AIBU for staying in my car when an angry driver confronted me?

[OverthinkerExtrodinaire]

If you were sat in your car in a carpark after finishing your shopping and looked up to see an angry man who was the owner of the car parked directly in front, pink in the face, shouting "your car is touching my car" and asking you to get out of the car. What would you do?

My first reaction was fear.

I knew I hadn't bumped his car because I know I parked up very carefully and I would have noticed if I had touched another car.

When I got back, I was then sat in the car for a minute or two replying to a text, with the car switched off, handbrake on, so it certainly didn't ever veer in to this man's car afterwards either.

I didn't feel there was any reason to get out as I knew there was absolutely no damage or any contact with his car but I recognise this would have been the polite thing to do. At worst, my car must have been very close to his. Which isn't an issue in this kind of carpark as we will both be backing out of our spaces.

The main reason I didn't get out though was because I felt scared. I was on my own and this man looked and sounded angry!

I shouted from inside the car that my car was NOT touching his, and I left. I felt a bit shaky afterwards.

I then wake up to a public post on Facebook group from this man's wife saying "to the lady who bumped into my husband's car in your BRAND NEW car and then weren't kind enough to check for any damage...then drove off swearing at us bla bla blah..." (I said "oh sod off" or something like that, to myself, under my breath, as I drove off...my windows were up... He was obviously good at lipreading....oops! It was very very mild swearing. The sort of thing I'd say if the kids were in the car even. I'm not proud of this but I was just worked up.

Also my car is nowhere near brand new. I feel like that was added for dramatic effect?

I'm not sure why this guy got his wife to post this. There was no damage to his car because no such impact took place. There was not even a speck of damage on my car either BECAUSE IT NEVER TOUCHED HIS!!

Its made me think though... Should I have got out? The only things that stopped me were mainly fear and feeling threatened by this man as a lone woman...and knowing for a fact that my car had not bumped in to his.

Now I'm thinking I handled this badly. And there is now a public post accusing me of bumping into someone's car and making it sound like I left shouting expletives.

I feel so ashamed and upset by it because I'm generally quite a gentle shy person and would never dream of driving off if I had damaged anything..

So AIBU for not leaving the car to check for damage when I feel threatened by a man? Especially in the context of knowing there will be no damage.

One bit of me would want to reply.
The logical bit of me would want to stay quiet.
I would be half tempted to involve the police incase he tries to claim you left the scene of an accident

As a nan K can fully understand why you were frightened by husband irrational behaviour.
I think you should go to your local police station and report it to protect yourself against that horrible man.

Yes that's exactly how I feel. Especially as the post is getting likes and replies.

I'm not sure he could claim that though because there was no accident. I can only think the front of my car was just very close and looked like it was touching his and he must be very precious about his car?

Not sure if there is CCTV covering this patch of carpark either, but it certainly wouldn't show me bashing in to his car or anything.

I'm still in two minds whether I did the right thing. In my mind I did the safest thing I felt at the time but with hindsight...I don't know? It was just tricky it being a man and me being alone I think.

Had you gone over your line at the end of your space? I’m confused about how you managed to get so close. I’d have got out to look. The fact is, you didn’t check so you don’t know if your car was touching his or not. You very well could have stopped just had your car touched his so you didn’t feel an impact. It wouldn’t have left damage, but as you didn’t get out to look and check at the time, then he can claim there was.

I'd be tempted to ask a friend to reply along the lines of
"Was your husband the man shouting at a lone woman in xx carpark to get out of her car? Even though her car wasn't actually touching yours? Would you get out of your car if you were alone and a man was shouting at you when you knew you had done nothing wrong? I know I'd be saying stronger than sod off if I felt that threatened. In fact I'd be contacting the police if a random stranger shouted at me."
Edited typo

I don’t tend to think that random men are going to punch me or something though, so I’d have just got out and had a look. If he escalated, I’d have gone back into the shop for help.
But this is mumsnet and there was a thread on here the other week about a man walking past a woman and opening his rucksack further down the path… and she had to come on here and say how image she felt and wondered what he was planning to do to her. Everyone piled on that he must have been very dangerous and her survival instinct saved her. So this is a mad place and everyone will tell you that you did the right thing.

IMO, your safety is the most important factor. A shouting, angry man is a threat and I wouldn’t advise anyone to get out of their car in that situation. He could’ve been physically aggressive.

If he’d approached you calmly, that’s different, you’d have felt safe getting out of your car to check for any damage.

I’m not on Facebook but if it’s possible to comment on their post anonymously, I’d be tempted to comment on his behavior and how frightened you were by him.

Sounds like you have had a sheltered driving life, there are many aggressive male drivers who feel entitled to take their aggression out on women and who will attack women. OP was right not to get out, I wouldn’t advise anwoman to ignore her instincts.

