To be ground down and exhausted by DS’s constant talking?

[Justsorelentless]

As ds (now age 5) gets older I am increasingly finding him so hard to manage. The worst thing is he isn’t a bad child or horrible or anything but he just exhausts me because he just never, ever stops talking.

It is constant jabbering from him. A lot of it is nonsensical, a lot of it is questions but then he doesn’t listen to the answer and just starts rambling about something else (a conversation at the dinner table goes like ‘mummy which country do we live … England … no no NO, mummy, we live in … live in England …’) if he decides he wants something or is interested he says the same thing over and over and over - I do acknowledge him and reply and show an interest but he just keeps saying it.

He also makes noises a lot, like ‘being’ an aeroplane or a fire engine so there will be these random whoops and shrieks. It makes me edgy and irritable.

I have tried asking for some quiet, it never works. He is quiet for about ten seconds and then starts up again.

He is better on his own, so I don’t know if it’s an attention thing (he has a two year old sibling.) It’s just so, so constant. It affects eating as he won’t stop talking at the table so food goes everywhere (yuck) and everyone else has finished.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a sense of a reciprocal conversation but it’s just … bollocks, which I know is harsh but true!

My five year-old son is exactly the same. He is in before and after-school club Monday to Friday pretty much every day but never stops talking 530 till 7 o’clock each evening. And my husband and I laugh that we can only just survive Saturday till Sunday evening and then he stops. 7 pm bed we both just sit there in silence. My husband does Saturday morning, and I do Sunday morning, so we each get 2 to 3 hours of peace to do what we want. We absolutely adore him by the way, but honestly not one minute goes by when there is peace.

I think it’s just a phase. Park him front of the telly.

This does sound like ADHD. I as always getting pulled up and having comments in my ‘talkativeness’. It’s hard to control but I am
an adult so manage..just.

Ooh I feel your pain op. My youngest is the same! I joke I shouldn't have had kids with a chatterbox.

I find it really overstimulating and suffocating too.

Mine is 7 now and we've had a lot of time talking about MY needs as well as the kids needs. I talk to them about how constant noise makes me feel. And about how I sometimes need time to myself or quiet time. I started this with a five minute timer where he has to leave me alone in a room for five minutes.

Mine is also constantly wanting my movement and interaction so it's also fucking exhausting as well as painful on the ears and I've been clear I need rest sometimes and enforced said rest.

He's young. He can be taught though that you have boundaries.

I will admit when mine was nursery and reception age I took advantage of the odd day of childcare in the school hols purely for the sake of my own sanity but also so he had more interaction and people to talk to.

Are his siblings older or younger? Mines older siblings make it clear when they think my youngest is being too talky. Siblings can be quite handy for the brutal moments where you want to say something but don't as you're trying to be a kind and patient parent. 🤣

Would he listen to an audio book? Obvious not suitable for everywhere but it might help at home?

Oh also. We are an ADHD family and I'm pretty sure youngest is too.

My brain is just like his, but I grew up in an abusively strict "kids should be seen and not heard" family so mine is a constant inner monologue and random noises and singing etc instead of it being out loud.

Whether he is doing well at school or not ADHD may be a factor. But even if it is you can still hold boundaries. Good luck

We did and he yapped all the way through it!

Thanks all. He does have a Tonie box and it does sometimes grant me a bit of peace, although it’s one you can play games on and he can’t play them as he doesn’t stop chattering on long enough to listen to the instructions!

Have you considered loop earplugs to reduce the volume and perhaps make it a bit more tolerable?

One thing I do is listen to music or a podcast in one ear and I can sort of tune in or out to the DC. If they get really rowdy I have to turn my music off because it becomes overwhelming but for tuning out it's handy.

I would look at DLD. The ordering of the speech and need to constantly repeat. There is also very little reciprocity and little empathetic awareness. He needs to learn to listen and that is hard. I really would recommend seeing a good soeech and language therapist now. Some therapeutic support now could really pay dividends.

I really feel you, OP. My now 7 year old used to make me feel utterly overwhelmed and teary by the constant on and on and bloody on. I also felt really guilty as I found him draining and struggled to find the joy in being with him as a consequence. I tried to make sure we had some time every day where I was really tuned into him, stopped whatever else I was doing and was just led entirely by him. The rest of the time I just did my best. No grand tips I’m afraid. He’s way less tiring at 7 but still full on! I found being outside in a natural environment helped

I had one like this. It was an onslaught and felt relentless. one time he was halfway through talking and did this huge long belch but somehow continued to talk, I was just like, will nothing stop you!!! ??

