To be ground down and exhausted by DS’s constant talking?

[Justsorelentless]

As ds (now age 5) gets older I am increasingly finding him so hard to manage. The worst thing is he isn’t a bad child or horrible or anything but he just exhausts me because he just never, ever stops talking.

It is constant jabbering from him. A lot of it is nonsensical, a lot of it is questions but then he doesn’t listen to the answer and just starts rambling about something else (a conversation at the dinner table goes like ‘mummy which country do we live … England … no no NO, mummy, we live in … live in England …’) if he decides he wants something or is interested he says the same thing over and over and over - I do acknowledge him and reply and show an interest but he just keeps saying it.

He also makes noises a lot, like ‘being’ an aeroplane or a fire engine so there will be these random whoops and shrieks. It makes me edgy and irritable.

I have tried asking for some quiet, it never works. He is quiet for about ten seconds and then starts up again.

He is better on his own, so I don’t know if it’s an attention thing (he has a two year old sibling.) It’s just so, so constant. It affects eating as he won’t stop talking at the table so food goes everywhere (yuck) and everyone else has finished.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a sense of a reciprocal conversation but it’s just … bollocks, which I know is harsh but true!

Oh god the following. I have two spaniels
as well and I can’t turn around sharply because there is always either DD or a dog behind me.

Have you tried a visual timer? You could use it so at dinner time he can’t talk until the sand runs out or the timer runs down to zero.
Visual timers work well (particularly with ND children) as they can see the time and know there is an end coming up. You could also use it as an aide to model reciprocal conversation.

Yes my eldest didn’t stop moving or talking from the moment he opened his eyes until the moment he (eventually) went to sleep, although still restless through the night. We do have periods of teen silence now though, I still get surprised at his younger brother just sitting there not saying anything sometimes.

Sympathies. My elder two are like this. Youngest doesn't talk quite as much but it turns out he has a significant speech delay, oops. Both older ones do have ADHD (as do I and I can talk your ear off as well) but I don't know that it's an ADHD thing specifically, I think it's a fairly common issue. However, I do have to say that because of this I actually don't really know what's normal.

With DS1, who used to talk even in his sleep, it got better when he got to the age that he and his friends all got phones and could phone each other up instead of rabbiting on to me constantly 🙈 and now obviously he is a teenager and mainly grunts, although if I catch him in the right mood (usually the key is it has to be after 10pm when the internet has shut off for the night) he will happily rabbit on about all sorts to me for a couple of hours until one of us goes wait, shouldn't you go to bed??

DS2 is on medication now for the ADHD but if anything it has made the talking worse as he will now monologue to you for hours about his special interests, though he is less likely to repeat your name and insist that you respond with the correct amount of enthusiasm. He just doesn't notice. He will keep explaining the intricacies of every single minecraft mod until your brain leaks out of your ears.

Joking aside, some of the stuff in this webinar is genuinely useful. Despite the channel name, the advice is not just for ND children but any child who has "intense connection needs" (which I think is code for "wants to talk to you 24/7 and/or be in full body contact at all times")

Some other things which have helped have been asking DS2 and 3 to wait their turn - I was so used to the constant talking that I would just let them talk over each other because I could follow both at once, but I realised that wasn't especially helpful, either for DS2 to learn how much space he can expect to take up in a conversation, or for DS3 to practice speaking more clearly. And also saying explicitly that I needed to take a break when I did need to and sometimes doing so in another room, which is hard to do when your youngest is so little.

My child has never grown out of this. It’s almost like a nervous energy. Or that silence makes them uncomfortable.

As they have got older I have been more blunt about conversations being a two way thing. No improvement. The school run is the worst. She doesn’t stop for breath. Doesn’t care if I respond. And re-tells the same stories.

It’s so fucking draining being talked at all the time.

No advice OP, but OMG I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I think my DS has used up his reasonable allowance of words by about 8am most days.

My DD is the same and is diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. I feel awful as I get overwhelmed sometimes when she doesn’t stop and I find myself drifting 🤦‍♀️
As she gets older she has started recognising when she’s been doing a constant monologue and says she will stop for a bit as she has been “machine gunning talking” as she calls it 🤣

I have not read the whole thread, but can you tell him to talk to a stuffed animal instead for a while? I read that advice somewhere. He will still be talking, but not with you.

i have an adult friend that likes to chatter, and usually i just let them talking and be like yes dear etc

Same here, all 3 of mine are like this, I thought it was just what having kids is like! Second audiobooks, or loud music in the car/kitchen while I'm stacking the dishwasher to drown it out!

