Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to see him more?

90 replies

SickOfIt · 18/06/2008 21:27

I really didnt want to write in AIBU or even write about this, but i really need to know what you would think.....

Dp who i have been with for almost a year has always been into his own company, but i rarely see him, in the last two weeks for axample i have seen him just the one night!!

Everytime i talk to him about not just wanting a part-time partner he just grumbles and makes exchuses.

Im so lonely that i dont see the point, but i love him so much, what do i do??

Oh and i forgot to add that he goes out almost every week with his friends and i never get invited!!

OP posts:
jammi · 18/06/2008 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jammi · 18/06/2008 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twelvelegs · 18/06/2008 22:08

Find someone who wants the same things and doesn't make you accept things you find unreasonable or soon your self esteem and respect will disappear.

Flashman · 18/06/2008 22:17

how old is your boy friend??

Original poster
SickOfIt · 18/06/2008 22:29

sorry, had to tend to the little one. Its ok Jammi, i do see your point. He's 22. Suppose that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Flashman · 18/06/2008 22:32

No offence here but 22 is about having a laugh - seeing mates, not exactly seeing loads of the girlfriend - I think a lot of 22 yo lads will be very similar. I assume that you are the same age?

Original poster
SickOfIt · 18/06/2008 22:39

Yes im a similar age, but just because he's/im in our early 20s doesnt mean we are typically the young sort, because were not, im definately not anyway!

OP posts:
Flashman · 18/06/2008 22:45

But sadly he does sound like he is - from the picture you have painted.

Imaparenttoo · 18/06/2008 23:07

You are not unreasonable to want to see him more but he clearly does not want to see you more and you have to accept this and move on.

TheSmallClanger · 18/06/2008 23:27

He sounds quite immature. It's a shame if you like him so much, but you obviously need more from your relationships than he wants to give right now.

Flashman · 18/06/2008 23:30

He is immature - he is 22 for gods sake!

SmugColditz · 18/06/2008 23:40

Flashman, I was a mother at 22, and was certainly not immature. YOu don't get freedom to be immature because you have possession of a penis.

Flashman · 18/06/2008 23:44

I am afraid that 90 % of the 22 yo I knew were most certainly like the one described above - and I disagree with you, you get huge freedoms to be immature and twatish because you have an x Chromosome.

themildmanneredjanitor · 18/06/2008 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmugColditz · 18/06/2008 23:52

Why?

Why do you get the freedom to be a twat if you happen to be male?

Why is it acceptable to expect less from people who have testicles?

The Britsh Forces don't seem to think being young and male impairs your judgement in any way. The leaving age for young men leaving school is the same as that for young women. You can join the police or start nursing training at the same age regardless of whether you are male or female - so why do we give license to our young men to be idiots while we expect martyr like levels of patience from our young women?

The only thing I have noticed young men doing more than young women is fighting - because outside nightclubs at 3 am, the young women can often barely stand up, never mind fight.

The biggest idiot I know is a 29 year old woman.

We shouldn't expect less of people fot being a certain gender - they are likely to live up to it purely because they don't have to do anything else. Most people will not take a responsibility nobody asks or expects them to take - if people are precluding young men from having any responsibility then it should not be taken as a gender difference when they don't take any responsibility, but rather as a societal gender bias that works both in their favour and against it.

There is not reason why a 22 year old man should not be at least as responsible as a 22 year old woman - but there are plenty of reasons (such as Flashman's attitude) why he may get away with choosing not to be.

solo · 18/06/2008 23:53

Goodness! you could be talking about my man, but he's nearly 51 still acts like he's single. Even before he started to work away he just did/does as he pleases. Sometimes I go weeks without seeing him. He puts himself first most of the time and takes himself on foreign holidays at a days notice.
I often feel like I'm just suckiing up the crumbs.
Over the last 6 months, I've tried to just accept that that's how it'll be. He lives there. I live here. Put up and shut up or get out(my advice to me). I take the former because I love him. He's not about to change after nearly four years. Is he?!

SmugColditz · 18/06/2008 23:54

PS Dump him, he sounds like a cock lodger

Flashman · 19/06/2008 00:10

Who knows why you get a pass - i am not even arguing that it is fair but not huge amounts are expected of 22 yo males in general. And of course being young and impaired judgement is useful for the armed services - My cousin has just passed the Marines - he does to Helman. in sept and he can't wait, shoot some rag head - not my words - is that sound judgement??

And I don't know about the fighting now - the amount of young women fights I have seen is shocking.

however perhaps it is a a basic animal / evolution thing. Young males are expect to hang around in group - testing their strength and working out their status, read arsing around. Females generally would breed younger - we sometimes forget that under our large brains we are still animals??

Note - I am not saying women are for breeding - or they are less than men or anything like that - Just as human as animal. So don't flame me on that - just if it is a crap idea.

jammi · 19/06/2008 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mindalina · 19/06/2008 10:03

Flashman you have phrased your comment very badly. My DP is 22, as is my friend's DP, they are both fathers, they are both mature responsible people.

22 year old men are not all immature and twattish and frankly I think that's quite an offensive thing to say about men as a whole.

OP I have no advice for you I'm sorry, but I hope things work out for you.

TheFallenMadonna · 19/06/2008 10:08

Is he twattish?

Or does he just not want a full on relationship? Just because some men do at that age, doesn't mean those that don't are twats.

Are you parents?

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:12

Just cought up with this thismorning.

This is why i didnt want to mention he is 22 because automatically people will excuse his behaviour!

I am a mother of a 4yr old child, i have completed a degree as has DP so i really dont see his age as being an excuse.

He isnt twattish atall, thats the thing you see, hes lovely but he does put himself first when it comes to who he spends his time with.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2008 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:14

Can i also add that he CHOSE to be in a relationship with me! knowing full well about my child etc.

OP posts:
solo · 19/06/2008 11:24

So did mine, I had a 6 yo when we met and we have an 18 mo together now. Some men just don't grow up entirely. Thing is, you can't force the issue, you can't change them. They have to do it themselves or it'll all break down anyway. Sorry. I've spent the last 3 years trying to analyse why my Dp does what he does and I have no answers. I have though, started to make myself less available to him(as much as I want to see him), I had a fab new haircut, lost weight, started to look great and boy did he notice! I think he thought I was looking elsewhere. He still does as he pleases, but I do get a bit more attention from him when he is with me which is very nice.