Examples of road rage and random acts of aggression are reported every day though, @Trusttheawesome. I also tend to assume that people will be reasonable, but this man was already angry so who knows what might have happened. If he’d been calmer, I imagine that the OP would’ve got out of her car.

i wouldn’t advise anyone, even my beefy husband, to get out of their car when they’re being yelled at.

@OverthinkerExtrodinaire you should be able to
comment anonymously on the post? I’d be saying something like 1) at no point did my car touch yours 2) I was sat in the car waiting to drive off 3) as a female alone facing an angry man no, I didn’t want to get out, I was intimidated 4) my car is not new 5) I apologise for saying ‘oh sod off’ under my breath but that’s far more restrained than your husband 6) why isn’t he posting this? But that would probably cause a ‘pitchfork style vigilante response’ as I’ve seen on many an occasion so probably best not to. I certainly wouldn’t respond if I couldn’t do so anonymously. The problem comes if someone who isn’t you decides to respond and of course the fact that people will choose a side without being witness to what happened!

How many random men attacked a random woman today over a car incident?

He was standing there, he could see the cars and he said that her was touching his. She didn’t check, she drove away and she is continuing to say that she didn’t hit his car. But she doesn’t know. It means he can say whatever he wants and she can’t defend against it because she didn’t look.

Something similar happened to me in a car park. I reversed out and felt a slight touch. Immediately stopped but then got confronted by an angry male. I got out. No damage to either car. He insisted on having my insurance details, which I gave. Thought it immensely weird but then a couple months later got a message from my insurers. He'd claimed off me for a total wright off!!. They hadn't even contacted me. I sent them photo's of his car and it was not even the same side as he claimed! My insurers did not want to know. Disgusting.

I think you should somehow report this to the police and get a reference number, perhaps by using the online reporting form. You said were threatened and scared by his aggressive behaviour, which is unacceptable. If there were no marks on your car and you were sure there was no impact, you should note this in the form too. The other driver could be setting you up to take the blame for another collision they've had/ fraudulent insuranca claim and this is them creating a narrative for it. I've experienced this and the only reason my insurance company and the police accepted my version of events later was because I had reported someone behaving like this towards me at the time and was able to give them details recorded at the time. There may be CCTV available at the car park now too if you contact the management company.

Was his car even there when you arrived?

This!

I would reply but you have to be a member of the group to see the posts and reply.

My brain has gone in to overthink mode. Would it be possible to drive in to a car and make actual contact with it in a carpark and not notice?

I know sometimes when I pull into my carpark space at work I have to pull right up to a plastic bollard because of how the space is I have to be virtually touching it or the back of my car is in the way of another car.

Sometimes I crawl at snails pace and do on occasion touch it ever so lightly and I can always feel when ive done that. Surely to have any meaningful contact likely to have caused damage to another car one would be aware of this?

I wish I had the guts to reply but think it's sensible not to. It just makes me annoyed they've posted a guilt trip post to garner sympathy and it's nothing like the actual truth.

I’d have got out to check, confirmed it wasn’t touching, and told him he was being a twat, then I’d have driven away. If cars are parked close together then I’m assuming it was daytime and quite busy, so I wouldn’t have felt threatened.

Yeah maybe I was just being a wimp! I feel ashamed of my behaviour but at the time it felt like the better option.

Oh my gosh that's terrible!!!
Worried now it may be something like that brewing. How do people claim when they have no proof?

Thanks for the advice. It's terrible that you can just be accused with no evidence!
We were kind of in the middle of a carpark so I think CCTV would not be great where we were. If it was on it would just show a guy stood at the front of his car mouthing words at my car I guess...
Also I'm not sure if his car was there when I arrived.

That’s why you get out and check, and take photos of your car parked and not touching his and showing no damage. So they can’t claim.

He doesn’t need proof. He can just call his insurance, give your license and say you hit it and drove off. Unfortunately.

He won’t, unless he has decided to go wreck his car on something. But always get out and take photos.

I would reply along the lines of "Thanks for posting, your husband knows fine well I never crashed into his car however, as he was terrifying me by acting so aggressively, I reported the incident to The Police, I was terrified he was going to attack me. As I was so scared, I didn't have time to note down your car registration but this post will hopefully help them to identify your DH. If anyone has CCTV or camera footage please message me so I can arrange to have the footage submitted as evidence. Your husband should be thoroughly ashamed of the way he terrified a lady on her own.

My brain has gone in to overthink mode. Would it be possible to drive in to a car and make actual contact with it in a carpark and not notice?

Yes, that is possible. I think it's bizarre, and really arrogant, you think you can't possibly have been touching his car when you hadn't looked. I get the not getting out of your car because of his threatening behaviour, but that doesn't mean he wasn't right about the cars touching.

The Insurance Companies are to blame and computers.
Insurers don't look too deep. They'll take the easy option. They don't look at evidence.

Seriously? Everyone did not pile on that thread suggesting the man was dangerous. Most people felt she was overreacting. Do you honestly think no one else remembers that thread?

The police wouldn't be interested in an "accident" on a private car park.