AIBU to be confused by sibling invite?

[PearLover4]

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

More the merrier ? You’re messing up your own child’s first ever birthday party by inviting strangers.

If it was 20 kids the siblings would blend in but not with small numbers.

mug.com

I would say "no sorry, its only a handful of DD friends" Its fairly standard at soft play/village hall parties, I am a single parent and if I couldnt take sibling, we couldnt go (when they were at an age where parents stayed"

I would never have minded if it had been a no though!

Because if the parent is staying with the child, not everyone has childcare options for their other children available.

I will always expect siblings at my 5 year olds parties …… but it would be weird to some to turn up at my 11 year olds!

They are unreasonable, but so are you for never hosting before

I’d just say sorry no siblings as it’s just birthday child’s friends and a drop and go and we aren’t having any extras!

I’ve sometimes taken my kids siblings to party’s if they are at a soft play and the other 2 Play with each other (not so much now but historically) but NEVER at someone’s house

you are not free childcare!
just say no and be firm about it

How long have you been on Mumsnet/Earth? There is at least a thread a week about party cheeky-fuckery.

No that's extremely rude. The only time it's ok is if the kids are very little and a parent will have to stay with one child. Then (and only then) it's ok to ask if a sibling can come because parent can't be in two places at once and not everyone has a second parent to have the other kid.

This isn't normal for drop off party on the home at all, in my experience. Only normal to ask if sibling can come if parents have to stay, because of childcare. Either it's not clear to parents they can drop off (which is surprising they haven't assumed that at 10 at home), or you have an unusually high percentage of CFs looking for free childcare!

This is definitely not normal for a drop and go house party. CFs

Why?

The more the merrier? You said in your OP your child won’t be as comfortable now! First time you’ve ever let them have a party and you’ve let extras tag on that will make her less comfortable. What is the logic in that?

Even if the kids were 4 or 5 I'd say no to uninvited siblings to a party in my house.

Only CF's ask.
I wouldn't entertain this.
They are using you for childcare.

Very different from them going to a soft play centre and paying for them, because it suits them.

Only rude people do this.
I would go back and say upon reflection this doesn't work for you and you will understand if X can't make it.

I voted YABU because you said yes!

Just say 'Invitees only. No siblings.'

At least they asked! In my experience they just turn up which is why I always do about 5 extra party bags. Also extra cake as parents have frequently asked for additional slices to take home to other children .
I’ve even had an uninvited child ask me where their special food was , they needed gluten free!

Hmmm, that is CF behaviour and they are using you for childcare. Why would a 13 year need or want this?!

Go back to them and say they caught you on the hop and it’s not going to work. People bring siblings to soft play when they’ve got nobody else to look after them, this is just giving the mum a few hours child-free!

You haven't had a party for 10 years so it will be new to you but a classic way of dumping uninvited children on you...it happens all the time

The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

YABU for saying yes when you know it will make the birthday girl uncomfortable. Does the parent know it’s a drop of party? It’s not normal to ask for siblings to also be dropped off to a small gathering at someone’s home. I would of let them know the party is a drop off so they won’t need to worry about finding childcare for the siblings, if they then were being a complete CF and asked if they could attend anyway I’d say no due to space that’s why I’ve only invited 6 children

You’ve been attending other parties since the start of school (5 years) and never hosted one yourself ??? If I was one of the other parents I’d be wanting my moneys worth as well

This does seem a bit odd when they are older at a party where you drop your child off and leave. When they are younger and parents need to stay, then its reasonable - especially for single parents. We did this for DD's Birthday (we hired a hall with an entertainer) as we know how hard it can be to juggle when you have other children. Seems like in this case, parents are trying to pull a fast one and get a couple of hours peace 😂

I'd contact saud parents abd say sorry, now ive had time to think about it I'd rather tve attendees at the party are just those invited friends (also, it's a party, not a child minding service!)

I've been asked many times and if it's not convenient I just say no.

Not to a party where the kids are being left no. I take both of mine to parties where we stay (single parent no childcare) but I always ask and pay for the other one. There is absolutely no reason at all for these siblings to be coming, i can’t imagine the children will be thrilled at bringing their siblings along either.

Did you read the OP?

I don’t understand what soft play has to do with anything

Why wouldn’t you accept an invite for a party at home.