To be ground down and exhausted by DS’s constant talking?

[Justsorelentless]

As ds (now age 5) gets older I am increasingly finding him so hard to manage. The worst thing is he isn’t a bad child or horrible or anything but he just exhausts me because he just never, ever stops talking.

It is constant jabbering from him. A lot of it is nonsensical, a lot of it is questions but then he doesn’t listen to the answer and just starts rambling about something else (a conversation at the dinner table goes like ‘mummy which country do we live … England … no no NO, mummy, we live in … live in England …’) if he decides he wants something or is interested he says the same thing over and over and over - I do acknowledge him and reply and show an interest but he just keeps saying it.

He also makes noises a lot, like ‘being’ an aeroplane or a fire engine so there will be these random whoops and shrieks. It makes me edgy and irritable.

I have tried asking for some quiet, it never works. He is quiet for about ten seconds and then starts up again.

He is better on his own, so I don’t know if it’s an attention thing (he has a two year old sibling.) It’s just so, so constant. It affects eating as he won’t stop talking at the table so food goes everywhere (yuck) and everyone else has finished.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a sense of a reciprocal conversation but it’s just … bollocks, which I know is harsh but true!

Does he do this at school? If he does, I’d ask the teacher how s/he is handling it. If he doesn’t,then you know he can sit quietly at times and I would start to get very firm with him. I’d start with the talking while eating as that needs to stop. Then I’d build from there.

It is all very well being firm with him but for it to have any effect at all I have to be really brutal and quite annoyed with him. He is talkative and I know he’s been separated from one of his friends but I think the jabbering bollocks is solely for home time!

What else is he doing whilst talking? Or rather, if he's doing something else such as crafts or something physical, does it talk less?
Could you get him to do activities that take up his focus and concentration to give yourself a break?

academically - is he meeting the expected levels?

I know how you feel, my 8 year does not stop talking sh*t from the minute she opens her eyes. It is exhausting, sometimes I just want a minute to be with my own thoughts.

Well you know someone is going to mention ND dont you.

As another poster said, its important this isnt happening at meal times as the risk of choking is higher if he is jabbering on and not concentrating, so I would focus on that first.

Sometimes @Noshadelamp , to be fair - he’s not bad at independent play (although this does tend to feature whoops and shrieks but fair enough I guess!) but I do get jabbered at relentlessly in the car, or when ‘watching’ a film (we went to see The Magic Faraway Tree last week and I swear he just wouldn’t. shut. UP) or at the dinner table.

Meeting expected levels - so so. He’s in reception so early days but he is behind on his reading which worries me.

I don’t think he’s ND. The main issue for me is I find it so irritating it sort of grinds me down so I have less patience and inclination to be nice about other stuff. I’m a lot kinder to my less irritating child, which I feel sad and guilty about.

I work with someone like your son….

Aw, this was my DS - and still is at 18! Definitely teach him no talking with his mouthful. But otherwise, try to view it as an opportunity to see what's going on in his mind. I had years while DS was growing up of hearing way more than I was interested in about whatever interested him at the time (gaming and rap have been two recurring themes). I did/do zone out quite a bit and just nod, "mm-hmm" and "oh, really?", but I've listened enough that I can interject relevant comments here and there and, bless him, he's often surprised I've listened.

DS probably has AuDHD (not diagnosed), but I'm also probably autistic, so not the best person to teach him conversation skills. He mainly treats conversation with me like a stream of consciousness.

Sorry, this is probably not much help. Basically, he's unlikely to change, so enjoy it whenever possible, if not, try to tolerate it, if not, try to survive it. He will appreciate it in the long term.

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas I wish it was a kind of ‘wow, how funny he sees the world like that!’ but for the most part it is just this stream of nonsense. And he demands your interaction by asking questions and then asking them again and again.

So eg

’whats the time mummy?’
’Nearly six o clock.’
’How do you know?’
’there’s a clock there!’
’I have my watch mummy … my, my, my watch, mummy I have a watch, mummy I had -‘
’yes ds I know, it’s great isn’t it?’
’yeah yeah and I … I … I … my watch. What time is it now?’
’six o clock,’
’is it STILL six o clock? My watch says …’

arrgggghh

He's probably exhausted with trying to stay quiet at school, so can let go and be himself at home. It could be an ASD trait, but I'm no way an expert. I just have a child who was finally diagnosed AuDHD at 15 and I wish we'd sought more info/ help sooner.

I would be brutal with the food situation. Spraying food everywhere through talking is completely unacceptable and as PP said, it increases the risk of choking. I'd make a 'no noise' symbol and put it in front of him while he eats. If he starts making noise or talking, take the food away until he is quiet again.

He just carries on, and on, and on.

