Page 4 | Is my dentist rude?

noMoreAnxiously2125 · 2026-04-09T16:14:02+00:00

I always come back from dentist feeling down and I know most people would just shrug and say oh well but I feel things so deeply - possibly ND. From the moment we walk in I feel a horrible atmosphere and a very heavy environment if that makes sense? The receptionists I greet very friendly with “hello how are you? We are here for XYZ” but I’m met with blank stares! The dentist is no better again no pleasantries with the kids and just basically get in and out quickly type of guy. I’m private btw with them and my kids are nhs not sure why I’m including that but just for context as they make me feel they are going very out of their way to even see us. I’m conflicted whether to find another but kids have been going there since they were 6 months old and I don’t know if I can be bothered to find another one. As I was leaving today I said bye to receptionist who looked up and muttered something to the other receptionist and they laughed. I was in 2 minds whether to go back and ask what’s wrong but I don’t have the guts to do that! im downplaying how upset I feel btw as I feel I’m going to get judged but I do feel really upset, I hate feeling like this especially around my kids. Surely they will see as they grow older how I’m treated and might make them feel embarrassed?

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 09/04/2026 19:51

My dental hygienist was rude to me. I’m quite a nervous patient, so I’d expect them to be a bit sympathetic. She was pretty harsh and not friendly at all. I finished my treatment with her, but won’t be going back as I’m private too.
Was the dentist unfriendly to you as your dc were NHS? Or to you too having private treatment?

User086758 · 09/04/2026 19:51

OP, DH is a dentist and what people don't realise is that dental clinics are very complex businesses to run. The sheer number of patients means that they're usually too squeezed for time to exchange small talk or attempt to be pleasant to everything. The goal is to get patients in and out of chairs, provide good medical treatment and stay on top of the time schedule so nobody has to wait too long.

The biggest problem when running a dental clinic are patients who take up a lot of time but require almost no profitable treatment. It's the equivalent of going into a restaurant, ordering a tiny coffee and occupying a table for hours. These are usually children, fearful patients and overly talkative patients. Children have the lowest profit margins since they have fairly good dental health and the most you can do is a filling or extraction. And children also tend to be the hardest to treat since they often refuse to open their mouth or starting crying and make a huge scene. So many dentists act distant to mums and kids because they don't want to get recommended to other parents and have even more children come to their practice. It's really not meant as a personal insult but simply a business decision that's well known in dentistry circles.

This is why there are specialist dentists for children because they know there's a gap in the market. Most dentists don't want kids, so opening a pediatric clinic is also a business decision. And of course, people are different so there will always be a small number of dentists (usually female and mums themselves) who genuinely enjoy working with kids.

The other harsh truth is that the best service usually goes to patients who are paying for four-five figure treatments like implants, bridges, crowns, veneers etc. If someone is getting a filling on the NHS then the dentist will rarely go out of their way to be friendly and chatty because it doesn't bring them anything. It only results in holding up the line for other patients. However if they have a patient who is clearly interested in a big private treatment, then the dentist will be nice. It's just how the industry works. Most clinics do not make a great deal of money from NHS services and need private work to stay afloat.

It's comparable to walking into a luxury store. A shopper who only intends to buy the cheapest perfume in Louis Vuitton is obviously going to receive less attentive service compared to the billionaire's wife without a budget looking for their priciest handbags.

EwwPeople · 09/04/2026 20:03

User086758 · 09/04/2026 19:51

OP, DH is a dentist and what people don't realise is that dental clinics are very complex businesses to run. The sheer number of patients means that they're usually too squeezed for time to exchange small talk or attempt to be pleasant to everything. The goal is to get patients in and out of chairs, provide good medical treatment and stay on top of the time schedule so nobody has to wait too long.

The biggest problem when running a dental clinic are patients who take up a lot of time but require almost no profitable treatment. It's the equivalent of going into a restaurant, ordering a tiny coffee and occupying a table for hours. These are usually children, fearful patients and overly talkative patients. Children have the lowest profit margins since they have fairly good dental health and the most you can do is a filling or extraction. And children also tend to be the hardest to treat since they often refuse to open their mouth or starting crying and make a huge scene. So many dentists act distant to mums and kids because they don't want to get recommended to other parents and have even more children come to their practice. It's really not meant as a personal insult but simply a business decision that's well known in dentistry circles.

This is why there are specialist dentists for children because they know there's a gap in the market. Most dentists don't want kids, so opening a pediatric clinic is also a business decision. And of course, people are different so there will always be a small number of dentists (usually female and mums themselves) who genuinely enjoy working with kids.

