I am a terrible wife!!!

[ThatLilacLeader]

I am a bad wife and pretty awful person. My husband is really kind and good to me. I am hoping not to get too flamed for this because I’m feeling quite vulnerable - but getting flamed would be totally deserved.

i recently felt an attraction to a friends husband. I would never ever act upon that, but did indulge the feelings, if that makes sense. I feel ridiculous writing this but I even had a chat with chat gpt about some of his behaviours to see if it seemed he was also attracted to me. I know this makes me sound totally weird, but I really need to offload this. I was thinking of him quite a bit, but as I said, would never act on it.

Today, I feel awful. Quite repulsed with myself for the fact that I was even thinking any of this and feel like I have totally betrayed my friend and husband. I feel like I need to come clean, as I keep imagining how my husband would feel if he even read what I wrote on chat gpt. I feel like I don’t deserve him and need to be honest with him about what I’ve done.

I know this is AIBU, but am hoping for some kindness - which I know I don’t deserve. What do I do? Do I tell him? I know feel nothing towards that man but obviously had a moment of madness in my mind. Please help.

There is literally nothing to tell him. You haven't done anything wrong other than have some tasty thoughts about another person.

Don't we all do that? I know I have had some less than pure thoughts about other men during my marriage, but as long as that is where it stays, in your head, and you don't share these or act on them then no harm done.

We are all human after all and it's perfectly normal to feel sexual attraction to other people.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

You seem to be someone very harsh with herself, and with not much of life experience.
How old are you, if you don’t mind saying? And what was your childhood like?

My DH and I have the same agreement but with Jensen Ackles and Kylie Minogue 😂

It is Normal to be attracted to people. You didn’t act on them or encourage another. In fact by thinking it’s abnormal you may be inclined to think about it more.

Read Gottmans ‘seven principles fo making marriage work’ and Gottmans ‘Eight Dates’ books. Instead of giving him this burden to make yourself feel a bit better, read the books, learn the skills, share them with him and become an amazing wife that you are proud of. The books are the best relationship books I have read. With some fun exercises to do.

You don't need to come clean at all, most people fancy other people at some point, its normal. However if the sexes were swapped im sure most of the posters on here would be calling the OP all the cunts under the sun.

Don’t tell him. That would hurt him and cause problems for a long time for no reason as you haven’t done anything. If you have a close and trusted friend I’d talk to them. If not a counsellor or something if you need to offload

Um girl normal behaviour, I look at men in the supermarket and catch myself thinking I would. You're human, news flash.

Indulging a bit of fantasy in a long marriage or having a crush isn’t a crime. You are being way too hard on yourself and have checked it before it got out of hand and are self aware to realise there is a slippery
slope and have stopped yourself before
you got anywhere nr that

ummm I know that this is an MN standard but could it be perimenopause? I had some really shocking thoughts and dreams during it. Never acted on any of them but it felt really real.

My aunt used to call it 'lady's fingers' (in French)...

That's how I read it, but I did have several glasses of white wine at lunch.

You need to dig deep, overcome your mortification and find your sense of humour.

Tell yourself how silly you are to have a crush, but it’s totally normal. Tell yourself you are proud that you’re not the sort of person who would act on those feelings. You are self reflecting, moral and strong.

You will use this passing fancy to think about what is missing from your life right now, without considering your friends DH as a viable option. He’s just a symbol of there being something not quite right in your life.

I’m wondering if you are lacking something in your relationship, that you see your friend has with her husband? And that is the route of your feelings.

Nothing happened. Who knows what your DH fantasises about when you're having sex - I'm sure if he had any sense he wouldn't feel the need to tell you everything!

So you have a crush and wrote to ChatGPT?

…Aren’t you embarrassed admitting to this?

You're allowed to have your own secret thoughts.
Please don't tell them and upset them and mess with their heads. You've done nothing.

🤯 Jeez you’ll put yourself into an early grave worrying about non- stuff like this 😵‍💫
Give your head a wobble, delete your search history and move on.
Maybe ask Chatty G how to stop being an over thinker 🥴

It sounds like you have a crush and the good news is, it will pass. In the meantime though, delete your chat GPT conversation and obviously don’t do anything about your crush. But no need to confess anything. in fact, I thing you’d do more harm than good doing so.

"Shocking thoughts" like finding a man attractive? 🙄 I might have been perimenopausal since the age of 15 then.

Right! My DH fancies my best mate. Everyone does, she's gorgeous. He's got a few tasty mates himself. We all manage to survive without resorting to Chat GPT and mumsnet hysterics.

You are attracted to another person. There's nothing wrong in being attracted to other people, it's human nature. If you'd acted upon that attraction, that would be completely different, but you haven't. There's nothing to tell your husband or your friend.

You need to stop beating yourself up and move on with your life.

You are not a terrible wife, OP. You are a normal human being. Stop beating yourself up, just relax and enjoy your life!

It’s not a crime to be attracted to people when you’re in a relationship. If it was I’d be in prison after watching Bridgerton

Has anything your DH said or done led you to this belief, OP? Has he ever tried to make you feel that you need only to have eyes for him and anything else is 'cheating'?

And don't resort to ChatGPT. You might just as well ask a Speak Your Weight machine about emotional turmoil, it has about as much idea.

Sounds like fairly harmless daydreaming to me? You didn't do anything. It would be a pretty unusual marriage for you never to feel attraction for anyone else ever again. That isn't realistic.

well no....nothing I am going to write about on here but it went way further than that.