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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to cancel our holiday for baby shower?

110 replies

magicseahorse · 06/04/2026 14:53

hey

My partner & i booked a long weekend with friends last September and we have now been informed that his eldest daughter is having her baby shower that weekend. It's the first grandchild on his side of the family and I have been "told" that the baby shower is more important than a holiday.

AIBU because I don't want to cancel my holiday? The in-laws help heavily with them (they stay a 3 hours drive away) so the date picked would be suited for his side of the family rather than hers. It was messaged the other night that the date of choice (but it "probably" will be) is 6 weeks away.

Whilst I understand the excitement of the first grandchild, I feel my partner & his family are never considered in dates and I have to drop everything to rush there too.

Was just needing to get this off my chest before there is an argument.

OP posts:
Random321 · 06/04/2026 16:34

Has your partner even told his daighter that the date clashes with a prebooked, non refundable holiday?

Is there anyway he can do both? Get a later flight or return earlier than you.

I can understand why he would want to be there (even if baby showers are s load of faf).

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 06/04/2026 16:34

No way would I cancel a holiday for a baby shower!! Baby showers are very low down my list of priorities. Weird that he’s going as men usually don’t. Is it like an afternoon tea type thing?! He ma change his mind. Big you should definitely go on the holiday!!!

Tryagain26 · 06/04/2026 16:37

I didn't go to my daughter's baby showers. They were very low key affairs with a few of her friends.
I don't see them as very important events.
Go on your holiday and enjoy it

SynthEsjs · 06/04/2026 16:39

Why would anyone cancel a holiday for a baby shower?

A baby shower isn’t important enough for that.

Indianajet · 06/04/2026 16:39

I didn't think men went to baby showers - I have only been to a couple a d they are boring, I certainly wouldn't miss a holiday for one.

Rileysp · 06/04/2026 16:40

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 06/04/2026 15:29

I’m confused - men don’t normally go to baby showers, are they inviting everyone?

Id say if it’s a shower that men go to and he wants to go to his child’s event more than a weekend away, I’d see if the weekend away could be moved, and if not, I’d go without him.

As a man this was my thought.

and why can’t they change the Day of the baby shower if grandads attendance is so vital?

Lindy2 · 06/04/2026 16:42

I wouldn't for one moment consider cancelling a holiday for a baby shower. That's madness.

In my experience a baby shower is a few hours sitting around making polite conversation and eating some buffet food. They're OK but certainly not worthy of cancelling a booked and paid for holiday for.

You just message "Thanks for the invitation. We would love to have attended but unfortunately we're away on holiday at that time. We hope it goes well." Job done.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 06/04/2026 16:44

Please let your husband know that to most mature people, baby showers are just a cheap gimmick, in order to get presents, before the baby's actual birth, and it is traditional to only have other woman at it. Unfortunately the vast majority of them are also trashy, and I can't actually understand why any expectant mothers would wish to put themselves through it.

To cancel a holiday because of a baby shower, even one's own daughter's, just gives out completely the wrong message as far as I am concerned. It makes your husband look as if he lives with too much guilt that he wasn't around for her enough before she even got pregnant. If your husband is suffering from too much guilt - or even well earned guilt, there are lots of more appropriate ways for him to try to make it up to her. Cancelling a holiday for a baby shower that didn't even have to be over the same dates as your holiday, is not one of them.

If my DH was to do something like that to me, I think it could well be the start of the ick for me, whether I would let him know that is another matter. If his daughter was still a young child, that he had left, presumably with her mother, then I would think very differently about it. But she is a grown woman - presumably - and she is having one of the least important parties in her lifetime, so if you can afford it, he should tell her that he will be giving her circa £1000 (I did say if he could afford it) so that she could have a reasonable choice of a pram, car seat, or a cot, ready and waiting to be delivered after the baby's birth.

Vartden · 06/04/2026 16:45

Wouldn't miss a holiday to go to my own child's baby shower. Luckily they haven't fallen prey to this grabby nonsense anyway.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 06/04/2026 16:46

Well he stays home and you go. A baby shower is hardly her giving birth and meeting your new grandchild its just a couple of hours of making small talk!