The other harsh truth is that the best service usually goes to patients who are paying for four-five figure treatments like implants, bridges, crowns, veneers etc. If someone is getting a filling on the NHS then the dentist will rarely go out of their way to be friendly and chatty because it doesn't bring them anything. It only results in holding up the line for other patients. However if they have a patient who is clearly interested in a big private treatment, then the dentist will be nice. It's just how the industry works. Most clinics do not make a great deal of money from NHS services and need private work to stay afloat.

It's comparable to walking into a luxury store. A shopper who only intends to buy the cheapest perfume in Louis Vuitton is obviously going to receive less attentive service compared to the billionaire's wife without a budget looking for their priciest handbags.

This is not the justification that you think it is.

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 09/04/2026 20:09

One (wo)man's friendly greeting is another (wo)man's faux over performance...

Personally I hate these "How are you today?" greetings from people I don't know from Adam. Given the difficulty in finding dentists I'd rather efficiency over friendliness any day.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/04/2026 20:16

User086758 · 09/04/2026 19:51

OP, DH is a dentist and what people don't realise is that dental clinics are very complex businesses to run. The sheer number of patients means that they're usually too squeezed for time to exchange small talk or attempt to be pleasant to everything. The goal is to get patients in and out of chairs, provide good medical treatment and stay on top of the time schedule so nobody has to wait too long.

The biggest problem when running a dental clinic are patients who take up a lot of time but require almost no profitable treatment. It's the equivalent of going into a restaurant, ordering a tiny coffee and occupying a table for hours. These are usually children, fearful patients and overly talkative patients. Children have the lowest profit margins since they have fairly good dental health and the most you can do is a filling or extraction. And children also tend to be the hardest to treat since they often refuse to open their mouth or starting crying and make a huge scene. So many dentists act distant to mums and kids because they don't want to get recommended to other parents and have even more children come to their practice. It's really not meant as a personal insult but simply a business decision that's well known in dentistry circles.

This is why there are specialist dentists for children because they know there's a gap in the market. Most dentists don't want kids, so opening a pediatric clinic is also a business decision. And of course, people are different so there will always be a small number of dentists (usually female and mums themselves) who genuinely enjoy working with kids.

The other harsh truth is that the best service usually goes to patients who are paying for four-five figure treatments like implants, bridges, crowns, veneers etc. If someone is getting a filling on the NHS then the dentist will rarely go out of their way to be friendly and chatty because it doesn't bring them anything. It only results in holding up the line for other patients. However if they have a patient who is clearly interested in a big private treatment, then the dentist will be nice. It's just how the industry works. Most clinics do not make a great deal of money from NHS services and need private work to stay afloat.

It's comparable to walking into a luxury store. A shopper who only intends to buy the cheapest perfume in Louis Vuitton is obviously going to receive less attentive service compared to the billionaire's wife without a budget looking for their priciest handbags.

Respectfully, if I go into Ferragamo for a trinket and get sh1t service, I'm not gping to buy a pair of shoes and a handbag. Ditto my dentist, mostly a checkup and XRay, and the fact that he is nice meant I didn't hesitate to have him do a root canal and crown. Similarly, the children's cosmetic work.

We were registered with an unfriendly practice in about 2002. I moved on. I don't give my money to unfriendly dentisys with unhelpful receptionists and brusque hygienists.

@noMoreAnxiously2125 just change dentist.

User086758 · 09/04/2026 20:40

EwwPeople · 09/04/2026 20:03

This is not the justification that you think it is.

Show quote history

I'm not trying to win sympathy points, simply explaining how it works behind the scenes. Dental clinics are businesses and can vary hugely in the way they are run. Just like shops or restaurants, some make a lot of money and some make less. Overall, the goal is to maximise profit and this is only possible by prioritising more expensive treatments.

Not sure why so many MN users are getting in a huff when they're finding out that dentists big surprise actually prefer patients who are easy to treat and can pay more money. Almost everything you experience is transactional. Even clinics where you think the staff are fantastic and friendly, they are mostly likely following scripts learned at training seminars so that appointments run on time and patients will return. Or the clinic was bought by by private equity firms and they are implementing their own customer strategies.

Dentists see 40-60 patients a day and most end up with compassion fatigue. They might be friendly if you catch them on a good day, or the same person could be grumpy if they're having a bad day. Generally speaking, most end up cultivating a "persona" that they use when working and they detach from it when they clock out of work. They can't afford to dwell on every patient interaction and people please to make sure they were seen as lovely by every person.

Funnywonder · 09/04/2026 20:41

The goal is to get patients in and out of chairs, provide good medical treatment and stay on top of the time schedule so nobody has to wait too long.

