Christening Etiquette?

[laughloseya]

A friend and I have been invited to another friend’s son’s christening. We aren’t close friends with christening parents, and haven’t known them long but we do really like them and are pleased to be invited.

My friend has suggested we skip the ceremony and just go to the party afterwards. I have said absolutely not, that’s rude as fuck and I like the ceremonies anyway. My friend says I’m behind the times and it’s perfectly normal now.

AIBU? Do people really do this?

I don’t know what ‘people’ do. I wouldn’t do that.

I think it would be a very odd thing to do at a baptism.

If you agree with the meaning of a christening then attend. All of it.
If you don't then stay home.

The ceremony is the special moment for them, just like at a wedding. If you’ve been invited to it all you should go to it all! It’s only about 15 mins! And as you say it’s interesting

That’s weird advice. If people don’t believe in marriages in churches do you also encourage them to snub their friends wedding invites?

I disagree with this. I’m not religious and don’t believe in God but its important to my friends and so I go when their kids are christened.

I would be disgusted to hear of anyone being invited to a Christening and only turn up for the party

You don't need to agree with it to celebrate it! That's like saying if you aren't religious you shouldn't attend a wedding in a church, mosque, synagogue etc.

That’s weird AF

I am not religious but I still go out of respect and friendship

the only time I did what your friend did was because my baby fell asleep in the car so I waited for her to wake up but then it was over anyway. But I didn’t intend to miss that part!

you can’t skip ceremony and just go to the party unless you are only invited to the party.
Has the ceremony place mentioned in your invite? If yes, you are invited to the ceremony and should go there.

Completely unreasonable to just go to the party. The church bit is the only bit that matters. Suitable gift and £20 on the church plate as you leave.

No, of course they don't!
I'd be appalled if you did that at my child's christening.

I once did this. Not intentionally!!! It was mortifying. I had to drive 100 miles, I thought I left so much extra time. I had toyed with driving the night before but it just didn't work. There were roadworks, so many issues and I entirely missed the ceremony.

It did not feel ok. Everyone was lovely, but it was just too embarrassing!

The other way round, if pressed for time - come to ceremony, show your face at party or immediately after ceremony, leave. Not just come to party!

It's a christening.

It's not a wedding with the main event for a chosen few then evening guests for the party bit.
You were invited to the christening. Probably involves a church service which might be a bit boring if that's not your thing, but that's the invitation.

No that’s really inappropriate.

we are going to a friends dc holy communion - they suggested since the service is >1hr and absolutely packed and we have a toddler, (who is just about to walk) and it’s at nap time, that we are welcome to skip the church and join for the lunch etc which I thought was lovely and thoughtful! Dp and dc will go direct to lunch and I’ll go to church.

I’ve got them a lovely (I think) gift but won’t be contributing £20 to the church.

I think it would be really strange not to go to the actual Christening. You don't need to put £20 in the collection plate either!

My husbands 2 x friends did this.

They are generally arseholes with regards to basic etiquette despite both going to fucking Winchester.

Go to the church.

I suppose I’m coming from a place of trying to keep a village church up and running. Lots of people want them to be available for hatches, matches and despatches but don’t want to pay towards it. I appreciate as a guest it’s totally up to you!

OP @WhitegreeNcandle is pulling your leg, £20 contribution to the church is unheard of in a normal world. Have a few pounds and put them if you want. And by a few I mean two or three pounds.

£20 is what I put in the plate weekly so would do the same at another church I was visiting for a christening. Doesn't mean it's required but it's also not so ridiculous to be a joke.

And yes, it's pretty rude to skip the actual ceremony. Although if anyone had done that to me I'd find it more bemusing that offensive.

@laughloseya your friend is an idiot. If you accept the invitation to the Christening, then you attend the Christening. There’s no ‘after-party-only-option’ - unless specified - for those that just don’t fancy sitting through the ceremony.

I went to my nephews Christening, few years ago now, I only attended the party after. But I did have a good excuse, I had given birth 5 days before, and had to wait for the midwife’s daily visit (said it was a few years ago) once she had been and given the ok, the service was under way. So I just went to the party I don’t think I could have managed the service as well tbh. I would never normally do that, and I was upset not see him baptised

Why? I have never left £20 for the church taking part in a christening.