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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be confused by sibling invite?

111 replies

PearLover4 · 04/04/2026 17:46

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

OP posts:
eulmh · 05/04/2026 18:59

No it’s not the norm here at all. Siblings only come if invited. At a soft play we maybe bring siblings and pay for them to enter knowing they aren’t included in numbers for party food etc. I think it’s really rude. Unless you’re in a bind and can’t leave a little one at home etc but I’ve only ever asked once and I paid separate and got her separate food etc, can’t think of anything worse than taking my 14 year old to my 10 year old friends’ parties!

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2026 19:03

It’s just utterly bizarre.

Why would any 13 year old want to go to a 10 year olds party? It’s cheeky fuckery of the highest order. Tell them you’ve changed your mind

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/04/2026 19:19

It's not the "done thing" in polite circles! If it was a party where a parent needed to stay then I can understand why they might ask - no other childcare available so either the whole family comes or nobody. But for a 10 year old, no way. If you're catering for 8 guests at least make them friends of your child. Honestly, I would challenge them and say you have reflected and changed your mind, even if you initially agreed. If the invited child doesn't want to come without her big sister (or a similar reason) then surely the parent would have explained when they replied?

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 05/04/2026 19:46

I think it is outrageous for people to ask if siblings can come when your daughter and her friends are 10 - and it is at your house! Beyond cheeky. I would definitely say you’re very sorry but you can’t accommodate siblings as if you had more space, your daughter would have invited more guests.

wellstopdoingitthen · 05/04/2026 23:24

Yanbu to not like it but YABU to let it happen. Just say “no the party/activity/group isn’t suitable. The party is only for my child’s friends “.

Saladbrains · 07/04/2026 00:36

PearLover4 · 04/04/2026 17:46

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

They asked you because you have a choice.

Exercise it.

Bonsaibaby · 07/04/2026 01:34

It’s been the norm for single parents before drop and leave age but at 10 I’d specify in the invitation that they should drop their child and go, unless parents are invited and it’s more of a family party feel in which case it’s more understandable to bring siblings.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/04/2026 01:39

There is very little extra costs involved in a house party. It wouldn’t bother me if they came, mind you I wouldn’t fancy entertaining without a bouncy castle or something to keep them occupied.
Party games aren’t enough entertainment these days.

Chilly80 · 07/04/2026 10:22

A house party is pretty cheeky. A big party in a hall is fine. When you pay per child the parent should pay for the sibling not the host.

GabriellaFaith · 08/04/2026 01:24

I have 2 girls only a year apart so they always both get invited to parties, and I always invite siblings if only a year or 2 older or younger. I just see it as no one is left out, parents can have a break if childcare is sorted for a few hours, and the favour gets returned.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 08/04/2026 01:34

“No, siblings aren’t invited. This is a small party for close friends”.

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