To be ground down and exhausted by DS’s constant talking?

[Justsorelentless]

As ds (now age 5) gets older I am increasingly finding him so hard to manage. The worst thing is he isn’t a bad child or horrible or anything but he just exhausts me because he just never, ever stops talking.

It is constant jabbering from him. A lot of it is nonsensical, a lot of it is questions but then he doesn’t listen to the answer and just starts rambling about something else (a conversation at the dinner table goes like ‘mummy which country do we live … England … no no NO, mummy, we live in … live in England …’) if he decides he wants something or is interested he says the same thing over and over and over - I do acknowledge him and reply and show an interest but he just keeps saying it.

He also makes noises a lot, like ‘being’ an aeroplane or a fire engine so there will be these random whoops and shrieks. It makes me edgy and irritable.

I have tried asking for some quiet, it never works. He is quiet for about ten seconds and then starts up again.

He is better on his own, so I don’t know if it’s an attention thing (he has a two year old sibling.) It’s just so, so constant. It affects eating as he won’t stop talking at the table so food goes everywhere (yuck) and everyone else has finished.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a sense of a reciprocal conversation but it’s just … bollocks, which I know is harsh but true!

My ds does this. His sibling has been diagnosed with ADHD and I assume he also has it. DH finds the talkativeness very challenging. The 30 minute school run walk can be full on monologue.

I tend to just up the stakes on silliness.and will equally witter away to him (yes I know. I probably need a diagnosis myself!) So "what country do we live in...England" would be met with "well only England if you believe we all live in the same dimension because actually in the jam dimension maybe we live in raspberryshire"

It’s not okay to let him talk through a film. One of my children couldn’t behave at the cinema so we went home and he wasn’t allowed back until he promised to be quiet all the way through. I’m a tough nut with my kids, I’ve worked in schools and seen the children with permissive parents ruin everything for everyone else. The well behaved children hate them.

Already read the negative comments about the armchair ND diagnosers. But. This is exactly like my AD2(10) who is diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I have learned over the years that AD2 has no interior life. In fact, she is mystified by the fact that other people have running narratives in their brains that they do not feel compelled to express verbally. Every single waking minute of every single day. If it’s in my AD’s brain, it needs to escape via her mouth. Also, at intolerable volume. I’m a massive introvert so I find the incessant verbal assaults hard to bear. Without wishing to cause any offence, I often reflect on how Anne Frank and the families in the attic managed to stay so quiet and undetected for so long. When I was a kid, we had lots of sponsored silences at primary school. My AD2 would never manage this.

Yes we don't allow talking at the cinema but we would definitely all be dead if we had to hide behind a wardrobe.

I really agree with this especially the intelligence.
My 5 year old is like this and very bright. Mind never switches off!

One of the things I find frustrating is that he will ask fairly intelligent questions (sometimes!) but then just talk over the answer.

The reason I don’t think itsADHD is because he (or possibly me) is / are OK without the input of DD. I really do think some of it is a need to have my attention. And then when he does it’s negative attention because I’m just overstimulated!

My 6yo is like this and we have just filled out the forms for ADHD and ASD assessment. Kids can just be chatty too though. For my kid I think it's because her thoughts come in thick and fast and she will forget them if they aren't blurted out.

As she gets older I:

• remind her of my needs ("mummy's brain needs quiet now")

• redirect her when she is just talking at me to entertain herself, I tell her to find something to do - I do this alongside quality time so she hopefully doesn't feel rejected

• gentle reminders about repetitive talk and questions. I felt mean doing this but I want to help her notice when she's doing this to hopefully stop her losing friends

• generally work to reduce her anxiety level as this seems to make it worse

Mercifully as she gets older she does seem to be maturing and the chatter is more interesting at least!

I wonder if my ds has adhd. If he has what's the medication and does it work

Could the noises be him stimming?

My (I expect AUDHD) son doesn’t stop talking either - in the car it in incessant and blows my mind. It’s hard but he can’t help it and it’s on his fixations. My sibling has AuDHD diagnosed and is the same.

Are there any activities he’s really interested in that keep him occupied and not talking that you can then have a moments peace?
Friends you can get out with so he’ll talk to them for a while (this is great for DS as they can jabber away)?

My son is like this and has been since the moment he learnt to babble as a baby. They would call him the chatterbox at all the baby classes. And it’s been a never-ending stream of consciousness since then. He’s 8yrs old now. The upside is that he has an amazing range of vocabulary and is very sophisticated with his speech. His twin, on the other hand, was the quietest baby and toddler ever. She does have her moments of chattering now, but I often think goodness, poor you having to listen to him 24/7 since birth.

