Is my dentist rude?

[noMoreAnxiously2125]

I always come back from dentist feeling down and I know most people would just shrug and say oh well but I feel things so deeply - possibly ND.

From the moment we walk in I feel a horrible atmosphere and a very heavy environment if that makes sense? The receptionists I greet very friendly with “hello how are you? We are here for XYZ” but I’m met with blank stares!

The dentist is no better again no pleasantries with the kids and just basically get in and out quickly type of guy. I’m private btw with them and my kids are nhs not sure why I’m including that but just for context as they make me feel they are going very out of their way to even see us.

I’m conflicted whether to find another but kids have been going there since they were 6 months old and I don’t know if I can be bothered to find another one. As I was leaving today I said bye to receptionist who looked up and muttered something to the other receptionist and they laughed. I was in 2 minds whether to go back and ask what’s wrong but I don’t have the guts to do that!

im downplaying how upset I feel btw as I feel I’m going to get judged but I do feel really upset, I hate feeling like this especially around my kids. Surely they will see as they grow older how I’m treated and might make them feel embarrassed?

The reception staff at my dentist's are a lot like you describe - no acknowledgement of people walking in, every person that goes to the desk is clearly cutting in to their admin time etc. But my dentist is really lovely and friendly, which is why I'm happy to travel to be seen by her rather than go somewhere more convenient.

And maybe he’s not good with children. I don’t think it’s compulsory.

What a stupid and pointless response.

Op I find at my dentist's the assistants are really unfriendly and don't say hello the receptionists can be the same too but my dentist is friendly and good with the kids we've been going for years though. They sound rude and unprofessional I'd look for another dentist to be honest but give them some feedback or complain before you leave.

I would not go back to a dentist (or anyone) if they made me feel uncomfortable, and the two receptionists obviously did that when you bade them goodbye.

It's just as quick, easy and efficient to treat someone with politeness as it is rudeness. If you feel that receptionists and dentists are rude, especially as you are paying privately, my advice would be to change.

My dentist is lovely and stayed with her when she went private as my kids adore her.
Id shop around op.

Basic politeness is important in any role. Esp in healthcare. I know as I have worked in the nhs for 30 years and have high expectations of myself and colleagues to be polite and approachable and respectful, whatever kind of day we are having.

Your comment is rude and unnecessarily snide in tone to someone who is struggling. What’s wrong with people.

Thank you everyone. I just feel it’s no need to make people feel uncomfortable for no reason. I’m greeting them so nicely but to be met with blank stares and ignoring a hello is just not on. I am looking for another dentist. Any recommendations where to start looking?

My experience of dental practices are that they are quite poor at communication.
They can go from being a bit offhand to ever so slightly patronising.

I have had policies introduced in retrospect, and lacking in detail.
They will live in a rather small world. So unlikely to recognise the need for nor invest in having really good social skills.

The Government is reviewing charges for private dental treatment as they have become concerned at the sheer extortionate rate of increases.
So no, they will not be smiling so much.

YANBU. Its worth bothering to change your dentist if it's making you miserable, I feel exactly the same about my Drs, I've even seen a post on Reddit, asking for recommendations for other GP practices in the area because it's so bad. I used to get my prescription there but I was just ignored, no-one waiting at the pharmacy but 3 staff far too busy to even acknowledge me, I remained pleasant but it was hard work trying to understand why I was invisible, changed to supermarket pharmacy and use the app to reorder a tablet, I know I'll need to change soon, as I'm getting messages for a med check. I'm reluctant but it's got to be done, hope you get round to changing.

It wasn’t great and sure, the receptionists seem to be rude by your description but it hardly matters in the grand scheme of things does it? Hate to say it because it’s a bit ‘have some gruel and be grateful!’ but nhs dentists are rarer than hens teeth right now, I certainly wouldn’t be looking to pull my kids away on the basis of them not having a cosy chat with the dentist.

eta well unless you can easily afford private dentistry for your kids, in which case, go for it!

I would find another dentist if I was treated like that, private or not. But private is even worse because they have time to interact with patients. At an NHS surgery there's a lot of pressure on staff to get through patients, and the staff must sometimes feel that, but hello and goodbye take no extra time and neither does a smile.
Everyone at my dentist surgery is lovely. They certainly aren't holding private conversations over my head. That's just rude!

