Is DH being cheeky about money?

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We have recently sold our house and bought a new one, and have made a good profit from it. Should be concluding in the next couple of months. We agreed that we will use some towards the mortgage, some for small renovations, and a little left over towards next year's holiday. DH also said he will use some to pay off debts he has from when we first got together. These are debts related to buying a fancy car, expensive clothes, etc. nothing to do with bills or redundancy or anything like that. I feel it's a little unfair as I'm not planning on taking the same amount for myself, when I suggested it he said I was being unfair (perhaps I am!). I hate to post about money because it always sounds so petty but it does feel a bit unfair that I've always been careful with money and never buy much for myself whereas DH does. Also just to say, I would be more than happy to pool our money together and then this wouldn't matter as much but DH wants our finances mainly separate. Please tell me if I'm being horrible. I don't have a problem with him sorting his debt out but feel it's only fair I have the same amount to play with.

So he can help himself to some money but think it's unfair if you do the same??
Fuck that!!

If your finances are separate because he wants them to then YAabsolutelyNBU

If you had joint finances then I'd say it's fine.

The only way it will work is if you each take an equal amount for yourself.

I agree with you completely providing you both went equally into the house and paid equal bills etc. if he put down 75% of the deposit then paid all the bills due to maternity etc then I couldn’t get upset. But yes, if he wants to do this then you souls get the same as he’s already had the fun money and now wants it to be paid for out of a joint fund ( despite wanting separate finances).

you should both get the same fun money. He can use his for his debts.

I was going to say YABU because it'd clear a household debt easily... but the fact that HE wants finances seperate, I'd have an issue. If he's taking some personal money then you get the same amount for yourself!

What you do with that is your perogative.

This.

If he wants separate finances then it's his debt to pay off.

If he wants joint finances you should both have equal amount to spend how you want.

Personally I'd put it off your mortgage and both benefit from cheaper/shorter repayments and then he can hopefully clear HIS debt too.

DH wants our finances mainly separate

He cant eat his cake and have it

Yanbu

Of course you should get the same. He sounds like a selfish and controlling knob.

Thanks these comments are making me feel better. We do pay the same towards bills in terms of the percentage of our wage (I work part time to care for DD and avoid nursery fees while DH is full time, so he does pay a larger amount but it's the same proportion of both our wages). Only the amount needed to cover bills goes into a joint account then the rest is separate. We paid the same deposit towards the house and same on bills before DD.

He wants finances seperate so it's only fair you have the same amount. If you had joint finances then I wouldn't have got worked up about it but that's his own fault.

Ehhhh no. He got to enjoy his fancy car and clothes back then...now it's your turn for a treat. So what if his portion goes on his personal debt? That's his tough luck.
Definitely have the same amount. That is only fair.

Why does he want finances seperate? So he can have more money for himself?

Yeh I’m with everyone else, equal split! Like you said it’s also his debt from being bad with money and spending on “wants”. I’d be taking the same about each.

I think he likes to know what his money is being spent on and have a bit of a safety net. Fair enough. I like that I have some savings behind me but I would be totally fine with putting the bulk of our money together and keeping a couple hundred each month for ourselves.

I was about to say it’s family debt, even if it’s only in his name. But then I see he wants to keep finances separate so it’s HIS debt and should be paid for by him.
In that case why don’t you split the house profit 50/50 and then each pay in the same amount for the mortgage, renovations and holiday. That way if there’s any left over for his debts then you will also have some over

But presumably he has more money left over for himself each month... because he earns more than you? So he can use that to.clear up his debt.

How much debt is it if it's premarital?

if you pay proportionally, he has a lot more money just for himself, doesn't he? Only because you earn less while saving also his share of nursery fees.

Yes he does have more left than me each month, but it quickly goes due to car payments and expensive hobby... It's so hard to discuss these things with him because he thinks I'm being petty but I don't feel like we are a "family" in our approach to money at all.

If you put equal amounts into the house you should take equal amounts of the profit. If he wants to take some to clear debts that's fine. What you do with your equivalent amount is up to you. But you should definitely take out an equivalent amount.

Is this just coming out of his share of the money or also coming out of your share? If it's his share fair enough but bad he got into these problems.

He is taking the piss

He can't have it both ways. Separate money but family debt, fuck off! If that makes you petty I would say fine, I'll own that proudly!

He is taking the piss - you get the same to save/ spend as you wish he does not get to call the shots here!!

Simple, he wants it separate so once the profit is there and you put an amount away for doing up the house then each get 50/50 of the rest and he can pay off whatever he wants out of his share. He is the one wanting all separates so he should have no issue with this.

If he wants separate finances then he doesn’t get to take a chunk of your shared money without you doing the same.