I would talk to him about conversations and how important it is to listen. When he starts I would answer but then ask a question and repeat but it’s my turn to talk now, please answer my question. I’d keep gently but firmly bringing him back to the point.

Id try putting a film on at home but a short and when he talks stop the film
and explain you want to listen to the film and keep firm with that.

You need to help him because Its likely he’s doing this at school and you don’t want it to impact his friendships.

This is how most kids are, isn't it? My 8 yo is like this, tbh I don't listen, I tune out and say "oh boy" "hmm" and "yeah true" now and again. What's funny is my son knows I'm not listening and has pointed it out, but he doesn't care and keeps talking.

Embarrassingly, I know I was Iike this as a kid also. Sorry mum and dad!

It is developmentally normal, it's because they don't have an internal monologue until they are older so they have to voice every thought out loud.

What would happen if he talked into his/your phone then played it back to himself?

I saw someone refer to their springer as a clinger spaniel on Facebook the other day and thought it was spot on!

My son is like this. This was constant since he learnt how to talk until maybe 2-3 years ago when he "calmed down" and became more self-conscious (he is 11 now). He was also a hyperactive toddler/child. I have no advice really, it will get better at some point as years go by. Maybe try to refocus his energy and interest him in maths, so that there is at least some academic benefit to his excessive talking.

Yeah but this is where I just told mine to zip it as I’m tired of talking and need some quiet time and would be turning up the music in the car or it’s time for them to go and do something on their own and they can talk to their teddies if they want. If they continue to talk to you, just do the zip it motion and ignore them.

sounds like a mix of him talking TO you/asking questions, and then the general level of noise he generates even when playing independently?
two suggestions-

1. teach him to put his hand on your arm when he actually needs a response; could also try getting him to wait until you’ve finished whatever else you’re doing before he asks the question, but that might take a bit longer!
2. get yourself some loop earplugs (or similar) you’ll still be able to hear him, but it will take the edge of the constant noise

Mine are 7 and 9 and the same. DS used to not speak (delayed) and I have to remind myself to be grateful he’s speaking 😂

I think it’s ok to set boundaries. Talking all the way through a movie is an absolute no no and you should have taken him out.

I often say I need quiet time with no one speaking to me.

And I’ve become pretty expert and going ‘uh huh. Uh huh. Gosh’ when I’m not listening at all.

I understand completely.

DS (11) is getting better. The car remains where he will have a one sided conversation effectively with himself or ask me questions that he then doesn’t listen to the answer to. I just tune out once I feel myself getting cranky which I realise isn’t great but better than snapping.

Sorry to throw another pop diagnosis in, could be way off the mark but for she have any other signs of Tourette’s? Any ticks etc?

I was going to recommend headphones and podcasts or music for OP! I tell DS I need it for my calm down and it does help me have more patience

YANBU that sounds very full on. I think play dates & holiday club during school hols are your solution. Has he got a friend you can invite over & interact with? Then he might get invited back?

My DS talks constantly, holding monologues about his interests. He has ADHD (but only recently identified - he is 11. Before that everyone just thought he was very talkative). It is draining. But also very tricky because younger DS (3 years younger) never gets a word in, so have to actually say to him that now is not his time to talk, to enable younger DS. It also means they fight a lot because one is quite annoying and doesn’t let the other talk.
physical exercise helps - much harder to talk when you are running/ playing/ swimming, plus it calms him down after as well.
not giving answers… but redirecting… what do you think? Why do you think that?how about you look in your dinosaur book?
That is great, but right now I need some quiet time - you can stay with me and read your book quietly, or go and play…
ultimately- he will need to learn that he cannot be the only person who talks all the time, and that there are some situations when he cannot talk.
it is unlikely to go away, and very hard to manage.

I do think it’s important to tackle it rather than endure it. It’s being aware of others and understanding you have to take turns in a conversation, remain on task and show interest in what the listener is saying. At 5 these are improranf skills to work on.