Aibu to be upset by my daughter's 18th birthday present from her Aunt and Uncle?

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Yesterday was my daughter's 18th birthday. We don't often see her (only) Aunt, Uncle and cousin. Due to a complex family history my husband's brother is no contact with their mother. My husband has been no contact in the past but is now low contact due to her age. This has caused a cooling between the brothers.

However, we make an effort to put some thought into gifts for DN, which can be hard when you don't know the child well. My kids (DD and DS) are usually sent £10 in a card.

Her 18th birthday present was this pen, and £10 in a card that seems to be for a boy- think football and beer. She likes neither and is very feminine. AIBU to think SIL/BIL can't be arsed, and we shouldn't either. It feels like a slight as they've hinted they think we're only speaking to MIL for future inheritance. Or am I over thinking ?

YABU- it's hard to chose presents for kids you don't know well (or really at all)
YANBU- they don't care, and neither should you

My nephew was 18 today and I got him some beers and stuck a tenner in his card..

Nothing wrong with the gift or money. But if you are only giving to receive and aren't happy with it then perhaps it's best to stop exchanging gifts.

It's not easy to buy a gift for someone you don't have real connection with. So it's nice they thought of her at all.

Is there any truth about the inheritance? Thats something for you to think about as only you will know if there is or if you are overthinking.

Seems reasonable to me for a neice you rarely see. The usual £10 plus a token to acknowledge its her 18th. There is strong correlation between taking offence over this sort of thing and family estrangement. If you want to be on better terms with your husband's folks it's a good idea to break the habit and not go looking to be offended.

What does your daughter think? I’m pretty sure I didn’t get anything from my aunties and uncles for my 18th. I don’t think it’s unusual to stop sending gifts to nieces and nephews after they hit a certain age, or just send token ones.

It could be that you’re just using this as a stick to beat brother in law with, and in fact your daughter doesn’t care, or even finds it amusing that her relative she never sees sent her a weird present.

You are reading too much into it. They made the effort to send a card and present. The present celebrated her 18th which was a thoughtful gesture.

By the sounds of it, you are low contact with the brother so there should be no surprise that you and your daughter are not a priority to them. They could have easily just not bothered at all or just sent a generic present which didn't mark her 18th.

Your daughter sounds a bit ungrateful. What did she expect? Has she ever sent them a gift?!

MIL is fine. Their father was violent. MIL didn't do much to help.

MIL was not fine, she was ignorant to violence. Who was their father violent towards? MIL or her sons (or both)?

My bet is that they couldn't find another 18 card. I've noticed the range in birthday cards in what shops are left have been a bit rubbish recently.

They barely know your daughter - what were you expecting? Who's to say that what you think are well thought out gifts are well received?

The pen is just something 18 branded to acknowledge the milestone.

None of this seems like a big deal to me for oeole who don't really know each other.

The card sounds likr it's meant for someone else if clearly for a man/ teenage boy. That's lazy and thoughtless.

The pen & £10.- are ok if you are not close. It's a token/ acknowledgement.

My mum gave my daughter £20 for her 18th. I was pretty upset with that. I can see why you are.

I despair. It's about the sentiment not the £££.

I think you are over thinking it. Given the underlying tension between the two brothers then this is a civil, albeit slightly underwhelming acknowledgement of your DD's birthday that reflects the families current relationship.

I like the pen.

🫠 Don't be grabby OP

The card was an odd choice but a tenner and an 18th birthday pen isn't bad. Some of us got nothing from our aunts and uncles.

Why? How much are you meant to give for an 18th?

And what you like may not be relevant to the OP!

I'd have loved a pen at 18 and one at this age too.

I certainly wouldn't like a bottle of alcohol. Yuck.

My DS would have loved a pen! He writes a lot. It's a perfectly acceptable pen - is your DD studying? If so she needs a pen

It’s actually a thoughtful gift - it’s specifically for an 18th birthday as opposed to something random purchased at the last minute.

Hide a diamond inside a pen?!

I’d hazard a guess that has never, ever happened.

This

She probably had the card in a drawer and no time or money to get a different one. At least she went out twice to post things.

Even if they couldn’t be bothered don’t take it out on your DN and send her a rubbish present to get at her parents. Be the bigger person. Teach your DD it doesn’t matter, be grateful and move on.

When you're not close, I think the pen and some money is perfectly fine. I think the concern is misplaced sadness at the loss of relationship between the two men.

Move on from this and don't say anything, especially if the men hope to slowly rebuild their relationship.

It's an ok present, if a little old fashioned. Back in the day when we used pens a lot it was quite common to get a Parker pen or similar for significant birthdays especially for males as they didn't wear jewelery back then.
The card is strange though. Do you think they have recycled an unwanted 18th gift from one of their children?

£10 and a pen are both generic and useful, so good for a person you don’t really know.
Thoughtful gifts for people you don’t know tend to be not very usable. Just as an example my daughter got sparkly gymnastics leotards as thoughtful gifts for her birthday- problem is, she’s a classical ballet dancer, so these leotards will never be worn as she needs a completed different leotards. We of course said thank you, and I’m sure the giver is very proud if their thoughtful gift (which will go to the charity shop unworn)