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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is DH being cheeky about money?

79 replies

Theartiste · 08/04/2026 20:01

We have recently sold our house and bought a new one, and have made a good profit from it. Should be concluding in the next couple of months. We agreed that we will use some towards the mortgage, some for small renovations, and a little left over towards next year's holiday. DH also said he will use some to pay off debts he has from when we first got together. These are debts related to buying a fancy car, expensive clothes, etc. nothing to do with bills or redundancy or anything like that. I feel it's a little unfair as I'm not planning on taking the same amount for myself, when I suggested it he said I was being unfair (perhaps I am!). I hate to post about money because it always sounds so petty but it does feel a bit unfair that I've always been careful with money and never buy much for myself whereas DH does. Also just to say, I would be more than happy to pool our money together and then this wouldn't matter as much but DH wants our finances mainly separate. Please tell me if I'm being horrible. I don't have a problem with him sorting his debt out but feel it's only fair I have the same amount to play with.

OP posts:
Chatsbots · 05/05/2026 20:47

I'm probably a lot older than you and my female relatives and friends are just starting to talk about the hit their pensions took having DC.

You will need to look after yourself, by the sounds of it.

Gymnopedie · 05/05/2026 21:17

I think over the next couple of years I need to look at going back to work full time.

You obviously need to give this proposed new arrangement time to see how it works out. But I wouldn't get your hopes up. I suspect there will always be some reason why he can't keep his side of it. Over the next couple of years you might also need see a solicitor.

twoontheway · 05/05/2026 22:15

YANBU! Of course take the same amount in a savings pot for yourself if there is nothing specific you want now. Super selfish of him him object. Your pension is likely to be much smaller too I guess ?

SpaceRaccoon · 05/05/2026 22:19

It's you taking the financial hit to care for a child that is also his, so you should in no way be worse off than him.

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