Is my dentist rude?

[noMoreAnxiously2125]

I always come back from dentist feeling down and I know most people would just shrug and say oh well but I feel things so deeply - possibly ND.

From the moment we walk in I feel a horrible atmosphere and a very heavy environment if that makes sense? The receptionists I greet very friendly with “hello how are you? We are here for XYZ” but I’m met with blank stares!

The dentist is no better again no pleasantries with the kids and just basically get in and out quickly type of guy. I’m private btw with them and my kids are nhs not sure why I’m including that but just for context as they make me feel they are going very out of their way to even see us.

I’m conflicted whether to find another but kids have been going there since they were 6 months old and I don’t know if I can be bothered to find another one. As I was leaving today I said bye to receptionist who looked up and muttered something to the other receptionist and they laughed. I was in 2 minds whether to go back and ask what’s wrong but I don’t have the guts to do that!

im downplaying how upset I feel btw as I feel I’m going to get judged but I do feel really upset, I hate feeling like this especially around my kids. Surely they will see as they grow older how I’m treated and might make them feel embarrassed?

I voted YABU simply because you're private - vote with your feet. Don't pay for a service you're not happy with. My dentist(s) are lovely. Always ask me about work (one of them is born in a part of the world that I work on) or about my dogs. Or anything.

I'm with Bupa and very happy.

However...

Surely they will see as they grow older how I’m treated and might make them feel embarrassed?

That is quite a leap and a wee bit irrational. So I do wonder if perhaps there is an air you're giving off - which doesn't make their treatment of you any better or excuse it - that makes you quite hard work and they've picked up on that.

Basic interactions are part of a professional service. It takes less than three seconds to smile and say 'how are you?'

Ignoring someone or remaining stonyfaced is actively rude.

There are some ridiculous posts on this thread! I’ve lived in London for nearly 40 years, have 3 kids and have had various dentists over this period and they have all been pleasant, friendly and made appropriate small talk with the whole family. My current dentist I’ve had for about 15 years now and the kids know what his children’s names are and what football team he supports and his first name so it’s not hard and not unusual to spend a few minutes putting people at ease

It was the ‘exchanging pleasantries’ that was random.

I was actually a child myself once and never had a dentist or doctor exchanging pleasantries with me.

Some people don’t have a rapport with children - doesn’t make them bad at their jobs.

And no I don’t work with children thankfully.

What’s the alternative?

I was actually a child myself once and never had a dentist or doctor exchanging pleasantries with me.

That could explain quite a lot …

Wow. Just wow. Still, it could be worse, I could be the type of person who likes having digs at random people on the internet and telling them they shouldn’t have children 🤣

What’s your excuse?

I can see why you think the receptionists were rude, particularly given their job is literally to welcome people, they seem pretty shit at it, but not really sure what your issue is with the actual dentist.

Not being particularly warm or chatty isn't necessarily the same as rude. Lots of people just want to get in and out of the dentist to get it over with asap. Yes it's nicer if someone is at least vaguely pleasant but nothing you've said has suggested that they are rude to you to the point your kids would pick up on it and be negatively affected, so it does seem a bit OTT that you're worried about that.

It's an absolute ball ache trying to get an NHS dentist these days. I'd just roll my eyes and try to ignore them. Who really cares what a dentist's receptionist thinks of you? Not in a snobby way, but who are they to you, really?

Exactly. And you say you smile at them but you may not come across how you think you do.

YANBU. How you're treated by medical professionals can have a really big impact. They have no idea how difficult it has been for the person to get to that appointment or what difficult past experiences they may have had. My dentist is a ray of sunshine, and so is my kid's dentist. Been taking my son since his first tooth appeared and the dentist being kind, friendly, funny, all within the span of a short 5-10m checkup, has left him with such a positive impression of the dentist and he absolutely loves going to see her. In contrast I know adults who have had really awful, scary experiences in childhood who developed a phobia.

As a child I had terrible teeth as my parents didn't look after them at all. I had five molars pulled out when I was in primary school, I think 5-6yr? You'd think going in and having a general, teeth yanked out, big holes in my bleeding gums would all put me off the dentist, but no. It was done in such a compassionate way it didn't bother me at all.

I would try at least get on the waiting list for another, ask around for recommendations. There's no excuse for not giving a police hello and goodbye to a patient at the front desk. And a poor manner from the dentist also means you'll feel less able to raise concerns, challenge treatment decisions etc.

Not just accepting being treat like shit and like they're doing you a favour

I was treated badly by medical professionals a couple of years ago so I don’t engage with them now

You are being unreasonable for putting up with it. Change.

This is unfortunately what can happen and it's not right you deserve health care just like anyone else.

I used to live on the outskirts of London and found all the doctor and dentist receptionists around there to be always really abrupt and cold and was quite used to it. Moved further up North and was struck at the difference when I called the doctors and the lady was so lovely! I know they don’t owe you anything but just a warm tone or smile does make the world of difference when you’re feeling anxious or flustered!

The (NHS) dentists are really lovely with my children too, still quick and professional but they have really good ways with them in the chair (fun sunglasses for them to wear etc) and the receptionists always give them a sticker afterwards.

That’s my first ‘Wow. Just wow.’ I have arrived.
My ‘dig’ was not random. It was aimed at you. Chat forums, eh?
Also, I didn’t say you shouldn’t have children. I said I hoped you didn’t have them already because of your seeming inability to understand why it might be desirable for a dentist to be pleasant towards them.

Feelings are facts. Find a more friendly dentist

This place sounds awful. I would never go back.

I can completely relate to this i live up north but have to go to London to see my specialist and he's alright but the receptionists, nurses etc are so blunt it's such a different experience to being in my local hospital

I should get your money back from the charm school if I were you 🤣

You extrapolated a lot from one comment about dentists not exchanging pleasantries with children. Are you okay?

We left our old dentist because of the attitude of the receptionist and the attitude of the dentist. We (DH, me and DS) are much happier and both the receptionists and our dentists are lovely. It just took a change. The best thing to do is try somewhere else (especially as you are private) and see if it’s better or not.

For the third time in two days I have seen someone write the condescending, passive-aggressive remark "Are you okay?" at the end of their post.

Is there any need?🙄

As opposed to an eye roll and ‘is there any need’?

The poster had a pop at me so I assumed she was struggling with something.

OP - can you judge how well and how skilled the dentist is. Can they deal well with your teeth and are they skilled? (Lots of rubbish dentists around that make a mess of peoples teeth and drill too deep / too many bad fillings etc)

My first dentist was very ASD and very rude (even to his staff) I took it with a pinch of salt as his dentistry work was exceptional. His personal skills zero. My eyes used to pop out after coming out of his room. However, he did traumatise one of my children by “sit down let me drill your teeth out 😬” joke but really not an acceptable joke for an anxious child. Now that child is very scared of the dentist still gaining courage to go.

The Second Lady one was rubbish by comparison with skills however very factual I’d say still asd. However, she didn’t have the dentistry skills to match made a huge mess at one of my teeth. Hence, I’m going to find a new dentist.

I think they are not doctors or therapists. They say it how it is. Very black and white. However, if they can fix your teeth well and you trust the dentist I’d leave it at that. I’d tolerate someone being grumpy but able to do a good job on your teeth.

Not how it should be but it seems what it is by us.