Is there any reason why this can’t be done in a pleasant manner? They don’t need to ask about the patient’s mum’s budgie, just ask the relevant questions or issue instructions politely rather than abruptly. That doesn’t take any extra time.

User086758 · 09/04/2026 20:50

Funnywonder · 09/04/2026 20:41

The goal is to get patients in and out of chairs, provide good medical treatment and stay on top of the time schedule so nobody has to wait too long.

Is there any reason why this can’t be done in a pleasant manner? They don’t need to ask about the patient’s mum’s budgie, just ask the relevant questions or issue instructions politely rather than abruptly. That doesn’t take any extra time.

Most do try, but it's virtually impossible to ensure every single interaction with every patient is positive. They also have good and bad days like everyone else. The other sad problem is that many patients, usually elderly, are lonely and want to talk. Going to the dentist is probably their only human interaction of the day. It's a tricky challenge to balance friendly banter with a professional distance in order to keep the flow of patients going smoothly. There are multiple patients every day who will happily stay in the chair and chat for 30-60mins if given the chance but unfortunately that's not the role of a clinic. Some dentists can handle this well, others just don't care after a while and prefer putting up a brusque persona to make it easier to detach from conversation.

JLou08 · 09/04/2026 20:52

Find another dentist. They're not all like this. They don't deserve your money when they can't even bother with basic customer service skills.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/04/2026 20:54

User086758 · 09/04/2026 20:40

I'm not trying to win sympathy points, simply explaining how it works behind the scenes. Dental clinics are businesses and can vary hugely in the way they are run. Just like shops or restaurants, some make a lot of money and some make less. Overall, the goal is to maximise profit and this is only possible by prioritising more expensive treatments.

Not sure why so many MN users are getting in a huff when they're finding out that dentists big surprise actually prefer patients who are easy to treat and can pay more money. Almost everything you experience is transactional. Even clinics where you think the staff are fantastic and friendly, they are mostly likely following scripts learned at training seminars so that appointments run on time and patients will return. Or the clinic was bought by by private equity firms and they are implementing their own customer strategies.

Dentists see 40-60 patients a day and most end up with compassion fatigue. They might be friendly if you catch them on a good day, or the same person could be grumpy if they're having a bad day. Generally speaking, most end up cultivating a "persona" that they use when working and they detach from it when they clock out of work. They can't afford to dwell on every patient interaction and people please to make sure they were seen as lovely by every person.

Show quote history

Most successful businsses are successful because they treat their customers effectively, efficiently AND nicely.

DH and I joke that our dentist prints fifties between patients - doesn't stop him being personable and we wouldn't keep returning if he wasn't. Ditto hairdresser, gynaecologist, chiropodist, solicitor, accountant, etc.

Nearly50omg · 09/04/2026 21:05

Vote with your feet!! 🦶 it’s utter rubbish that all dentists in London are like this as another poster said! Has she tried every single dentist in London?!?! Maybe it’s actually her that’s the problem has she even considered that?!!

find a new dentist and then write a letter to current dentist explaining why you are leaving and say that their rudeness and the general rude attitude of the receptionists is the reason you changed dentists. Unless they are given honest feedback they can’t learn!

Funnywonder · 09/04/2026 21:11

User086758 · 09/04/2026 20:50

Most do try, but it's virtually impossible to ensure every single interaction with every patient is positive. They also have good and bad days like everyone else. The other sad problem is that many patients, usually elderly, are lonely and want to talk. Going to the dentist is probably their only human interaction of the day. It's a tricky challenge to balance friendly banter with a professional distance in order to keep the flow of patients going smoothly. There are multiple patients every day who will happily stay in the chair and chat for 30-60mins if given the chance but unfortunately that's not the role of a clinic. Some dentists can handle this well, others just don't care after a while and prefer putting up a brusque persona to make it easier to detach from conversation.

Show quote history

Do dentists have a special dispensation to be curmudgeonly because their jobs are VERY IMPORTANT? You wouldn’t get away with it in any other customer facing professions. I appreciate that it’s hard to always be ‘up’, but the OP has said her experience is the same every time she’s there. And the reception staff are the same. So it sounds like a practice wide problem. Possibly badly managed, with low staff morale. I agree with pp’s that the OP should vote with her feet, but she shouldn’t have to. There are lots of reasons why someone might leave a dental practice - change of address, poor quality of treatment, can’t afford it - but it should be a source of deep embarrassment if a patient leaves because they were made to feel like an inconvenience.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 22:25

Funnywonder · 09/04/2026 21:11

Do dentists have a special dispensation to be curmudgeonly because their jobs are VERY IMPORTANT? You wouldn’t get away with it in any other customer facing professions. I appreciate that it’s hard to always be ‘up’, but the OP has said her experience is the same every time she’s there. And the reception staff are the same. So it sounds like a practice wide problem. Possibly badly managed, with low staff morale. I agree with pp’s that the OP should vote with her feet, but she shouldn’t have to. There are lots of reasons why someone might leave a dental practice - change of address, poor quality of treatment, can’t afford it - but it should be a source of deep embarrassment if a patient leaves because they were made to feel like an inconvenience.

