice quality that you like. As will many other humans that you meet.

You didn’t say anything, didn’t act on it - there’s nothing to come clean about. You’re going to find other men attractive. Doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. I think you’re giving yourself too much of a hard time over nothing.

I’ve found other men attractive since being married to my DH. Even done a little bit of insta creeping. Would I ever act on it? Nope! I’m sure he’s done the same. Again, he’d never act on it as like me has no desire or interest to. Finding someone other than your husband attractive is ok, you’re not a bad wife or an awful person 🙂

You don't need to tell him. You've got a crush you won't be acting on. It'll pass

Do you tell your husband you typed some stuff into ChatGPT? Don’t be daft.

Maybe adjust your ChatGTP settings to tell the truth and challenge you, rather than pander to your existing views and neuroses

It's totally normal to be attracted to other people sometimes. Because your husband is not the only attractive person in the world, and you are human.

It's what you do about it that counts. And you didn't do anything wrong. So there's nothing to tell.

No doubt your husband will find other people attractive on occasion. Again, as long as he does nothing about it, that's fine.

You had a fleeting crush on someone, you didn’t murder anyone. I’m forever getting crushes .. normally on Bob Mortimer, Greg Davies, and the like. We are humans, not robots.

You wrote some fiction into AI …

Delete your AI chat history and move on. No need to tell anyone. You haven’t done anything wrong.

I would never ever act upon that, but did indulge the feelings, if that makes sense.

It doesn’t. Can you explain?

You are only wanting to tell your husband because you feel guilty. Live with it. He doesn't deserve to be upset in order for you to feel better. Next time you feel attracted to someone else remember that it's a momentary madness, get busy cleaning or other useful activity. Keep it in your head and not on the Internet.

You can't betray someone by just having thoughts. You've done nothing wrong. Keep it to yourself, no good will come from sharing this with your DH or friend. Maybe think about what it is about friends husband that is setting off these thoughts. Is there something in his and your friends relationship you want in yours? Are you getting bored with DH and need to put some effort in to get the spark back?

My DH and I have a reciprocal agreement. If Antonio Banderas or Catherine Zeta Jones knock on the door we both get a free pass.

we laugh and joke about these silly crushes.

it’s a bit different with someone you know I spose but it’s a crush and you’re not trying to act on it so not planning on cheating.

I wouldn’t mention it to your DH as it’s literally nothing.

Oh my goodness please don’t tell him!

I don't understand why you'd feel better telling your DH. Surely upsetting someone for no reason should cause more guilt?

You haven't done anything. I would understand your feelings if you had made a move on him or tried to indulge your fantasy by flirting with him but all you did was consult ai which tbh is weird imho. Your are a good person for knowing that it would not be ok to act on this attraction but fantasise all you want. I fantasise about a lot of people and rarely my husband because they are fantasy's. Fantasy's are fun but as long they stay fantasy's they are harmless and definitely not cheating.

It’s not cheating to be attracted to someone. And ChatGPT is just a bit of code. It’s like googling something and people google all sorts of crazy stuff. Put this man out of your mind, don’t be alone with him and just carry on as normal. I definitely wouldn’t upset my husband over a few thoughts I had

Unless we're living in some awful dystopia where the thought police are real what have you actually done that you feel so bad about?
You're honestly being ridiculous.

Fuck me.

You need to join a drama club OP.

Come clean about what? You haven't done anything.

Your brain is telling you that you have an unmet need though that you could talk to your husband about.

Unless you’re about to drip feed that you did in fact cheat on your husband, do not, DO NOT, say anything to him. He’ll be hurt, even though nothing happened so please don’t cause unnecessary and unkind drama in his life, let alone yours.

You haven't done anything or made a move on him or anything. You're fine. You're completely normal. Take some time for yourself to breathe and assuming that you are relatively happy in your marriage, bring your focus back where you want it to be. You got tired and lost focus on your normal life goals. Completely normal. You could take some time to sit with your feelings also and see what comes to the surface, in case there is some unhappiness about something behind what happened. Or you could just carry on also after a breather. You're grand

You’ve got/had a crush on someone.
nothings happened, nothing to tell.
I bet if you asked your husband, he’d have a crush on someone too!

Nothing happened except you felt sexy in someone's company. Channel those lovely feelings into your marriage.
No harm done.