To hire a housekeeper?

[notaurewhatusername]

I’m returning to work four days a week after having my daughter (currently in nursery) and I have a pretty stressful job. I already have a cleaner but she doesn’t do things like ironing, changing beds, taking out bins or any cooking/meal prep.
I’d love to extend our domestic help to cover those gaps. My husband does help — he does a lot of the cooking, handles plenty of things around the house, and does the morning childcare runs. He’s not a useless dad at all! But his involvement tends to be in shorter stints, and at weekends he often needs to work, which means I end up covering the majority of childcare. He’s said I should just ask when I need help, but I find myself in that exhausting position of having to manage and delegate rather than things just being shared naturally.
He also has high standards for how things are done at home, and I’m finding it really hard to be great at everything — returning to a demanding job, being a present mum, keeping on top of the house.
When I suggest extra help, he feels it’s frivolous spending. What I find hard is that we invest quite a lot in other areas that he leads on, but household expenses tend to be the ones that get questioned. It feels connected to a wider conversation we keep having about division of labour.

I don’t want to make this a brag post about income — but at what point do people feel extra domestic help is genuinely justified? Of would I be better off just taking a half day each week while my daughter is in nursery to keep on top of things myself instead? I’m not able to push forward at work and I don’t want in years to come to feel like my career has suffered but DH is thriving (as I know happens a lot), it doesn’t feel fair so I’m trying to take control of the situation.

A housekeeper sounds like a great idea. You'd be able to keep your job with minimal stress to yourself.

There is no way that you can do everything that needs to be done to run a house in half a day a week. Even if you aren’t counting cleaning at all in that.

I would hire a housekeeper in a heartbeat if I could afford it. You can probably find someone who will do both roles, ie cleaner and housekeeper.

If you can afford it then it seems like a good idea.

@notaurewhatusername EVERYONE would have a housekeeper and cleaner if they could afford it. You can, and you are working fulltime with children so it's a nobrainer.

If you can afford it, do it. It’s the simplest way to deal with the whole division of labour stuff. If your husband grumbles, halve the housekeeper’s hours and get him to do those jobs.

I’m in this position and have a full time nanny/housekeeper. When the kids were little it was more nannying but now they are older one at secondary one late primary) it’s more taxiing and housekeeping. I did use nursery a bit too especially when the free hours kicked in. Absolute godsend and worth every penny as enables everything in the week and actually having time as a family - rather than cleaning and doing laundry - at the weekends.

If you want it and can afford it then do it.
You are giving someone a job. That's a good thing.

I sometimes play "fantasy housekeeper" where I imagine what days they would come, for how long and what I would ask them to do. I love it! 🤣

Yes just go for it. They'll probably get more done than you would. No point in taking time off to do chores if you can afford to pay somebody.

I have a cleaner/housekeeper- she cleans, organises, does laundry, irons, house sits, mows the lawn when the gardener hasn’t for whatever reason, does the bins, I’m pretty sure would cook if I asked, and will deal with tradesmen. Having a really supportive person behind you makes such a difference- we did interview a few before we found her but she’s been with us 5 years now and I hope she never retires!

A half day housekeeper sounds similar priced than a half day at nursery but I’d pick the housekeeper to spend time with my child
if money is tight another option is an au pair if you get a good one she might do more and food prep but if a bad one it’ll be another child for you to look after

It's job creation. It gives you more time with your child. Hire the housekeeper!

Also, OP, try and work on your "I need to ask people permission to do things" frame of mind. You want to do it? Do it!

I guess it's like having a wife!

What about cutting to half days at nursery to and hiring someone to work from say 11 to do an hour or so of housework and then collect DC and look after them for the afternoon and cook a family meal. Presumably DC still nap too so that time could also be used.
Most Nannies also happy to run errands while they are out and about with DC.

Have you heard of “who, not how?” It’s a book about delegation and aimed at businesses and managers. But it changed my view on outsourcing help, you’re paying for your own time back as much as the job itself. It would be well worth it!

we looked at getting a housekeeper a few months ago and really really struggled to find the right person as a cleaner / housekeeper. The house keepers didn’t want to clean, and the cleaners didn’t want to do the extra bits

We have a very part time one and I don’t have a “big job”. She does cleaning, sorts out fridge , puts away clothes, runs things to charity shop, rearranges cupboards and things. I love having her.

@Forrestyfor me, it’s more like having an involved mum really. She always looks for things that could do with doing, and is always there to help out with random stuff, which as we’ve never had any family help of the ‘I’ll pick you up from the garage when your car needs servicing’ or ‘I’ll pop in and let the dog out when you are out, no problem’ type of thing is invaluable

She does cleaning, sorts out fridge , puts away clothes, runs things to charity shop, rearranges cupboards and things.

OMG. I want her.

If I had the money, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at hiring a housekeeper.

My boss has a foreign language student (studies part time in the mornings) who comes to her house for 3 hours a day 4 days a week. In that 3 hours she will wash / dry / iron laundry, cook a family dinner, clean the kitchen and bathrooms, tidy up the playroom, takes in the grocery delivery and puts it all away, does any other odd-jobs that might need doing.

I always think if someone just made my dinner and tidied up a bit every working day for me... my life would be much simpler 😂

I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could have afforded it.

I often fantasised about it when my dc were small.

Well, hire whoever you want, obviously. Hire a wet nurse, an alchemist, a forester. It’s your call. But your husband gets to have ‘high standards for how things are done in the house’ when he contributes equally to them being done.

I mean, it was amazing to me when a friend of mine who ‘had to’ work every weekend when he was married suddenly stopped having to as soon as he asked for a divorce and moved out. When he was no longer hiding in the office from the horrors of laundry and grocery shopping and taking the children to swimming lessons, suddenly his weekend job commitments evaporated and his new bachelor pad became very appealing.

Why do women so often feel guilty about hireing domestic help?!

I’d cost it up and see how much you need to hire a housekeeper and if any are available in your area. How much do housekeepers get paid? If you have the money and it feels worth it, go for it!

We have a housekeeper for 5 hrs week over 2 days and shes amazing and worth every penny. Revolutionised my life really. She tidies/cleans/irons and puts away all the clothes. Will sort drawers/fridge, feed animals, whatever needs doing. I work full time and couldn't manage everything without her. So I say go for it!