Show quote history

We have one side of this.

NovemberMorn · 10/04/2026 10:54

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 19:40

As opposed to an eye roll and ‘is there any need’?

The poster had a pop at me so I assumed she was struggling with something.

Show quote history

Adding, 'Are you okay?' on the end of a post, in the way you did, is obviously a pop at her, not a question of concern.
Please don't try to pretend otherwise.

tripleginandtonic · 10/04/2026 10:56

London's like that, I wouldn't take it personally OP.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 10:58

NovemberMorn · 10/04/2026 10:54

Adding, 'Are you okay?' on the end of a post, in the way you did, is obviously a pop at her, not a question of concern.
Please don't try to pretend otherwise.

Show quote history

I’m not pretending anything. I’m saying that your eye rolling is just as passive aggressive as you perceive my comment to be.

NovemberMorn · 10/04/2026 11:09

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 10:58

I’m not pretending anything. I’m saying that your eye rolling is just as passive aggressive as you perceive my comment to be.

Show quote history

My post was direct, and the eye roll fitted in with the tone of it.

Yours was snippy, adding a faux caring 'Are you Okay?' at the end of it is disingenuous.

But you know that...so no more to be said.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 11:12

Yet you still say it….

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 10/04/2026 11:18

Yes my dentist is an arse. And his assistant even more so. Dentist tries to give me the lecture about sugar, he’s talking about my 17 year old. Refuses to tell him directly. I mean he’s 17 he chooses what he consumes and he’s not with me a lot of time no point talking to me. His assistant looks at me like I’m a piece of shit. I’m only there as they don’t allow them in on their own at that age, I will never understand though why they can’t talk to him directly.

NovemberMorn · 10/04/2026 12:16

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 10/04/2026 11:18

Yes my dentist is an arse. And his assistant even more so. Dentist tries to give me the lecture about sugar, he’s talking about my 17 year old. Refuses to tell him directly. I mean he’s 17 he chooses what he consumes and he’s not with me a lot of time no point talking to me. His assistant looks at me like I’m a piece of shit. I’m only there as they don’t allow them in on their own at that age, I will never understand though why they can’t talk to him directly.

The age of consent at which a dentist may treat a patient alone is 16 in the UK, so has he given a reason why he is speaking to you and not your son?

He, and his assistant sound awful.

RosesAndHellebores · 10/04/2026 13:01

To be fair, I have called out the rucky hygienists who are uber critical about my flossing. At least say it nicely when I'm handing over £75.

Goblinkingsqueen · 11/04/2026 15:46

I used to work in dentistry, and my experience of dentists is they are all rude, miserable fuckers without exception (OK, maybe one I met in the 10 years I worked in the field wasn't). A lot of them were so mentally messed up that it affected colleagues.

Your dentist's outlook and attitude could well have rubbed off onto other staff, which might explain the receptionists' demeanors, although I am absolutely not condoning them and they should know how to treat their patients, but attitudes do tend to come from the top down.

I'd try elsewhere if they are so bad it's upsetting you.

Sunshineandoranges · 11/04/2026 15:53

Defnitely change practce. I live in London and my dentist and the reception staff are lovely. I have had some not very pleasant ones in the past. You need to fnd a knd and skilful dentist

MNLurker1345 · 11/04/2026 16:00

Many, many years ago I worked as a dental nurse. I used to say that no one actually wants to make a career out of looking into peoples often unpleasant mouths. It’s a job, not a vocation.

I left my NHS dentist recently because attending appointments was so depressing, seeing terrified, looking patients in the waiting room looking as if they were about to enter a torture chamber (I suppose they feel that they are).

Now, I attend a private dentist, who is quite eccentric, who makes me laugh and is always up for a good chat.

OP, leave, find another dentist. There are alternatives.

easterholsfinally · 11/04/2026 18:43

Sunshineandoranges · 11/04/2026 15:53

Defnitely change practce. I live in London and my dentist and the reception staff are lovely. I have had some not very pleasant ones in the past. You need to fnd a knd and skilful dentist

If it’s SW London please let me know your dentist! I need a well skilled dentist who is good at their job (my teeth break / fillings all the time I’m sure it’s my kids that sucked the calcium out of mine 🤣 ) Thank you