Constant competitive undereating is giving me the rage

[Bettercallsalli]

Family Easter meal and once again ruined by my mother!
After 6 mouthfuls...o im so full. Cutting peas in half...just makes us all that eat nornally on edge.

I see this a lot with my mum’s generation. My mum will often say she has eaten “like a pig” when she has just finished a perfectly normal meal.

It’s still annoying though. My approach would depend on the person, and my mood, eg
1- ignore
2 - “gosh I’m surprised you’re not tiny, with eating so little” (ok I wouldn’t actually say this, but have thought it)
3 - just give them ridiculously small portions, so they have to go for seconds

You can’t change her just her response.
It sounds like she’s always been a performative under eater and now compounded by reduced appetite in old age.
Can you serve family style so there’s no leaving some you have dished out. Takes away the oh my goodness I can’t eat this huge plateful.
Ignore and don’t look. Ignore any oh my I’m so full after 3 bites.
My mum is a bit older and had a much reduced appetite now.

You need to train yourself not to watch her eat. She'll find it much harder to be competitive if nobody's paying attention. Then also you could make a big thing of feeding your face. I would.

Should say - You can’t change her you can only change your response.

My family is full of fucking competitive and performative undereaters on both sides. No, it's not the same thing as just not eating a lot.

Years ago I gained and then lost a significant amount of weight. At my heaviest I was a size 16, which sent one competitive undereater into absolute paroxysms of joy. I don't think she enjoyed orgasms as much as she enjoyed going on and on about how I was A Size 16. She loved buying shit clothes in charity shops and every time she went to one she'd buy something, anything, as long as it was a size 16 and then present it to me in front of everyone as if it was an act of great generosity and announce, "I just thought it would suit you, it's A Size 16!" Someone left a top at a holiday let we were all at, she picked it up and told the family WhatsApp it clearly wasn't mine because I was A Size 16. She was still doing it after I lost the weight and was down to a 12.

One evening we ordered pizza. Some people got their own, some people shared a larger one, she immediately suggested she split one with me and I shut it down fast. I don't mind sharing a pizza with a normal person but I was not gping to put myself through her endless wittering about how she can't eat all that, how can I eat all that, goodness you enjoy your pizza don't you DID YOU KNOW THE PIZZA IS A SIZE 16 or whatever the fuck. Fuck off, Belinda.

She's not the only one...

Oh Christ yes the attention seeking baby voice, gives me the rage....

What is a penis portion? Is it served up on your plate in the shape of a penis?

It's the much bigger portion served to men.

Id be clearing my plate

Next time you cook for her serve her dinner in a toddler bowl and say nothing

She is 75 OP. Her appetite is probably akin to that of a sparrow.

This is my mother too.

ok, so at 80 her appetite isn’t what it used to be and that’s fine. Her not wanting to eat much (but getting plenty calories from red wine) does not give her carte Blanche to comment on what everyone else is eating. No mother, portions are not so much larger than they were a decade ago. Also agree with it turning into a massive performance about how little you eat.

I am going to work on a cruise ship later in the year for a week and was offered the chance to take a plus one free of charge. The reason I’m not taking my mother is that I simply could not put up with a week of commentary on how much everyone else is eating.

Oh aren't you lovely, using fatty as a slur like that! What you're describing is not at all what the OP has said. The OP's mother is the one making a fuss of being full whilst everybody else is just trying to eat. It's tiresome and damaging!

Maybe she was full..

This
Naomi wolf the academic and feminist wrote about this is the 90s in "the beauty myth
Diet culture is misogynistic

Oh, and I know from previous threads that there are people who deny this happens and think we just hate anyone who is slim and doesn't eat much because we are jealous fat pigs blah blah oink oink. Don't bother trying to explain to them the difference between a person who just doesn't eat much and a performative undereater. I've tried, it is truly beyond their comprehension, it's a waste of time.

I remember my cousin on the phone once telling me how two of them got into an undereating-off at breakfast and started cutting up dry Weetabix.

My mum and mil are both performative about their small appetites. The shrinking of their appetite is an age-related metabolism thing, but their constant wanging on about it is rooted in the period they grew up in. My mother in law in particular will not shut up about how little she eats. Yes, yes, we know Joan - you can’t POSSIBLY eat all that, you hardly eat anything these days. Shush.

But then my mum tries my coat on and walks around doing a silly walk because it’s DROWNING her, it’s so big on her, doesn’t she look SILLY?! Just as enraging.

I try and swallow it down because it’s the result of harms that were done to them in their teens, twenties and thirties. Having a small appetite and taking up no space is a point of pride to them.

I’d cut all the peas in half before you cook and serve them next time and count out an odd number for your mum, so you can tell her that she has 13 and a half peas but to let you know if that’s too many.

Why on earth are you leaving her some? 🤦‍♂️😡

Honestly, I would have to laugh at that. How utterly ridiculous.

There are many medical conditions that can make people feel like this-it can be completely genuine. And if you've been dieting, it can make it worse. Sometimes you might just not like the food, too, and it seems more polite to say you're full.

‘Fatty’?! Really.. what a nasty post

Clearly quite a few posters here haven’t heard of almond mums.
It’s clearly passive aggressive digs at other women’s weight, call them out every time.

Just one thing, and I know Im feeling raw at the moment , but mum aged 86 started to really pick around her plate the last few months, complaining she was full after a few mouthfuls . It enraged me as I went to great lengths to cook her dinners she liked and plate it up nicely

Turned out it was ovarian cancer , she died within 3 weeks of diagnoses

Now I obviously hope that this isnt your mother, but if she really is struggling and saying she's full after a mouthful or two, a GP check up might be on the cards

Sorry, I dont mean any upset

What medical condition makes you repeatedly exclaim about how full you are and how much everybody else has eaten?

You’re all far nicer than me. I would say to her ‘Mum, no one cares what you eat, no one cares what I eat. Shut up’.