Constant competitive undereating is giving me the rage

[Bettercallsalli]

Family Easter meal and once again ruined by my mother!
After 6 mouthfuls...o im so full. Cutting peas in half...just makes us all that eat nornally on edge.

One of my friends watches everyone at the table to make sure she's eating the least. If she's hungry, she tries to get someone else to eat more 'Do you want to split this bread roll with me? I can't eat a whole one.'

I do NOT share food.

Her husband, meanwhile, must weigh 25 stone.

People like that actually ruin meals.
I absolutely love my food and if I want 3 courses and a few beers to go with it I will. I work bloody hard and I will treat myself when I like.
They make the whole evening of a relaxing meal awkward.

This sounds like you have corkboards and string

My friend is a performance under eater. She then complains she is cold.
I always tell her she needs a good pie to stick to her ribs.

Wow you need to get that poor woman some help before she passes away from malnutrition. That’s really sad :(

First part ok, second part not. Just live your life. Nothing goes well when you try and be petty

This all sounds so bizarre to me.

My family is from a non-European culture which is thankfully not obsessed with being skinny so I didn’t get that at home growing up. And I was raised in a working class Scottish community where most people’s mothers -that I noticed anyway- weren’t obsessed with weight and tended to have quite good appetites.

I am so glad despite being a child of the 90s, I seem to have been quite insulated from the then prevailing culture in the UK re. skinny obsession.

I was totally shocked in my 20s when a girl my age told me her dad used to call her a fat cow etc when she was 16. Not that it matters but she’s actually quite slim with curves and always has been. Her dad was just disgusted because she wasn’t skinny like her mum. She was from quite a middle class family.

Ha ha ha

Or be an adult and not care

This thread has shocked me. Cauliflower cheese with salmon?

nahhh that’s boring! When they go low? I’ll go lower! 😝

Women aren't slim and healthy now though are they? Two thirds of them are overweight. Misogyny is still a problem but so is obesity.

Both my grandmother's grew up in that era, one is anorexic, one is completely normal. Eating disorders have always been a thing, they're not exclusive to that generation and also she has sever mental health issues that have severely damaged our family in many ways so you can't just lay the blame at the feet of Jane Fonda and call it a done deal.

My mum is obsessed with diet culture and celebrities in bikinis and all that shite from the early 2000s, it hasn't kept her or any of her friends skinny though! She's on slimming world round 4 and still overweight. She literally doesn't know what an appropriate portion is or her required calorie intake which is incredibly low at 5ft. It's almost like misogyny alone can't keep her or the rest of us thin.

Best quote ever

Yes I don’t understand why a small appetite is impressive either. My mother in law sometimes serves me smaller portions (penis portions for the men obvs) despite the fact I’m a size 10 and very active so I need the bloody food just as much as DH! It’s a very odd thing to be proud of if it shows you lead a very sedentary life!

They want to ruin meals. To them, meals aren't a time to spend enjoying good food with friends or family, or even just a necessary fuel stop. They are an opportunity to signal to all and sundry how virtuous and superior they are for eating less than anyone else, and to make others feel bad, and themselves good, over it. It's utterly obnoxious. Sour, joyless and narcissistic.

I know plenty of people who don't eat much; as I'm maintaining a weight loss, I don't always eat as much as I could or want to. That's fine. They just eat what they want and don't make a fuss. The performative and competitive undereaters are something else. Slicing a pea in half, ffs. Give the silly woman a pair of tweezers instead of a fork next time.

And even as an adult my friends all tend to have good relationships with food and are confident about their body image. But I have been in a couple of workplaces where I’ve seen some middle aged woman competitively under eat and constantly go on about diets. Glad that mentality is not and never has been part of my immediate circle though.

One of my very good friends is like a size 8 very slim and naturally toned and she’s probably my favourite friend to go out with to with to eat. I mean she obviously doesn’t eat like that all the time, but if we’ve arranged to go out she’ll leave plenty of room to order all 3 courses with me 😂

I have had friends like this. Not only commenting on their own doll sized portions but commenting on the amount others are eating. It used to really bother me but I also had my own food issues at the time. I am now at peace with my appetite and size, and competitive under eating no longer bothers me. I just ignore any such comments and they wash over me.

I am not saying you have ‘issues’ (whatever that might mean) with food but perhaps worth reflecting on why your mother’s actions bother you so much. This is not meant as a criticism, just something to consider (as I wish I had considered this myself previously)

I wouldn't ever eat with her

Or have an actual human conversation instead of whatever this is

My mum and MIL are exactly the same, both in late 70's.

Or ignore it and get on with life

her behaviour is so ridiculous it's laughable don't you think @Bettercallsalli?

Or do you find it too anger inducing to see past her daft performance? 🌸

That’s the spirit.

HTH

Well if that gives you joy, go for it