If you have friends and family local ask where they go. Or ask on local Facebook group but obviously don't say why on Facebook

Maybe he doesn't like his job! Not nice for you though.

I've never had an experience like that at a dental surgery, whether private or NHS. I was in London for 20+ years (NHS dentist) and am now in another part of the SE (NHS till recently but now private). My dentist is very pleasant as are the receptionists.

As a private patient it shouldn't be hard to change practice. See if a friend or neighbour can recommend one.

Because it takes aaaaages to reply with a cheerful hello ☺️

And actually it’s quite important that a dentist makes kids feel at ease early on as this can help hugely if and when they need treatment more serious than a quick check up later.

These are highly trained professionals I’m sure they can cope with a little small talk in an appointment

You don't specify what they did wrong. Other than possibly not have a very friendly tone. And maybe you felt rushed? Did the dentist do what was required to whoever's teeth they were treating?

Obviously if you don't like their manner you should move. I certainly wouldn't want a grumpy dentist. But if they were professional in their actions I might just put it down to them having a bad day.

I don't understand how 44% of people think yabu are we that brainwashed in this country that health care professionals are so busy that they can just treat everyone like shit and we should just accept it and bow down to their greatness

If it makes you feel any better, I found a different hygienist because the one I went to was frosty and brusque to the point where I felt just awful. I am super-polite, respectful and co-operative, and every time, left feeling like I’d been something the hygienist had trodden in.
It’s a very vulnerable thing to lie on your back and have a stranger fossick about in your mouth. It’s absolutely logical for that sense of vulnerability to be heightened when the fossicker seems miffed to be doing it.

It’s not that hard to be kind and welcoming to people, and I would argue this is an essential part of the role of a dentist and dentist support team. I say this as someone who works in a role entirely centred on dealing kindly with people.

If someone in this personal care type of role is being low-key mean to you, and there are enough other providers, it is a complete no-brainer to me to find one that is nice to you instead! So YANBU, OP.

My dentist is the opposite the receptionist always greet you and ask how you are. The dental nurses are always friendly and put you at ease and the dentist is the same nothing is a bother and always made welcome.
Our practice if fully private not sure if that’s even relevant. As a nervous patient it does help and if I was treated like you describe @noMoreAnxiously2125 I would be swapping. Better practices will be available.

Good rapport and a decent therapeutic relationship between caregiver and patient can actually affect outcomes. It is not acceptable for anyone on the frontline to be rude and abrupt with a patient. Arguably more so for one who is polite, scared, has young kids etc. Nope.

You might get some good suggestions for other dental practices on your local social media groups - Next Door, FB town page, that sort of thing. What are their online reviews like & do you know any of their other patients? You can feed back to them if you are feeling brave!

I switched my dc dentist (from NHS to private) solely because of the unpleasant reception staff and dentists who couldn’t be bothered to build a rapport with the dc. I grew up being terrified of my dentist and I didn’t want history repeating itself.

I added DC to my Denplan private dental insurance for not much money at all. The difference in demeanour between the staff at the NHS practice and the private practice - literally 100m apart - was just so stark.

I’m happy to pay for good service and a pleasant environment.

I don’t think it all needs to be over pleasant. In all honesty do you care if the receptionist is have a good day?

Mine are rude but but they just get on with the job. Maybe because I’m happy with that type of communication.

My dentist is amazing though. Does always ask “how are you today” but doesn’t get into chatting. His demeanour is so welcoming though. And as someone who has had previous trauma from a dentist, he has really helped make me feel comfortable going again.

I don’t think there is a need for such over friendliness, they can still have manners.

I would surely find another dentist, OP. It's bad enough with the nerves of going, let alone the offhand attitude of the receptionist and dentist. It makes me realise how lucky I was to find a NHS dentist when I moved into a new area - and she's a really lovely person. There's nice ones out there...

My dentist is lovely.
One aspect they can all be a bit guilty of is ticking you off. When you are getting on in your years it doesn’t quite work !