Can I leave 14.5 year old for a few hours without a babysitter?

[Stripes84]

My teen is 14.5 years old and used to being at home for a couple of hours on their own in the day/early eve. They are sensible. I am meant to be going out this eve but its around 30 mins away and I would be back around 11.30pm, leaving at around 6pm. We live in a safe road, with good neighbours either side. I have asked DC whether they would like me to ask one of my friends daughters (aged 21) to come and keep them company, or that they could go to their grandparents for the evening, they positively cringed at this suggestion and said they were very much looking forward to being on their own for a few hours with the TV/snacks/house to self. My neighbour on the one side (a lovely lady) has already agreed to be a contact person in case there is any emergency, and of course I would come straight back in the event of this anyway. I am not sure whether I am being ridiculously over the top/mollycoddling. Help, please, mumsnetters.

YABU - its fine for DC to be left!
YANBU - you should get sitter/person to keep company

I'm now trying to imagine my own face if my mum had suggested a baby sitter for me when I was 14! 🤣

I suspect Cherry maybe being a tad sarky? 🤔

I used to pay 14 year olds to baby sit my children and then at 14 my child was baby sitting for others.

My current 14 year old spends entire days home alone given that schools get a lot more holiday than we do!

So what would your opinion be if the 14 year old cooks, an unfortunate accident happens where a fire is started and she doesn’t know what to do, who helps?

I think the point is, if you are trusting the 14 year old, assuming because you are now busy or unable to come back at that time that risks should be reduced, if not removed for the safety of the child and reassurance to the adult?

Or you could, you know, actually teach your child how to deal with situations that might arise? At 14, she is old for being able to be left alone, not a young child who needs careful protection and hand holding.

Or, a different question. If you think a 14 year old should be banned from doing anything potentially dangerous like cooking without an adult there, at what age do you think this would be ok?

lol. At 14.5 my DC were doing the babysitting. Not needing one!

That sounds perfectly fine and reasonable! I'm sure she'd know what to do if anything untoward happened, but you're nearby anyway.

It's fine!

I was babysitting my two siblings and five families at 13 (not all at once 😂)

You know her best but your plan sounds more than reasonable...go out and have an amazing time!

this has to be a joke?

A young 14 year old is different to an older 14 year old, they are all different as they are all offered different life experiences. It’s unfair to generalise.

yes of course you teach those skills but that is what an accident is, an accident and of course that’s what risk assessing is.

14 year old should be absolutely fine by themselves for a while I totally agree. I would still ask them not to cook whilst I’m not there.

I think this is probably going to be more beneficial for you than you realise. I think you might be struggling a bit with the concept she’s growing up and doesn’t need supervision every minute anymore. I think you’ll get home and find her on the sofa with biscuits, watching whatever 14 yr olds watch, and having a lovely time, and it might make it easier for you to release those apron strings a little bit more.

Was he? I didn’t get an invite

I would say as long as you trust they will be sensible then it’s absolutely fine. At that age I was looking after my 10 year old brother all day Saturday while parents were renovating a house. Just make sure that you’re contactable in an emergency/ they have other adults they can contact if help needed.

Maybe you had to be part of his squad.

Knock yourself out. He will be fine on his own at home for a few hours.

Yeh as @redskyAtNigh says, maybe teach the 14yo about cooking safely, accidents and what to do. Actually a long time before they are 14.

A young 14yo and an old 14yo? what on earth does it matter? honestly my dc cooked with minimal supervision way before the teenage years. If you have a DC who is NT and 14 and they cannot cook something for themselves safely – yes, make tea or coffee, cook pasta, warm up pizza, know not to stick a knife in the toaster – well I think you have other issues beyond going out for the evening.

And yes at what age would you allow them to cook? Honestly stunned by this comment. What on earth do you think is going to happen anyway?

And as for removing risks – you can't. You literally cannot. Children and indeed adults risk falling when going down the stairs. They risk a flood when they turn the taps on. They risk being run over when they cross the road. I assume a 14yo is allowed to do that? These risks are low (the road one feels the most likely tbh) and we learn to manage them and deal. Or we do if we are allowed to.

If you can't leave a 14-year-old (with the exception of teenagers with disabilities, of course) alone for the night in my opinion you've failed at parenting on some level.

Ffs. Nearly 15 and can't be left alone? Ridiculous.

I think this should be a wake up call to review what else dc is being allowed or encouraged to do.

Can they cook a meal? Can they do a wash? Can they get a bus somewhere? Can they go to the shop and pick up basic bits for you? Can they do basic household cleaning?

Do they know what to do if there's a fire? Do they know what to do if the power goes out? Do they know what to do if someone they don't know knocks on the door?

Not to be patronising, but you know your anxiety is making you overthink leaving a 14.5 year old, there may be other areas it's impacting too and they'll be an independent adult before you know it.

My 13 year old enjoys cooking and is generally pretty good at it, but does have a tendency to get distracted, so for this reason while I’m happy to stay out the kitchen and leave him to it I do insist on an adult being in the house if he’s using the hob or oven.

Completely fine. My DD was babysitting other people’s kids at that age.

@Justploddingonandon at what age will be be allowed to cook when alone in the house? Many people need to leave their secondary age DC alone al day some of the time in the school holidays (unless they wfh full time or don't work obvs). I cannot imagine banning them from cooking a pizza. What is going to happen – honestly?

Unless the 14 year old has SEN, 14 is not an age at which cooking unsupervised should be considered to be a dangerous pursuit.

If they've never been allowed to do it (building up gradually from an earlier age) this is a sign of overprotective parenting.

Like others, I was babysitting at 14.

Unless they have a disability or are vulnerable due to SEN, then no they should have been left along years ago.

I was doing a Saturday job at 13 and babysitting my much younger half-siblings at that age. Regularly came home from school to an empty house and then fed my sisters their tea. As did most of my peers.

I’d recommend some counselling if you haven’t let go of the reigns yet, OP. Your child needs to be allowed space to develop independence as it’s the foundation for self confidence as an adult.

I agree, they should definitely be able to cook unsupervised at 14! We started ours of assisting at about 7-9, then cooking supervised after that until about 11ish. They need to learn to do this before it becomes essential, which includes all the safety aspects.
Unless a child has additional needs, they should be able to cook safely, unsupervised at 14, and know how to deal with it when something goes wrong.