Literally the only thing that works is when you get so fed up of it that you end up snapping at him which is horrible. I’ve really not enjoyed him this holiday at all, which feels pretty rotten. I just feel all irritated and annoyed all the time. I get at this age he isn’t going to have empathy and understanding, I really do get that. But having him with me 24/7 jabbering nonsense is making me really edgy and cross.

Well yeah, of course it's tedious and dull. I mentioned videogames and rap because I can't remember anything memorable DS talked about before he was about 10! And even then, I have no interest in his interests (although I did question him as a teen about why he liked them and that was interesting - plus the only way to get him to listen to my side of the conversation!!).

Are you getting enough time to yourself? Is it feeling particularly difficult at the moment because it's school holidays?

I have 3 yappers. I recommend audio books with headphones for them, and disassociation for you.

I’m sorry to be the one (or one of the ones) to mention ADHD, but my first thought was my DS who has ADHD and never stops talking! And then when he’s with his Dad he never stops phoning (he’s 12)!

Obviously could be nothing to do with ND but it is a very common think in those who do have ADHD.

I think as they get older you can explain to them that you sometimes need peace and quiet, but it’s important that you frame
it as a you/ other people thing and not a “you’re so awful, you never stop talking, verbal diarrhoea” etc way. Kids with ADHD do get a lot of negative messages and it’s important not to reinforce this as it’s terrible for their self esteem.

Something more like “I’m someone who needs silences, some other people are like that, it’s just what a lot of people need” is better.

Edit - oh and often the reason certain parents can’t stand it is being ND ourselves and needing to be able to zone out! So it’s a perfect storm 😂

My DS is a chatterbox but doesn't ask the same thing over and over again within seconds. He's more likely to bring up random concepts like "What should you do if you come across a beehive? Would they sting you? Would you go to heaven? What if it was a million beehives?..."

I know someone said "someone will mention ND" but my cousin's little boy is being assessed for ASD age 7 and does a lot of this round and round repetition of questions or statements within a few sentences, with the stutter on I/my.

This holiday has been hard work. But they all are 😩 and I feel bad because I should enjoy being with him but am generally a bit grouchy and fed up because his annoying traits grate so much.

With my DS I also get him asking for really granular detailed answers on topics that I just don’t know that much about! And not being satisfied with “I don’t know” - he’ll just ask the question another way. I end up saying “that is all the information I have on that topic!”

And directing him towards Google! I am not Google!

Go to the cinema together?

Things that helped me:

Get outside - it always seems easier outside
Do something you enjoy - I liked children's books and Lego, so we did lots of both
Invite one of his friends over to play
Invite one of your friends over to have some conversation with and break up the tedium

So I think it is important to mention neurodiversity, because you know, he might be!

Otherwise, sympathies OP.

DD1 (11yo) is clever, pretty, sociable, active, well-rounded.... but oh, my God, the yakking!!

We constantly joke about it "it's 6pm, Mummy has switched off for the evening now" etc but yes it is wearing.

I took her to see Wicked 2 a couple of months back, and she literally started talking as I backed the car out of the drive, through our town, to a nearby city, whilst I parked, whilst we walked through the city to the cinema..
O
I think it was 40 mins straight!

My general approach is to try and understand that she needs to talk, and indulge it for some time, but then say very clearly and nicely

"DD1. You have been talking for quite a bit! It was nice to hear about <whatever> but now Mummy wants to read my book / have a bath. I want to be quiet now. Are you okay to find something else to do now please?"

But she is 11 and it is a ways to get there from 5!

My DS is 10 and never shuts up! I blank
some of it out if he starts talking about games on the Xbox. I am chatty but not that bad

Solidarity. My 4.5 year old is exactly the same. Yap yap yap and really isnt interested in a conversation, just wants you to listen and give him attention morning noon and night. Weve tried asking for quite time, telling him we cant answer questions when we are in the middle of a job, watching something ect , nothing works apart from snapping like you said and then you feel shit. I actually have to hide to eat my meals so that I can swallow without having to answer a question. We are beyond exhausted, he doesnt go to school until September and im dreading it because I dont think he will stay quite for anyone

My DS was like this. In a shop a lady once commented that he was like a radio. And he really was.
It was very wearing.
Things I insisted on
No talking while he had a mouthfull of food.
Sometimes I needed to concentrate so I would say ‘mummy needs to concentrate no talking until I say you can talk again’ then I would ignore him.
Also any silly questions I would just say ‘because it’s nice’ or try and push the question back onto him.
I really encouraged reading - he became a voracious reader. Keep him away from screens as much as possible and encourage the reading. Especially if he becomes interested in a particular topic. Mine liked those DK books with lots of facts.This company https://dk.com/pages/about-dk
Maybe go regularly to the local
library?
I personally think all this talking Is a sign of intelligence- their brains are so bursting with thoughts that they need to get out.
DC is how much less talkative but still very chatty when animated.
But it is very tiring