Aibu to think this is wildly inappropriate to say to a widow?

[Otterloverfrenchielady]

Df1 very recently lost her Dh unexpectedly

Df2 has not made any effort to be there (they aren’t particularly close) but then tells me that she told her the following.

I had a dream about your dh, he was in a pub and I asked if he was alright and he said he missed us all.

aibu to think this is wildly inappropriate. Why would her dead husband be visiting random friend if you believe in that stuff rather than his wife. if you don’t believe in it what on earth do you hope to gain from it?

nb Df2 doesn’t believe they have some sort of sixth sense, or sight. Generally they have a way of making any situation about themselves.

You don’t get to decide whether this is offensive, crass or tactless, and nor do we. Instead of attempting to get the internet of strangers to vote on how the widow should feel, take your lead from her.

tbh OP, at best it sounds a little like you are attempting to direct and manage her grieving process, and at worst like you want to shit stir and potentially cause issues with her friendships at a very vulnerable time.

no doubt you mean well, but there is a certain type of person who likes to micromanage widows’ grief. Don’t be that person.

But there’s no evidence to suggest the friend is attention-seeking, or a “grief thief’. She wasn’t claiming to have been supernaturally visited by a vision of the friend’s dead husband with some kind of message of comfort. She just said she had a dream that he’d featured in.

I dont think this was bad at all.
Simply sharing a nice memory, albeit a dream one. But DH was happy and surrounded by friends.

My cousin died a few years ago. Sometimes I have lovely dreams about him. Sometimes I know he is dead but is telling me he's ok, usually joking about as he did in life. Or Sometimes its more that he is still here living life as it is now.

Occasionally I share these with his wife, especially when they are really full of his personality. She finds it comforting. She dreams of him too and we both like to talk about them. We like to keep his memory alive.

Yes, perhaps youre right and Im over reacting.... but I do think that when someone else suffers a terrible loss, the focus should be on supporting them and not on your own thoughts, dreams and experiences. The primary loss belongs to someone else, and thats part of the ritual and social norms of grieving. Perhaps Im allowing my own bad experiences to colour my view on this. If the widow found it unsettling or inappropriate, then it is.