Christening Etiquette?

[laughloseya]

A friend and I have been invited to another friend’s son’s christening. We aren’t close friends with christening parents, and haven’t known them long but we do really like them and are pleased to be invited.

My friend has suggested we skip the ceremony and just go to the party afterwards. I have said absolutely not, that’s rude as fuck and I like the ceremonies anyway. My friend says I’m behind the times and it’s perfectly normal now.

AIBU? Do people really do this?

I could maybe understand if there was a huge guestlist and the ceremony was in a tiny chapel. Otherwise it's really rude.

No. That’s rude.

In my last parish there were big parties around the Christening service. They seemed to have taken on the place of weddings in some areas. Everyone came to the service. I developed an introductory talk about what we were doing, how long it would take and where the loos were as most people were not used to being in church. I used to include a request that guests respected the wishes of the parents to have their child baptised. . From the front, as the priest, I could see the eye rolling, the talking behind hands and the outright contempt for what was happening in the worst cases.

If your friend really can’t stand being in a church then maybe it’s best if she stays away. It will look rude if she just rocks up for the tea and cake in the garden but if it’s a big affair with a hundred guests it’s less obvious. Her choice. Local venues wouldn’t hold post Christening parties in that parish as the behaviour in church got worse when fuelled by alcohol in the pub/hotel/community centre.

Every parish is self-supporting.

CofE doesn't fund running expenses and staff costs, but may give tiny grants for specific projects.

Ummmm ok? Not sure of your point? We spoke to the vicar to arrange it. Asked how much it cost. He said it didn't as we were having it as part of the Sunday service but they suggested a donation of £x (I can't remember how much this was). So that's what we did.

It's not your problem, but it is very careless on the church's part. They don't seem to understand charity law or fundraising regulations.

I feel differently about weddings and christenings because weddings don't require me to renounce Satan etc. You're only asked to support the couple in their marriage which I happily do.

Since you asked

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Properties_and_finances_of_the_Church_of_England

No, don't do that. Just don't go. Weird you were invited anyway.

Here's a guide for guests at a baptism service:
A warm welcome for christening guests | The Church of England

There are different ones for parents and godparents.

She's probably just trying to be polite to non-religious friend. I would do the same. However, if you'd like to go then go, and I would imagine she would be pleased that you made the effort to share that moment with her.

I feel differently about weddings and christenings because weddings don't require me to renounce Satan etc. You're only asked to support the couple in their marriage which I happily do.

You only have to say that if you're a God-Parent (not unreasonable!). That's true for Catholic faith anyway.

Im sure he knew what he was doing. He wasn't exactly new to the job. And it was 20 years ago, so things may have changed.

Wowsers! Billionaires! I thought so.

I am Irish and brought up catholic and have never in my life heard of doing something like this. The parents here in Ireland at least pay the priest for the thrill of christening the child but leaving 20quid on the plate as a guest is not a normal thing to do.

Genuinely surprised that my post popping £20 on a church plate is so unheard of!!! I’ve always been a part of rural churches so maybe it’s a country think!

YANBU, your friend is really rude

Yes, I've certainly never heard of it.

Why would the guests contribute to the church?Don’t the hosts pay the priest for the service…I know we did for our wedding, christening etc… im talking about the Catholic Church.

Friend can do as she pleases. And so can you. You were pleased to be invited to the ceremony so go to it.

If the baptism is part of the normal morning service then there will be a collection. I assume that's what was being referred to. I always find it a bit sad when baptisms are separate events

Actually I live in New Zealand and haven't been to a Christening in awhile so you probably are right in your view.

There is no charge for a baptism in the Church of England.

You'd be surprised. Very few churches have fundraising training. It's a bit of a thing of mine.

In both my children’s baptisms we were charged a fee from the priest which we paid. No need for the guests to put £20 in the collection plate.