To not know how to handle the response to the joint party suggestion?

[runningroundalot]

Reading threads on here and noticed that a lot of people suggested joint parties to save money. Parties are really expensive so I messaged another mum with a birthday around the same time as ds to see if she’d like to throw them a joint party.

She’s replied in a way that’s made me feel really awkward, made it kind of plain that she thinks it’s a really odd suggestion.

I don’t know how to leave it now! Wish I’d never asked.

What did she say then ? Personally I think it’s a bit odd to do joint parties unless the children involved are best friends .

How old are the children? By about 5yrs old (in my experience), the child tends to want their own party. I wouldn’t worry about it. Did she say yes or no? Are you and your child good friends with them?

Can you paraphrase her reply?

Basically I'd say something like 'No worries was just a thought, hope your little one enjoys the party, we will send an invite when we book ours' (if applicable!)

What did she say that made it awkward?

"No worries, we will just do our own thing". Don't overthink. It was a suggestion. She'd rather not, for whatever reason. Probably nothing personal but she probably doesn't fancy compromising or doesn't need to save money/faff. Another person might have jumped at the chance but it's not for everyone.

I don't understand how it could be awkward? Can you explain what she said that made you think that?

Surely all you need to reply is no problem thanks for the speedy response.

It’s fine to ask, just reply ‘no problem’. I wouldn’t want to do a joint party for my DC but I’d never be a rude in the reply.

“No worries, was just a thought. Hope you’ve had a good Easter break, see you on Monday!”

no need to take offence or over-think it - you suggested something and she said no thanks. Nothing to read into it.

If your children are not close friends it’s sort of awkward suggestion. And depending how you’ve asked some people might see it as a push from you and it might affect their answer.

By the way I don’t like joint parties.

It’s a fab idea (my friend and I did a joint class partyfor our children who share a birthday, splitting cost and workload) but maybe she wasn’t planning on doing a party and it caught her off guard.. I agree with pp with “no worries, it was just a thought”

a few people locally now do “park parties” which are always a hit. Just take some cake to the park and let others know you are going. Nice and easy and cheap!

What did she say?

I think that if you don't have the means to pay for a party you just have a smaller party at home. The only times I've been to a joint party is one for twins and another for two besties where the mums were besties as well. I would find a request from another school mum a bit weird if our children weren't best friends and we knew each other well.

You really need to say roughly what her response was. I can only presume your children aren't close friends? They just happen to have fairly close birthdays? And she's not a close friend of yours?

I personally wouldn't do a joint party for my kid, I'd just do it very small if money tight. But I wouldn't be rude about the suggestion.

Though I might be fairly up front that I don't think it would work. I guess that could seem rude to someone if they were sensitive and it felt like a snub. But it wouldn't be meant hurtfully.

As a child I had a joint birthday party several times with two girls who had a birthday around mine. I'm pretty sure it must have meant we could have both school classes invited and it was a lot less stress for our mum's. I've always thought it's a good idea, so I think it's the other parent just being odd. Presumably she has her own plans already.

It’s usually only done with two children in the same class, or with the same basic group of friends; to avoid having either two parties on same day or joint friends torn as to which one to go to if the times coincide.
How close are the two children, op?

I don’t think it’s a big issue if she’s not interested.
Just reply “ok, no worries” and leave it at that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I did a joint party for DS when he was 5 with my friend’s little girl of the same age. It was inexpensive but still fun as we shared costs inc. hiring the village hall and a couple of professional entertainers. It worked out really well, especially as her DH did all the catering.

I did a joint party for dd3 when she was young enough that parties were whole class affairs. I can’t remember if I or the other mum suggested it but basically we would both have wanted the same Saturday afternoon so it made sense to combine. We hosted as our garden was bigger but split the food and the hire of a bouncy castle. Split organising party games and had two birthday cakes. It worked well but all of the guests would have been invited to either child’s party anyway.

Did this for my sons first school Birthday party, but he and his friend had been besties since they were about 8 weeks old and me and the other mum are pretty much besties now. The children might as well be cousins! I don't have anyone as close through my nearly 4 year old, so wouldn't plan the same for her.

Did you stop to think that you might have made her feel very awkward by asking? If she was out and out rude, she's in the wrong, of course, but if it's just that she's flummoxed as to why you would suggest it, that's understandable. Are you two particular friends? Are the children best friends? Did you ask your child if they would like to share a party with this particular child? I would be taken aback by being asked, to be honest, if it came right out of the blue.

Don't worry OP. It was fine for you to ask, fine for her to say no. Forget about her response and move on.

You're probably overthinking this. Just say: okay, was just an idea. No problem! Wipe your nose and move on.

While I don't think it's unusual or strange to ask, I don't think you should ask a question if you're not prepared for either option to be the response.

She could have said yes, in which case you would get to planning together. She chose to decline, in which case you reply with "That's fine, hope to see X at Ys party, we'll let you know when we have details" and carry on with planning.

Do you have children. My DCs went to loads of joint parties. They were very common when two children in the same class had a birthday on the same week.

Why are people reacting as though OP has asked if she can move into her spare room?

Would it really be out of the blue though? My DD's birthday is end of the school year and by the end of y1 which was peak all class party age pretty much everyone was doing joint parties - sometimes 3 way- with anyone whose birthday was close. Soft play hired, 2 cakes. Job done. No pressure to say yes of course but being "flummoxed" or "taken aback" would have been an odd response as it was clearly a common thing. Obviously someone must have started the trend though.

It’s a completely ordinary thing to propose, OP. If she’s not keen, just say ‘No problem, just an idea. Hope C enjoys his/her party!’