AIBU to be confused by sibling invite?

[PearLover4]

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

Kind of. Soft play parties are the parties of choice round here and people take siblings but pay for them to enter the soft play.

I do think there’s a different ‘done thing’ ranging from school to school and possible even class to class. I mean I wouldn’t do it myself but I probably wouldn’t accept the invite for a home party either.

No, at that age it’s strange as usually you’d drop the kids off. particularly the older kid- that’s not even like they are after free babysitting and they definitely won’t want to be there! Did they give a reason?!

For younger kids, I just assume siblings will come to make sure everyone can make it even if single parents etc.

I hate this!! I would never taken my other child to a party they had not explicitly been invited too!! I wouldn’t even ask

I am amazed that a 13 yr old wants to go to 10 yr old's birthday party!

Not at a party where you drop your kids off. It might be different if the parents had to stay and watch but 10 year olds are quite capable of being without a parent at a party.

At 10years ild... no it isnt normal. Especially at home.

At 5yo asming if the toddler can go to soft play its a bit different.

At 4 or 5 yeah i get it.

At 13 and 7 those parented are taking the piss. Just say no....

at 10, def drop off and go… just respond “oh you don’t need to stay, drop off is fine, we’re tight for space so don’t worry!”

I mean, you're overreacting by having your mind blown. What's the harm in them asking? Just say, no sorry it's just a small party for her immediate friends.

OP, I think you're being used as a free babysitting service for the parents to be child free.
It's definitely cheeky.
And makes things far more stressful for you, as I highly doubt the 13 year old will want to play with the 10 year olds and the 7 year old may irritate them.
Sending luck!

It's normal to ask to bring a sibling along to a party that parents are staying at - usually because of childcare reasons.

I'd say its very odd to ask if a sibling can attend a drop off and go party, especially if they don't know your daughter. I guess the parents might want to be child-free during the party time to get some time to themselves?!

Do you know the parents well enough to speak to them about it and say your daughter doesn't feel comfortable with children she doesn't know attending, especially when it's a small intimate party? I know it'll be awkward, but I feel your daughter deserves to enjoy her party, especially as its her first!

The flip side I guess is that if your daughter has been attending these other friends parties since they started school together, maybe the cheeky parents that asked to drop siblings off too feel you owe them in some way?! If they've catered for your daughter for 6 years worth of parties I mean.

Haven't come across this but I get it! Mum is sitting in soft play so why don't take the other kids too. The whole soft play isn't booked out so they're just like other customers aren't they. Or would they expect to be sat at the birthday table, having cake and a party bag? Surely not!

Honestly I can't understand the reasoning behind it and I'm genuinely curious. Do people worry the uninvited children are missing out and will be sad? Is it a chance to get rid of all kids at once as childcare?

A 13 year old? Unless they are one of those kids who love younger siblings (then they might be helpful?) they will probably sit on their phone if you let them. A 7 year old is tricker…..

You've got time to rescind the invitation.
Go back to the CF parents and say that you've now had a chance to speak with the birthday girl, and she would rather just have the small 6-person party that she originally asked for, in your not-massive house, so sorry, but the siblings will have to do something else that day.

Well, at our soft play there is a separate party room so siblings go up but don’t have food or a party bag. (But there generally is food left over; kids never seem to eat much at parties. I don’t know why as I love a party buffet!)

It does seem really odd but there sometimes are unwritten rules which vary place by place.

Just say if you are bringing siblings you need to stay.

My mind is blown because I'm just baffled as to when this became a thing and why! If I got invited to a work mates wedding, I wouldn't think to ask if my best mate can come to. This isn't done under any other circumstance is it, and it never used to be done and now it's clearly the done thing, so sorry lol but I am blown over by it. There is no harm in them asking - or coming! - I'm just baffled as to WHY they asked and why on earth they'd think their child that doesn't know the party girl would be included?

YABU for not saying no. I would message them back and say that there isn't room for siblings.
Is this a weekday and they are looking for a cheap activity for all children or free childcare during the holidays?
My daughter is 10 and I would never say could her brother attend a party, especially one at home. No parent stays at this age so there is no reason a sibling needs to come too.

My mind is blown along with yours OP. Go back and say no…it’s a small party and if you go ahead effectively 1/4 of the guests will be unknown to you and the birthday girl. You’d rather invite other friends of your child but couldn’t because space so it’s not appropriate. Cheeky fuckery of the highest order!

Can my kids come? I’ve only got 3. 😂

More fool you for saying yes.

I think that’s really weird for a 10 year old.

5 year olds, toddlers, soft play etc, I totally get it and can see why people ask. But a house party for a few friends at age 10? Why on earth would a 13 year old want to go? And a 7 year old is a big difference too. Especially if these kids aren’t great friends with your kid!

My kids are 8 and 10 and I’d never dream of asking if one could go along to another ones party at a friends house. Except maybe if it was a very close family friend or I had some kind of childcare emergency!

some parents dump siblings at parties. It pisses people off. One party I did, I specifically said we couldn’t accommodate siblings. One mum still dumped two siblings and ran off. DD was not happy as she would have rather had two more friends but numbers were limited.

Why have you said yes if the answer is no?

I'm with @Caterina99 I think there is a difference when it is a small party at someone's home so they have clearly catered for that number & don't necessarily have the room / man to man marking capability to look out for 2 extra of quite dissimilar ages - in that case I think it's OK to say , no not convenient. Even if you have said yes I think you could phone back and say "On reflection I'm not sure how this will work - sorry "