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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christening Etiquette?

112 replies

laughloseya · 04/04/2026 21:58

A friend and I have been invited to another friend’s son’s christening. We aren’t close friends with christening parents, and haven’t known them long but we do really like them and are pleased to be invited.

My friend has suggested we skip the ceremony and just go to the party afterwards. I have said absolutely not, that’s rude as fuck and I like the ceremonies anyway. My friend says I’m behind the times and it’s perfectly normal now.

AIBU? Do people really do this?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/04/2026 21:13

Of course you can’t skip the church, they are suggesting that

YankBrit · 06/04/2026 17:57

I am an atheist Jew with a Hindu for an adopted daughter and two Catholics for God children. I go to everything they want me to, gladly, because I want them to be pleased. I don’t have to believe in what they believe - I go to Christmas parties, after all.

Askingforafriendtoday · 06/04/2026 18:15

Christenings usually/often take place within the context of a service, the whole congregation is part of it. Strange not to go but just to the party

Needspaceforlego · 06/04/2026 18:26

Grumpynan · 04/04/2026 23:43

I went to my nephews Christening, few years ago now, I only attended the party after. But I did have a good excuse, I had given birth 5 days before, and had to wait for the midwife’s daily visit (said it was a few years ago) once she had been and given the ok, the service was under way. So I just went to the party I don’t think I could have managed the service as well tbh. I would never normally do that, and I was upset not see him baptised

I think thats forgivable.

But generally no you can't rock up at a party if your don't attend the main event first.

JustGiveMeReason · 06/04/2026 18:34

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/04/2026 22:01

The ceremony is the special moment for them, just like at a wedding. If you’ve been invited to it all you should go to it all! It’s only about 15 mins! And as you say it’s interesting

Many Christenings are done as part of the Sunday morning service.
Unlikely to be 15mins.

But, obviously your friend is wrong OP.
If she doesn't want to go to the Christening, she should politely decline. No-one skips the main point of the day.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 06/04/2026 19:59

Go to the ceremony. It is incredibly rude not to.

sesquipedalian · 06/04/2026 20:02

OP, the point if the Christening is the baptism. The church service is the important bit, especially for the parents and godparents. You could go to the church and skip the party, but to miss the actual christening itself would be monumentally rude. I can’t believe your friend would suggest such a thing.

Inthenameoflove · 06/04/2026 20:04

It would be quite rude to just skip to the party unless there is a very good reason. It would be a bit like skipping a funeral service and heading to the wake.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 06/04/2026 20:09

Sorry to hear you are not willing to contribute to the upkeep of a church. £20 is not alott to ask considering it will be a once in a lifetime contribution. This is particularly the case if it is a pretty village church that only has a service once a month. They will rely on gifts from occasional visitors to keep the church open for when it is needed for weddings and christenings.

Ovaryinatwist · 06/04/2026 20:12

Never heard of anyone missing the Christening and just attending the food/ gathering after.

You do not need to put anything at all in the church plate. Said as a weekly churchgoer.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 06/04/2026 20:19

One of my friends didn't attend the actual Christening part for one of my DC but showed her face at the after bit for a while. She was really ill with flu though, but wanted to put in an appearance.

Regarding putting money on the collection plate, we made a "suggested donation" to have the Christening as part of the usual Sunday service. So the church had more money that week than usual, if guests chose to put more in then that was up to them, but it wasn't expected.

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2026 20:30

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 06/04/2026 20:09

Sorry to hear you are not willing to contribute to the upkeep of a church. £20 is not alott to ask considering it will be a once in a lifetime contribution. This is particularly the case if it is a pretty village church that only has a service once a month. They will rely on gifts from occasional visitors to keep the church open for when it is needed for weddings and christenings.

Who are you to say £20 isn’t a lot of money? To some people that’s a lot and they may not have it to spare. Also ‘once in a lifetime’ …. The christening might be once in a lifetime but it didn’t mean trips to church are, there may be other christenings/weddings/funerals

EastEndQueen · 06/04/2026 21:59

Definitely incredibly rude to miss the service. Also rude imo to make it about you by refusing to come on the basis that ‘you don’t believe in it’. It’s about celebrating the person at the centre and their choices. My SIL refused to come to DS’s first holy communion last year on that basis - he had been preparing for months and was so excited for the day. I’m always going to think less of her for that.

I did encourage a close friend just to come to the party for the communion tbf but that’s because she would have been coming straight from a night shift! And she still offered to come to the service bless her. And at my wedding a family friend had junior doctor exams and could only make the reception. But that’s was all fine, very good reasons.

Mcoco · 06/04/2026 23:21

The Christening is the important part of the day for your friends and they obviously want you to be part of it. It would be very offensive to only attend the party.

Mcoco · 06/04/2026 23:22

The Christening is the important part of the day for your friends and they obviously want you to be part of it. It would be very offensive to only attend the party.

InterestedDad37 · 06/04/2026 23:28

If you want to go to a celebration to 'wet the baby's head' you really ought to first go to the bit where the baby's head gets wet.

AmazingGreatAunt · 06/04/2026 23:32

Hmm, really weird to be "invited" to a christening if you are not immediate family or a godparent.
However, as you have been "invited" I would suggest that the proper form is to turn up at the church, dressed appropriately, attend the service and then proceed to the christening party.
Alternatively, if none of this is your thing, just decline the invitation with a "due to prior engagement" excuse.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 06/04/2026 23:58

Hmm, really weird to be "invited" to a christening if you are not immediate family or a godparent.

It really isn't.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2026 01:02

It would be incredibly rude to go to the party and not the actual, you know, christening. Like not bothering to turn up for someone’s wedding ceremony but crashing the reception anyway.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 07/04/2026 01:28

Your friend is wrong. Go to both parts or don’t go at all.

PollyBell · 07/04/2026 02:42

I would only go to both or none at all, it can be justified by other poster's I mean, to me it is simple

elliejjtiny · 07/04/2026 03:04

It's really rude to just come for the food after the christening is over. Unless you have pre arranged it with the host of course and you had a good reason like the pp's who were waiting for the midwife, got lost or were doing the night shift.

With the collection money at our church the collection plate wouldn't be around for a christening. We don't expect visitors to give money, they are guests. We would collect money from people who regularly come but only if they want to. We give 10% of wages or more to our own church but wouldn't give money to another church. Although if MIL is around she will still give dh a pound to put in the collection!

Allswellthatendswelll · 07/04/2026 04:06

Going against the grain but DD was christened last month and I invited lots of local friends with kids and said they were welcome to come to both or just the party. About half of them just came to the hall after. It was a pretty long service for toddlers etc and didn't bother me at all. We had family/ godparents so about 30 in the Church and 50 at the party. I wouldn't have thought anyone was expected to give 20 pounds plus to the church. A few quid if you have them.

EdinaTheConfessor · 07/04/2026 04:17

Of course if invited to a christening I would go to the church part, but why is everyone so adamant that it’s the only important part? When people get married the only important part really is the ceremony, yet people happily go along to only the after party. What’s the difference really?

SweetnsourNZ · 07/04/2026 04:22

If you are invited to the Christening that is the most important part. The refreshments after are for the Christening guests, not just some random party. If you aren't religious it doesn't matter, just think of it as a naming and introducing to the world ceremony for baby. Many babies that get christened aren't from particularly religious parents anyway.