Rileysp · 06/04/2026 16:46

This sounds a power play to me by the daughter.

it’s not a tradition. Certainly not for men. Even the father of the expectant mother.

and if attendance is obligatory it’s not really appropriate to ask you to move holiday. It’s a damn sight easier to shift the baby shower

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 06/04/2026 16:49

Baby showers are hell. I'd rather go to the dentist.

Enjoy your holiday.

tiptoethrutulips · 06/04/2026 16:56

Go on holiday with your friends as planned. If your DP won't come because of the baby shower, invite someone in his place if that's an option.

Noshowlomo · 06/04/2026 17:06

Men don’t normally go to baby showers. I wouldn’t cancel a holiday for a baby shower

Alpacajigsaw · 06/04/2026 17:09

Drpawpawspaw · 06/04/2026 15:12

Cannot stand baby showers or gender reveals so zero chance Inwould be rearranging a holiday for one. what happens if you say we have plans on that weekend, can you move the date - as currently it is not fixed?

This

No way would I be cancelling a holiday for a lot of attention seeking crap like a baby shower

Fluffyholeysocks · 06/04/2026 17:15

I'm sure if your DH attends the baby shower he'll regret cancelling his holiday. I'd be happy having the perfect excuse not to attend!

OttersOnAPlane · 06/04/2026 17:43

It's a baby shower, not her wedding. No way on God's green earth would I cancel a holiday for a baby shower, not even my daughter's.

It's a couple of hours and a buffet. Far, far better to go on holiday and take her out for afternoon tea or shopping or something when you get back.

ArtAngel · 06/04/2026 17:48

Well of course his daughter is more important than a holiday… but that doesn’t mean a baby shower is more important than a holiday!

I would tell your partner that a BS is like a hen party for Mums: they play stupid games and give the Mum to be presents. You can show your support for his Dd in other ways. Unfortunate timing but you have had the holiday arranged for a v long time, it would be unfair to let your friends down and better to take holiday now than after the baby is born when his Dd will really appreciate any support.

And come what may: go on the holiday!

tnorfotkcab · 06/04/2026 17:51

Id go on holiday in my own tbh

Delatron · 06/04/2026 17:52

No way cancel. What a load of rubbish- men don’t normally go to baby showers. In fact it’s normally just female friends to be honest. (And it’s an awful American tradition).

It sounds like it’s been booked to clash on purpose if it’s being organised now. And surely you’ll be back down very soon after to see the new baby? So tell them you’ll see them then.

If your DH won’t listen then go on the holiday without him!

agatamum · 06/04/2026 18:08

The only baby shower I’ve ever attended ( out of politeness,) was a colleague’s a few years ago. It’s a weird American thing that’s made its way over to these shores.
we played a game by smearing Nutella over a baby’s nappy to make it look like 💩. No way in hell would I be missing a trip abroad for that nonsense.

outerspacepotato · 06/04/2026 18:12

I think they are the most tedious invention,

No, those are the over the top gender reveals. Then you get to the baby shower so people can buy the "right colour" like it's 19freaking50.

😱

Get ready for the gender reveal when you've made some other plans, @magicseahorse .

AgnesMcDoo · 06/04/2026 18:14

Absolutely don’t cancel. Baby showers are naff as hell and it gives you a good excuse to miss it.

PopcornKitten · 06/04/2026 18:17

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2026 15:48

Look at it this way, did they check if you were available before they booked the baby shower date? If not, then don’t worry about it. Go on your weekend away.

This!
I always think that with things like this people find a date and check with those they really want there first. Once that’s confirmed they then roll it out to the others. You form part of the’others’ in this scenario.
IMO, if you would prefer to go in your holiday then decline the invitation. Are you happy for DP to go without you OP?

MaroonedinWales · 06/04/2026 18:18

Did his eldest daughter inform you in advance that they would be scheduling intimate time which may result in a baby shower being mandatory X number of months from said date? If not, I'd say you are in the clear and can go guilt free on your planned holiday. Have a lovely holiday!