Constant competitive undereating is giving me the rage

[Bettercallsalli]

Family Easter meal and once again ruined by my mother!
After 6 mouthfuls...o im so full. Cutting peas in half...just makes us all that eat nornally on edge.

Some really rude posts on here, and the usual mocking of people who don't eat a lot. It's not that rare for someone of 75 to not be a big eater. I am 60-ish and don't eat such big portions as I did 10+ years ago because I simply can't. DH is the same.

The silly and juvenile 'teeny tiny' comments always pop up on these threads, and they're honestly a bit pathetic. People are clearly projecting, but I don't understand why some people can't understand that others simply don't eat big portions. Perhaps people mention it because they don't want to be bullied into eating more than they want!

Some people seem really annoyed that others don't eat a lot. My DH's cousin can't understand us going out to a restaurant and having a starter, and a dessert, and not a main. We just didn't fancy a lot of food, but she kept banging on as if we'd shit in her cornflakes, about how she 'didn't understand' why we don't eat 3 courses. We just don't and we don't have to explain ourselves!

But who cuts a pea in half?!

It's attention seeking, just ignore her and don't let it bother you.

@SatinPajamas

I am not entirely sure what your point is to be honest. The reasons for obesity are wide ranging and complex, mysogyny being one part of the jigsaw puzzle. It certainly did affect a lot of women in that generation. Fat became a kind of moral issue.

Personally I come from a long line of feminist women who were not concerned about weight. Think Irish potatoe famine/severe poverty running through the lines. Food was respected and just looked at like fuel. My 40 year old sis is pretty obsessed mind, but that’s partly down to her awful husband who makes derogatory comments regarding her weight.

Creamy and oily really don’t complement one another, imo; but the original post was a joke. Or intended as. Signed, a competitive, cauliflower cheese-snaffling salmon hater.

I should have expanded. I wouldn't eat with her if I was worried that it would give my children a warped view of food and eating. I as an adult would ignore completely and not engage as thats what they want.

I know exactly how you feel @Bettercallsalli and it’s so relentless. It’s never said in a genuine “phew, I’m so full” after they’ve eaten a regular amount of food, it’s said in a way that implies those of us who are eating a regular amount (and plan to eat again that week - OMG, some of us might even eat again that day!) are gluttonous, revolting pigs who should be ashamed at our lack of self control.

I can well believe your mum cut a pea in half. Mine used to insist on “just half a roast potato for me, and only a teaspoon of peas…”
Every. Single. Time. Then she’d exclaim she’d never be able to eat such an enormous plateful, and leave some of it to make a suitably passive-aggressive statement about everyone else’s greed.

I’m a dietitian and it’s my strong belief there are many older women out there with “under the radar” disordered eating, who have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but are lifelong food restrictors. This can express itself/ worsen in later life especially at times of stress- bereavement, illness etc.

I came here to say the same! I’m appalled op. Not angry with you, just very disappointed 😉

That's fair

@Zov, the comments generally aren't aimed at those who don't eat a lot. They're aimed at those who don't eat a lot (or pretend they don't) AND who pass judgment on what other people are eating, which is incredibly rude.

If you're not someone who passes comment on what other people eat then the comments here aren't aimed at you.

And that's fair but the o.p's mother didn't actually say anything against her according to the o.p. She said she was full and apparently cut up a pea

It doesn't matter. If you are being hosted for a special meal e.g. a roast at Easter it is massively rude to give the men 4 roasties each and the women two plus half the serving of the meat without asking.

I worked for years with someone who every day made a show of only having a 10calorie cuppa soup for lunch, she must have eaten her kids for breakfast 🙈

Has she ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder? The only people I know who behave like this are anorexics or ex-anorexics (but it never really completely goes away).

Probably a similar level of joy the competitive undereaters get when they get joy from being nasty to others!

She needs to give Edward scissorhands some lessons in cutting peas

I have an acquaintance like this. Comments constantly on other people’s food “ooohhh, you’re NEVER going to eat all that” whilst pushing a few bits of food around her plate and not actually eating anything. I think it’s quite sad? She actually smokes like a chimney to curb her appetite but thinks none of us know!

My appetite has shrunk so much in the last couple of years because of arthritic pain and the meds I have to take. It annoys my superfit husband no end. He likes onions, garlic, tomatoes in his cooking and I struggle with those.

Could your mum have digestive issues she hasn't told you about.

The more i read on here, the more i realise how absolutely wonderful my mum was.
At her table there would be huge portions, always seconds and AT LEAST three different desserts. She was awesome.

You say she knew I was watching - so don't!
If it's attention-seeing behaviour the best way to deal with it is to completely ignore it

I tried one of those once. Emphasis on the “once”, it was like witch piss!

I'm not really sure what your point is either other than being rude because I think it's ridiculous that misogyny is the only thing that kept women slim.

A certain family member of mine does this. It’s so infuriating. After half a plate, it’s like “oh I’m going to have to walk miles to burn this meal off.”
😬😬 such a show off.

Aaahhh puts me in mind of when MIL “made dinner” for her and my husband when I was going out once. She cooked 3 mushrooms and one slice of toast and shared it between 2 plates. My husband looked on horrified “what’s THAT?”. He proceeded to fry 2 eggs and make more toast, as she looked on in dismay aghast at how he “could possibly eat all that?”. I snickered to myself as I headed out to have a 2 course meal 🤭. She’s restricted for so long, and has such a disordered attitude to food, that I genuinely think she doesn’t realise how messed up it is. Food restriction is high moral ground for her, and gluttony (by which I mean eating normally) is abhorrent.

Where in the o.p was the mum nasty?