No, he isn’t stimming; it’s imaginative play but obviously I’m not in his head so all I hear is a sudden yell or shriek or bellow!

He’s OK in the car with his Tonie box or music on but that’s harder to manage with DD so he talks. I’m being hard on him, I’ve realised.

We are big cinema and theatre-goers. My death stares are pretty lethal. I was pleasantly surprised that AD2 sat through a kids’ theatre production for an hour last week. Not so much the mother sat behind us who was performatively explaining everything to her child. In a normal voice. To be fair to your DS and my AD, they are growing up in a loud world where very few people now respect the etiquette of being considerate to other people. I wouldn’t rule out ADHD. Also, just to point out to all the people here who are doing the whole my kid does this because they are super-bright and ask incredibly clever questions schtick: neurodivergent children can also be very intelligent.

What does AD stand for?
My imagination is going wild 😂
is it annoying daughter or adopted daughter?

100% been there, both mine were non-stop talkers (especially 4-8), but then so are their parents, to be fair.

One thing I found actually worked, with the nonsense stuff (things like asking 'Why is that place far away?' yes, I genuinely had that) I started saying something like 'That doesn't make sense, I'm not going answer it'. It made it easier to cope with it without your head exploding.

Both! I like your style!

Adopted 👍🏻

😂 considering the thread we’re on with non stop talking children driving us crazy - it was plausible!

I spend a lot of monologuing children. Often I don't respond to everything and when I need to will just interrupt and redirect them. Sometimes I'm quite blunt and honestly I don't think any of them are ever really offended by it as I think half the time they are not that bothered about you listening as they are busy listening to themselves.

At the dinner table I would give him talk tokens, once they are gone no more talking until dinner is done. I would also make him leave the cinema for constant talking as it is so unfair on people around you.

I know this is light hearted but today my throat is literally sore from telling her to stop talking (we were doing something together where I needed to concentrate), in increasing tones of exasperation.

As a friend once joked ‘you’re not allowed to hit them anymore’.

you have described me too.
one of mine has adhd/autism and f me its a nightmare. Constantly talking and I feel like a grumpy mess towards them its so so hard and i feel awful!

it is so hard to be happy around them sometimes. I plan lots of days out/helpful activities and roll with it. Staying in all day and not having a plan is a living nightmare!

Very similar situation here.

Constant yapping, I am overstimulated, overwhelmed, stressed and cross.

I also do not suspect ND, although I suppose it’s not impossible. I do suspect it’s an attention thing, but he already gets SO much attention. and it’s a vicious circle, becuase I will give him loads of attention, he will want more and do the incessant talking / questions….and I completely disassociate. Which is bad, I know it is, but it gets to a point I just can’t take anymore. I don’t get time alone with my thoughts, can’t have a bath in peace (he talks through the door at me), can’t read a book or watch tv….so I end up scrolling on my phone, MN or YouTube videos and just completely disassociating. It’s a horrible waste of time and I feel awful ignoring him for something as low rent as YouTube videos, but I can’t do anything that requires concentration (reading a book etc) and I sometimes just need a five minute break from it.

Husband also does not respond quickly so I also end up snapping “please answer him!” to stop the constant “dad, dad, dad…dad, look. Look at this dad, dad. Dad”

its just awful. I’m hoping he grows out of it.

My son is 6, so a year older than yours. This time last year I vividly remember googling ‘why do I find my 5 year old son so irritating?’ The chattering shite about nothing, screeching for no reason, nonsense noises, etc.

I find him much, much easier now - he just really went through a really flipping annoying stage at age 5, but he’s largely grown out of it.

Mine talked all the time. All the time. But to be fair they come from a family that talks all the time. You need more adults OP to be talked at, also is your DC anxious, I always felt one of mine talked to secure attention rather than to have a conversation if you see what I mean.

DD10 does not shut up. It's always me she talks to. I have such a hard time listening for an entire day. I love her so much and so want to be an attentive mother but sometimes my brain just filters her out and then I realise she's looking to me for a response and I have nothing. Literally no idea what she's been saying. If I leave the room she follows me.

It's tough going.

Sounds like me.Just diagnosed ADHD with autistic traits.Hyperactivity come out physically and verbally for me.
Repeating things helps ideas and thought stick.58 when I got diagnosed.
I think it's called verbal processing.