Can I leave 14.5 year old for a few hours without a babysitter?

[Stripes84]

My teen is 14.5 years old and used to being at home for a couple of hours on their own in the day/early eve. They are sensible. I am meant to be going out this eve but its around 30 mins away and I would be back around 11.30pm, leaving at around 6pm. We live in a safe road, with good neighbours either side. I have asked DC whether they would like me to ask one of my friends daughters (aged 21) to come and keep them company, or that they could go to their grandparents for the evening, they positively cringed at this suggestion and said they were very much looking forward to being on their own for a few hours with the TV/snacks/house to self. My neighbour on the one side (a lovely lady) has already agreed to be a contact person in case there is any emergency, and of course I would come straight back in the event of this anyway. I am not sure whether I am being ridiculously over the top/mollycoddling. Help, please, mumsnetters.

YABU - its fine for DC to be left!
YANBU - you should get sitter/person to keep company

God I’m glad my children aren’t growing up in the UK! What has happened to you there??

Mine have been taking themselves home from school and fixing snacks since they were eight. At 13 as scouts they’re expected not just to cook for themselves in their small groups, but to build the fireplaces with superstructures they cook on for a week!

The biggest risks you’re exposing your children to is bringing them up to be useless and helpless and afraid.

Hopefully not long, at least for the oven, but he does get distracted and forget he’s cooking ( his sister is ND and I suspect he may have ADHD). For lunches when I’m working he’s always been fine making a sandwich or heating something up in the microwave, though I mostly wfh anyway.

It's nothing to do with being in the UK, but a few very overprotective parents who convince themselves they are doing it for the good of their DC.

The experiences of my children are similar to yours. Both Duke of Edinburgh award expeditions and Food Tech GCSE are also things that 14 year olds would routinely do which involve cooking on their own.

At least this thread has now explained why my DD had to spend her first weeks at university teaching a couple of her flatmates things like how to cook pasta and to use the microwave. Clearly both too dangerous to do under the age of 18

Of course you can.

I'm in the UK, and believe me, many of us have raised competent, self reliant and responsible children!

I agreed the age is absolutely fine to be left. I stand by the not cooking part. Heating up/microwave/air fryer/toaster, crack on!

ps. My youngest child is not yet that age! My older children however are successful confident adults.

I agree that this over-protective approach only serves to make teenagers less independent and scared.

But I don't think it's that widespread in the UK - at least I hope not!
Most people seem to see age 11 when children start Secondary School as the time to give children more independence.
Although I do wonder if that is changing with more people now wfh and consequently being home all the time...

A 14 year old could be the babysitter in this scenario! Absolutely fine.

My grandad was working down t'pit at 15. How far have we come when someone only 6 months younger needs a babysitter?

At 14.5 my dd could definitely handle a few hours in the evening alone. She has ASD. She still could handle a few hours alone in the evening.

Monday and Tuesday I’m working so leaving 14yo twins (year 10 if that makes a difference) home from 8.30am to 6pm. Dd1 is 18 and might be home by 4.30 but I’ve not asked her to be. It never occurred to me it wouldn’t be okay. From 14 they should be fine surely?

Omg yes leave them! Your neighbour will keep an eye and they know how to reach you. The only reason I wouldn’t leave my 14yo is cos I also have a 6yo and babysitting feels like a bit too much

I was 11/12 when I was left alone at home as my parents left for work early. My parents left about 7:15am and I left for school 8:25am.

My DM worked p/t so she was home 2pm about 97% of the time

Surely they already go to from school.on their own etc? Of course is fine

Really? Babysitting a 6 year old is "too much" for a 14 year old?
Why? At 14 a teenager is quite responsible surely?
Or does the 6 year old in question have needs that makes them particularly challenging?

He or she will be fine as long as not nervous person, ie someone scared of the darjk, who hears things that go bump in the night, doesn't want to go upstairs alone very late I think you would know if that were the case (I was like that), your child has said he or she will be fine, accept it and enjoy yourself.

If you’re that worried have your DC attend a first aid/ babysitter course where they cover what to do in case of emergency.

I was a paid babysitter at 14 for 2 neighbouring families lol

Have a bit more faith and trust in your kid!!

Of course its fine, at 14 my DD was babysitting her little brother including feeding him supper, brushing his teeth and putting him to bed, so the idea that she wouldn't be able to look after herself at that age is ridiculous.
And as for the no cooking idea, they ought to be able to cook some things unsupervised by that age if you've taken the time to teach them. DD uses the oven and the hob when she's home alone - when she's 16 she's going to be living independently so she needs plenty of practice before then.

Its good that you questioned yourself, its natural to feel apprehensive about your child developing more independence but it has to happen regardless.

my dd is 16 now but has been babysitting since she was 13 and more regularly since 14. Perfectly fine OP I’d have done this in your circumstances with either of mine from about 11. Obviously depends on the individual dc but yours seems more than happy

I was 14 when i was left alone while my parents went to Malta on holiday. I went to school, i cooked my dinner and made sure the place was tidy. I survived. Some parents need to let go.

How many DCs are you leaving on their own? It's a bit confusing as you quote a single age of 14 1/2 - mine were babysitting other children at that age- but you also mention they and them. Does this means there's another younger child in the equation I wonder?

I think this is fine. Maybe for your peace of mind have regular texts and sort an emergency contact