Is my dentist rude?

[noMoreAnxiously2125]

I always come back from dentist feeling down and I know most people would just shrug and say oh well but I feel things so deeply - possibly ND.

From the moment we walk in I feel a horrible atmosphere and a very heavy environment if that makes sense? The receptionists I greet very friendly with “hello how are you? We are here for XYZ” but I’m met with blank stares!

The dentist is no better again no pleasantries with the kids and just basically get in and out quickly type of guy. I’m private btw with them and my kids are nhs not sure why I’m including that but just for context as they make me feel they are going very out of their way to even see us.

I’m conflicted whether to find another but kids have been going there since they were 6 months old and I don’t know if I can be bothered to find another one. As I was leaving today I said bye to receptionist who looked up and muttered something to the other receptionist and they laughed. I was in 2 minds whether to go back and ask what’s wrong but I don’t have the guts to do that!

im downplaying how upset I feel btw as I feel I’m going to get judged but I do feel really upset, I hate feeling like this especially around my kids. Surely they will see as they grow older how I’m treated and might make them feel embarrassed?

the people voting YABU can you explain why do I can see from another perspective pls. It’s showing 100% YABU at present!

That's very unusual, it doesn't sound welcoming or professional.

As you're private you can find another practice.

I don’t know if I can be bothered to find another one.

That's fine, but unless you either

• provide constructive, non-emotional feedback and then hope it improves your experience, or
• vote with your feet

Then it is unlikely to change any time soon.

As for 100% "YABU" I think this "I was in 2 minds whether to go back and ask what’s wrong but I don’t have the guts to do that!" isn't ever the right approach...because what do you think will happen the next time you need the dentist?

Thank you. I didn’t know what is normal tbh as I’ve been with them for 10 years since I moved here to London. Originally not from London but from a small town and dentists there were lovely. I remember my childhood dentist always making small talk with me and being so lovely but I feel sad my children haven’t got same experience.

Are you always this rude/crazy? Lol feeding grapes 😂

No I expect an adult to respond to a hello when it’s literally their job to greet you as a receptionist and make another appointment before you leave. Plus a dentist to make little kids feel at ease by talking to them

Unfortunately when I lived in London this was my experience with dentists.
As you said OP, it wasn’t like that where you lived before.
Good luck with your search for a new dentist.

I truly don’t understand your post. If they don’t make appointments, how have you been more than once? What are you talking about secretions for? Why do you think the dentist should make small talk with your children?

I truly think you’re expecting far too much and it’s unreasonable.

Thank you for your reply. Can I ask as you had same experience did you try to find another or was it the same? How did you not let the rudeness and bluntness get you down?

I think accross the board basic customer service and manners has really taken a nose dive. Go into any shop, or contact any organisation, and you are rarely met with any professionalism, most customers are treated like their a nuisance. Even in places like John Lewis and Marks and Spencers most staff are disinterested unmotivated and lack the very basics in courtesy. They may as well work in the pound shop. Not so long ago this just would not be the case, but it is the same everywhere.

My surgery goes through a lot of dentists, so I think they do vary a lot in terms of how personable they are or even whether their way of doing things suits you (DH has loved some of the dentists I hated most).

If you don't like the dentist, then I'd suggest moving, but you might find it difficult to find one that will see your children under the NHS, so you'll have to weigh up whether he's actually a decent dentist just without many social skills.

It isn’t entitled to expect politeness, good manners and a welcoming environment from a dentist and their staff, @Orchardly.

And I’m not sure why you are accusing @noMoreAnxiously2125 of being entitled, when you have invented a whole, daft scenario about grapes and fans!

No Idea why you think that the dentist needs to waste time with pleasantries, everyone is moaning they can’t get an appointment.

I think you’re right. I don’t shop in stores and get food delivered so I think the lack of basic courtesy of saying hello and smiling really shocks me! As in my mind it’s like the past times of greeting the customer. I worked in. Customer facing roles and would never ignore a hello!

The receptionists at my dentist are lovely, however I had one dentist that was such a dick I didn’t go back (for myself) until he left. Luckily, he was quite good with DD and she liked him. The lady I have now is great. Some people can be really crap , dentists/receptionists included , however , either vote with your feet or give some constructive criticism/feedback.

I'm not sure that just because your dentist is not being friendly, you can call him/her rude.

You have to actively do something rude to be rude.

What rot. My dentist manages to speak to me pleasantly and still gets through my appointment efficiently and in a timely manner, @Skybluepinky.

Pleasant manners cost nothing and take up minimal time.

It’s not exactly hard to say hello, and exchange some pleasantries while you take your coat off, sit down, they get their tools etc. mine manages and DD is only in there for 7 minutes.

@Wishingplenty Agreed. In fact I was in John Lewis today, looking to buy something reasonably expensive. I couldn't find it so asked a member of staff (young guy). He sort of vaguely waved his hand in a general direction and left me to it. I still couldn't find it and he could see that, but did nothing to help. He wasn't busy at all. So I left.

I understand how you feel, I think the receptionists sound very rude. Do you think your dentist is maybe just quiet? I have a new one at the practice I go to. He isn't friendly at all, he doesn't say more than hello and bye and if I need any work. I don't really feel relaxed as I have with the other dentists at the practice. When you think about it though, as long as he's a good dentist, he doesn't need to be a friend!
If you're really uncomfortable with the set up, you should look for another practice. Have a look at reviews online for one that is good with children. Ask in your local Facebook group (if you have one) for recommendations.

They can still have basic manners. Op yanbu i love my dentist he's always cracking jokes and makes me feel comfortable. The receptionist is fine to. We do have one thats a bit of a dragon lady but she likes me so I've never had any issues with her. I would change dentists this isn't normal

the clinic i attend the receptionists have ear pods in place are answering calls AND online scheduling/billing. so it's not unusual to be met with that blank stare and a few repeat questions minutes later.
the hygienists are friendly but again focused the dentist comes in midway to do a quick check/review of any x rays then leave.
all the while i have on the mandatory eye protection equipment and the dentist has on their own strange head gear (lighted magnifying lenses).
so it doesn't make for warm fuzzy friendly meet up's BUT damn the clinic is amazingly efficient which i appreciate.

Ignoring someone who says hello is rude

Im not sure if he is quiet, I don’t think so as he’s very chatty with the dental nurse and they chat about their own stuff whilst I’m there. But he just seems really cold with me and the kids. A bit angry even. But I do pick ip things others don’t.

Do dentists really ‘exchange pleasantries’ with small children?

What sort of thing?

Just find another one - you say you don’t want to but it’s obviously hideous enough that you are offended.

so glad you didn’t go back and confront the receptionists though - you would have looked ludicrous and also would probably have been banned from the practice