This was my ds too, then he stopped talking at 14 and it was hard getting a word out of him!!

Loop headphones can take the edge off it a bit.

OP before I read any of your thread, I thought ADHD.

Having read your posts, I still think ADHD.

I'm ND (not with ADHD though) and two of my (now adult) DC have AuDHD.

Yes, listening to this kind of endless, repetitive chatter is exhausting and irritating.
I take on board that you have another child who is altogether quieter. So have I - two others, in fact.

The good news is that they do calm down as they get older.

I'd start looking into getting a diagnosis if I were you.

Mine is nearly 5 and is pretty similar to this. Like your time example literally happened yesterday. Not listening to answers etc etc. On and on and on.

It does grind me down, but I try not to get invested in too many of the conversations, just lightly answering with a few answers here and there.

Perhaps it's an age thing ....
And then will hopefully pass.

Or it could be an early ND trait, mine doesn't make constant noises, and generally makes sense in his line of thinking.. like he wants to understand EXACTLY HOW EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD WORKS RIGHT NOW... you said some of your son's taking was jabber jabber?

Just reading this thread has set my teeth on edge. I feel for you.

One of my children is like this. It’s very draining. It’s worse when she’s anxious and she needs to talk to help manage her anxiety (she’s older than your son). I find some days I’m able to be more tolerant than others, and obviously now she’s older she does spend time in her bedroom and doing school work etc.
Overall though I have generally just had to deal with it as I’m her parent and I want her to always feel she can talk to me. As she’s got older she has become more aware of the need to tone it down with her peers (she has an ASD diagnosis). Sometimes when it’s late at night or I’m feeling depleted I explain that we need to put a 5 minute limit on it or set a time for us to go to bed.

Maybe also try to think how much you’ll miss him jabbering on at you when he’s a moody uncommunicative teenager! It honestly won’t be forever.

I have a nearly 11yo like this, it’s a shame we can’t get them together to talk at each other.

I joke I had a second DC so she has someone else to talk to other than me. But I’m actually not joking.

We’ve recently been talking about the importance of reciprocal conversation and paying attention to what the other person says, rather than just jabbering on about what ever pops into her mind.

I’ve found getting her to talk to the dog helps from time to time, but even the dog hides in the holidays.

My DS was like this. Turns out he has adhd

Thanks. ADHD isn’t impossible but I’m not sure he’s massively different to any other five year old boy. He is worse when with his sibling: I don’t mind him half as much alone, probably because with them both he has a habit of starting an onslaught at me when I’m trying to deal with DC2, and he does NOT pay any attention to ‘I will listen once I have done X!’ He also constantly interrupts which I find frustrating (the hand on the arm doesn’t work.) I do tell him not to and don’t just blithely accept it but DH isn’t as consistent and just says ‘yeah’ 🙄 And speaking of DH, he doesn’t tend to respond straight away so I’ll hear DADDY five or six times before I end up yelling DH WILL YOU ANSWER HIM!

I sound like a right grouch. I’m nice, honest. Honest …

My 11 year old DS is the same. He has ADHD and is medicated in term time but we’ve had a break for the Easter holidays as he hadn’t put on much weight in the last 3 months. Oh my god. He’s so annoying. I do tell him to be quiet which I feel guilty about when he’s in bed but it can be so relentless. He’s not as bad on his meds and his non ADHD sibling is nowhere near so I would definitely keep that in mind for your DS.

I personally don’t think it’s typical behaviour. I’m relentlessly chatty and definitely have ADHD.

DS7 and DH both talk absolutely nonstop. I thought DH was the most talkative person I’d ever met until we had DS!

DS talks from the moment he wakes, until he falls asleep and sometimes chatters away in his sleep too. Loads of questions that he doesn’t wait to hear an answer for and lots of streams of consciousness. And all at an extremely loud volume. It. Is. Exhausting.

He is now diagnosed with adhd and autism. DH not assessed/diagnosed and doesn’t intend to be but I’d bet the house on him being ND.

I had "another one"

Turned out to be twins

😱😱

I do love them, really

Loop earplugs and sertraline. I wish I was joking.

She’s still like it at 9, just does not stop. She gets way too much screen time because it’s the only thing that shuts her yap.

Oh god my two do this - and the eldest is 17 and NT!

They both start conversations with me where they want my undivided attention at the same time! And they refuse to just speak to each other! Until I tell them they have to that is.

Back in the day we were just told to shut up - simple and effective 🤣