to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

[catchingup1]

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

That is lovely for you.

But thank God for my wonderful manager, who cut me some slack & kept a track of the hours I owed from starting/ finishing late. These were then made up as & when, again without anyone else being privy.

My manager is not doing that. We are making up her hours and finishing her tasks.

Not any more. We are no longer going to do her work. So she can do her job and go home.

She is not taking it as leave and or making the time up. This is why the team are resentful.

We are not going to pick up her work anymore.

What?

How?

Honestly that is a wiiiiiild accusation

Looking in the mirror again?

Read the replies on the other posts. Unwilling to reflect that there could be information that they are not privy to, and demonstrating zero compassion and understanding. Some of us have been managing teams for a long time and can spot it a mile off.

Small companies that’s how it always works but the manager needs to manage. Her private life is no concern of yours. You may have to leave if this isn’t rectified.

Why should she demonstrate compassion and understanding? Not her place - she just needs to do her work in her contracted hours and let management sort out any work that’s not being done.

What has that got to do with the price of bread? 🙄

If you've been managing teams for a long time (so have I FWIW), you'd know that it's up to management to sort this mess out and not put extra work on other staff.

The circumstances don't matter.

Wow, really! Shocking culture and values in your workplace too. No wonder we have such an issue these days and people don’t want to work.

We are going to refuse to do her work. That will force it back to management.

It will most likely have a negative effect on her private life but it is not concern of ours.

Maybe there is nothing for management to sort. This is the perspective of one person who claims to be representing the whole team’s views. But we don’t know that do we. We also don’t know whether she herself is performing or not, or just blaming others for poor performance. We don’t know the circumstances of the worker who is also a carer and we don’t know what agreement they have for flexibility in place with their manager. As such OP needs to deal with the things they can manage such as working the required hours only, asking for support in prioritising tasks that are given as she can’t do everything and managing up cleverly to
make sure she isn’t feeling this way.

@catchingup1 i concur. Make your work cover the hours you work so no room to repeatedly, regularly pick up her work until managers need to deal with why work isn’t done. The managers sound like they won’t do anything as the work slack is being picked up and done by others. So it’s not an issue for management. Make it an issue.

I feel sorry for her but she knows what the job requires and is constantly unable to fulfil her role or make up for it.

Fucking hell... do you regularly not bother reading the threads then chime in?

Whatever arrangements the colleague has or doesn't have.. is nothing to do with the OP. All we know is that the OP is having to do extra work of the colleague, resulting in extra hours and an unhappy workforce.

That's a management issue. End of.

She hasn't blamed anyone for poor performance and the personal life of the colleague is nobody else's business.

Are you ok?

😂 So you have no reasonable response. Thought so.

I had this in my last job and she was very open about her husband having a Big Important Job, so he couldn't possibly pitch in. She was run so ragged that she was often ill herself. For what it's worth, she eventually got let go and her DH is making it very hard for her to find alternative employment as he won't facilitate more hours.
This situation absolutely exists and it stinks.

I have a lot to say but you can’t argue with stupid so I am not bothering.

Isolate your issue here. It is not that this person who has DC and a useless DH is going home early and being off work. This is a non starter because there are laws, GDPR, company policies etc. that protect her, and quite rightly so. One day you may be in a similar position. It's frustrating, but this is a road to nowhere for you.

The only argument that you have in this situation, is that you have extra work to do, deadlines are moved, and if you have to work extra hours or lunches. If this is the case, your argument is that you have extra work to do on top of your own, that it is causing you stress, affecting morale and that you want to know what is going to be done to address the unsustainable work load and extra hours. So, is it going to be time banked, paid, or can they get in a temp to cover it?

Write your manager an email. Make it formal, but don't mention the other woman at all. Address the extra work, stress only.

Why can't this woman, go home, and then log in and finish off her work at home?

YANBU
But unfortunately for you, you come across as being quite hard nosed and lacking in compassion.

I’m guessing you don’t have kids, but you don’t need to have kids to have those qualities.

I don’t blame you for not doing her work, but don’t add to her pressure by being
unkind and creating a nasty atmosphere.

Have you actually tried talking to her (kindly)?

I hope it can be resolved for everyone including her.

Personally I think it sounds like the OP is worn out. Has been doing the work for so long now because she has felt sorry for her friend and colleague. But is now physically drained and therefore it's starting to cause a strain.

All the OP has said they will do is not do the extra work... I don't think the OP planned to create a nasty atmosphere.

People don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad managers.
My workplace employed 2 people who could not do the job, so I was always being sent off site to do the job, because they couldn't do it. I complained and things got worse, so I left the job, and the women who now they were stuck with, still couldn't do the work. Fuck knows what they did!!

What I got from the OP was that this situation is actually unnecessary because the colleagues DH is not pulling his weight, and as a result they are having to fill this gap for their colleague. I think that resentment is justified.

Last year my DH had to go on extra work trips and it turned out he was doing so as his colleague was pulling out of them as his wife was giving him grief over being away. So, me and my DC had to suck up more DH travel, forgo weekends and I had to take time off work because of this colleagues wife (she has form for being a really difficult person).

I was livid and asked my DH to say he couldn't pick up the slack any more and he did.

Are you OP's colleague with childcare issues impacting the rest of the team? If so, not really helping yourself here 😬

OP I think you are right to refuse to do the extra work or stay late. You have ended up resenting your colleague but it should be effecting the manager and not you. Your manager has been unfair on all of you.