AIBU for not wanting to cancel our holiday for baby shower?

[magicseahorse]

hey

My partner & i booked a long weekend with friends last September and we have now been informed that his eldest daughter is having her baby shower that weekend. It's the first grandchild on his side of the family and I have been "told" that the baby shower is more important than a holiday.

AIBU because I don't want to cancel my holiday? The in-laws help heavily with them (they stay a 3 hours drive away) so the date picked would be suited for his side of the family rather than hers. It was messaged the other night that the date of choice (but it "probably" will be) is 6 weeks away.

Whilst I understand the excitement of the first grandchild, I feel my partner & his family are never considered in dates and I have to drop everything to rush there too.

Was just needing to get this off my chest before there is an argument.

Does your partner even know what happens at a baby shower?

I absolutely would not be cancelling my holiday for this. It's a baby shower, not a wedding. It's not like you're missing the baby's first birthday?

If he really wants to go then I'd pick out a thoughtful gift and write a nice message in the card and let your partner go and you go on the holiday still. If he thinks YABU then show him this thread.

Can you take another friend with you? Since you're going with friends it wouldn't matter if it was just you I'd imagine.

Definitely go and enjoy your holiday though- especially if you wouldn't get your money back!

“oh no, gutted, we are out of the country. I would have loved to have come, what a shame. Can we treat you to a nice lunch one day to celebrate together”

Isn’t it better that you are away when they have the baby shower but back when the baby is born and you can help? A baby shower is such a pointless event really, and as others have said, normally for female friends and relatives. Always seems a bit like a hen do to me and similarly OTT. I’d go on holiday. Your DP can go if he likes.

this is gold and will be my first question😂

I would say go if you want but I'm going on holiday, see ya.

My husband doesn't get to tell me what I can and can't do (though he tried a couple of times in our early relationship and I pushed back firmly) and vice versa. Sounds like he's expecting you to go to the baby shower, miss the holiday, plus deal with the admin of cancelling and explaining to your friends they are being let down. Erm, nope.

Absolutely this, I will be standing my ground on this one as it will set a precedence of plans changing to accommodate them.

Tell him he can stay behind to go if he wants then and you will see if a friend wants to take his place with you on the holiday. All the other admin that any (re)arrangements might involve - his job. So if he wants to see if it's possible to rearrange the friends' weekend away, then he can be the one who asks your friends about that, looks up options and costs and so on. Similarly, as he'll be going alone to the baby shower, it'll be his job to buy a present, get and write the card and all that. You'll be on your holiday 😀

You booked your holiday months ago.

If your attendance was so important, they should have run the date by you first.

You're not even married to her father.

It's an invitation, not a court ordered appearance.

Send something on their registry or gift list.

I'm in the US and while baby showers were traditionally a way to outfit a nursery for a first time mom with the family living on one income, they've become overbearing, incessant gift grabs and I don't go. I didn't have one.

Nah, it was a "here is the date it suits X who is helping us". This is another point I will be using, as if it were my child, they would have def said along the lines of "these are possible dates that suit X can you make any of these as I'd love you be there"

Most people would check that their parent did not have a conflict before setting a date for an event.

Tell your partner he can go on his own and enjoy the mindless, American crap of a baby shower complete with his DD's cooing girlfriends and hilarious quizzes and games. Who the fuck imported this tat? Whilst you go on holiday OP with your friends - simples.

Will your friends still want or be able to go on the holiday if you and your DH cancel?

Could you go with the friends while your DH attends the baby shower?

Definitely let him crack on.
I would think you are setting a ridiculous precedent that you and your life doesn't matter.
No way would i forgo a holiday for a baby shower.
I think they are the most tedious invention, thankfully after my time.

Stay firm, calm and strong.
Go on your own.

What has changed since the last time you posted this?

I’ve never seen a man at a baby shower before!

Goodness all he needs to say is we are on holiday that weekend. Surely they could have had the sense to check first before booking.

Go on holiday! Tell them it was booked. Go without DP if necessary. Baby showers are soooo boring, everyone cooing over baby grps and blankets. !

Well, I wouldn’t but I think these gender reveals and baby showers are just Insta fodder.

I didn’t even like the surprise baby shower my in-laws threw me - I know were trying to be sweet but the enforced ‘fun’ watching a heavily pregnant woman unwrap presents was dull even formme!

Don’t cancel your holiday. If he wants to go along with this self indulgent crap, he can crack on.

It is incredibly unfair for him to expect you to forego your holiday to attend something like that.

where I’m from it’s almost considered bad luck to be getting loads of baby gifts before the baby is born. DSIL -
American- had a baby registry with an upmarket dept store and although we chipped in for a bigger item I did find it all a bit odd to be asking for $100s for equipment and luxuries before the baby was safely here .

It took me years to concieve my daughter. With a lot of ivf. And my baby shower none of my family could make it I honestly didn’t care. As I had my friends. So I wouldn’t cancel a holiday for it.

Cancel holiday for a baby shower, not a chance ! They are just a new fad for attention seeking mothers to be. Load of old coblers in my opinion.

Definitely don't cancel a holiday for a baby shower. Each to their own but they're very tacky and pointless. Gifts and celebrations can take place when the baby arrives. It's not like you're going away around her due date is it?

I would not miss my own child’s shower though she would have asked if the date was agreeable.