Aibu to be upset by my daughter's 18th birthday present from her Aunt and Uncle?

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Yesterday was my daughter's 18th birthday. We don't often see her (only) Aunt, Uncle and cousin. Due to a complex family history my husband's brother is no contact with their mother. My husband has been no contact in the past but is now low contact due to her age. This has caused a cooling between the brothers.

However, we make an effort to put some thought into gifts for DN, which can be hard when you don't know the child well. My kids (DD and DS) are usually sent £10 in a card.

Her 18th birthday present was this pen, and £10 in a card that seems to be for a boy- think football and beer. She likes neither and is very feminine. AIBU to think SIL/BIL can't be arsed, and we shouldn't either. It feels like a slight as they've hinted they think we're only speaking to MIL for future inheritance. Or am I over thinking ?

YABU- it's hard to chose presents for kids you don't know well (or really at all)
YANBU- they don't care, and neither should you

YABU. What is even wrong with the pen?

It's a perfectly nice pen. A bit odd for an 18th though. I got given one as a teen but that was decades ago.

It’s not a very personal or thoughtful gift but fine if you aren’t close. Kind of thing you’d find in a card shop.

I think any birthday gift should always be well received.
They didnt have to get her anything so you sound a bit ungrateful tbh !

The pen seems fine and £10 in a card is also fine.
presumably if your DD hardly knows her relatives, it's just a nice "extra" gift?

(For info, your "thought out" gifts for DN might not be that appreciated either).

I don't see anything wrong with the gift, although the card sounds like a strange choice unless they had some previous reason to think she liked football... However, less than ideal though it may be, at least they did bother. I don't think you're being entirely UNreasonable, but I would not see it as a sleight either. It sounds like things are pretty awkward between the adults because of the family stuff, and perhaps they are just trying to rise above that when it comes to the kids, and just not doing so particularly well...?

It's quite old school, but a nice pen was a very traditional 18th birthday present, back in the day. Just be glad that they remembered, and want to wish your daughter a happy birthday.

Money and a pen seems fine, What more were you expecting? If you all normally just do £10 a one as well was a nice touch!

It looks like the pen is being marketed as an 18th birthday gift.

It’s a cheap gift but as they usually stick £10 in a card for your children I would think it’s on a par . Stop overthinking what you buy them if it bothers you .

It sounds as if there's quite a bit of complex family stuff going on and the birthday present isn't really the important part of it. If it does bother you, maybe start to send your DN money in a card rather than spending time choosing a gift then feeling aggrieved at the imbalance.

They haven't exactly pushed the boat out, but I can't see why you'd be upset.

It's a bit bland but they've acknowledged the birthday and sent a token. You aren't particularly close and they always send a tenner so I'm not sure why you'd expect much more.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the pen at all. It’ll be used, won’t it? It was probably to bulk out the £10 a tad. I’d be happy with it!

Shame about the card though, but perhaps they didn’t notice?

Are people deliberately not mentioning a football/beer themed birthday card?

No, I would not be grateful for a poorly thought out, lazy gift with a card like that. I wouldn’t make a fuss about it, but I wouldn’t smile sweetly and say thanks how thoughtful of you.

If they’re not close it’s just a token gift. I got a tenner in a card for my 18th from my auntie and uncle. I remember my mum being annoyed, thinking it should have been at least £20 because they and my 3 cousins all came to my party and ate so much food 😂 but the reality was - we weren’t that close and so it was just a token gesture.

It’s completely fine as a token gift. The card is more than a bit off, though.

It's shit. The thought counts and they've been thoughtless. Stop bothering, once MIL has gone and all affairs settled, it looks like you'll be NC. Don't be petty, do what you think for your DN's 18th, but leave them to it. It was passive aggressive, they shouldn't have dragged the children into it.

Some people may still think pens are a good significant birthday gift. They used to be. I think you’re being unreasonable.

How would they not notice, all three of them? Like really, that's beyond reaching.

Have you checked to see if there is money or a diamond hidden inside the pen? That's the kind of thing older relatives would do.

Your MIL is obviously a difficult woman if both sons have gone no contact with her at various points. Why did your husband start seeing her again? I can see why your husband's brother might think that your DH is only in contact now to protect his inheritance.

The gift isn't great but it's not terrible and at least they have acknowledged the milestone birthday and sent her a card and a present.

I mean it could be worse, my 18th present from my only aunt on my mums side is apparently in the loft, I'm 39 now, think they may well have found it by now if it wasn't a made up present.

You’re expecting too much. A family that has a mother that none of her kids want anything to do with, and then there’s issues between the siblings. What else did you expect from a family like this? Just treat them the exact same? I would and just move on.

You've said you hardly see them and aren't close. That gift completely shows that but it is the thought that counts even if you think it's a shit present. Stop putting do much effort into presents for them/DN.

how awful blaming it in the mil that you don't know. She might just be unlucky and given birth to a couple of oddball sons