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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to see him more?

90 replies

SickOfIt · 18/06/2008 21:27

I really didnt want to write in AIBU or even write about this, but i really need to know what you would think.....

Dp who i have been with for almost a year has always been into his own company, but i rarely see him, in the last two weeks for axample i have seen him just the one night!!

Everytime i talk to him about not just wanting a part-time partner he just grumbles and makes exchuses.

Im so lonely that i dont see the point, but i love him so much, what do i do??

Oh and i forgot to add that he goes out almost every week with his friends and i never get invited!!

OP posts:
duchesse · 19/06/2008 11:28

Erm...at a guess, he has another partner/ wife or several stashed away. Seriously, investigate further. If he doesn't want to see you, frankly you'd be better off with someone nicer anyway.

nkf · 19/06/2008 11:29

Janitor is right. He's not that into you. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Flashman · 19/06/2008 11:31

By God I did not say all 22 yo men are twatish - just a vast majority - and yes I did not word the above as good as I good have - but it was late to be fair!

And I can't see what having a degree and being a twat have to do with each other.

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:31

Solo- this week i have made myself less available, when he rings or texts me i just say im busy, it has had an effect but not enough so that he has come rushing round to see me.

I have to admit that i at first though maybe there was more to it, but i dont think this is the case, i just dont think he realises that when you het together with someone- you generally spend time with them!

OP posts:
Flashman · 19/06/2008 11:32

Oh and I might put a rider in on the 22 yo and twatish comments - I tend to think it would be those that do not have children - I accept that once a child is there most do grow up.

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:33

Flashman- i never said that because he has a degree he cant possibly be a twat did i?...i think not!

Im saying that he is not just some irresponsible kid!

OP posts:
Snaf · 19/06/2008 11:34

I think you have to accept that you don't both want the same thing. I don't think he's a 'twat' for not wanting a serious relationship at 22, but if he knows you do, he's not being terribly fair.

My advice would be to move on - he probably won't change and you will make yourself miserable hoping that he will.

You have years to find the right bloke, after all!

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2008 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solo · 19/06/2008 11:35

I did consider the extra girlfriend thing, but I personally decided I don't want to know unless I caught him out. Then he'd need to do some explaining. I'm very accommodating, so if he feels the need to go elsewhere, it's not because of anything I have/have not done.
I don't know how it works with OP though...If I was younger, I may have to consider other options, but we all react differently, don't we.

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:37

Oh god there are so many more reasons why i cant just leave him

My little girl calles him daddy, he is not biologically by he is a bloody good daddy.

How do i walk away from that??

OP posts:
Flashman · 19/06/2008 11:37

Well in that case then if it is not cause he is a flakey 22 yo - then to be very blunt he is not interested and it is you.

jammi · 19/06/2008 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nkf · 19/06/2008 11:38

Your little girls shouldn't be calling him daddy. Sorry if I sound bossy but really, this is a non starter.

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:39

What do you mean by 'it is you' falshman?

OP posts:
Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:40

No he sees my little girl all the time, he constantly takes her out, god this is hard to explain so im not sure ill bother

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2008 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 19/06/2008 11:41

Are you being serious?
He takes your daughter our "constantly" but you hardly ever see him?

Snaf · 19/06/2008 11:43

Well, if you want advice you need to explain the situation, sickofit. Otherwise we're a bit in the dark!

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2008 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 19/06/2008 11:45

Uncomfortable is putting it mildly.

Flashman · 19/06/2008 11:46

Sickofit - Do you want to start again with full details then - how can you ask people a view without all information?

Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:49

He gives me a break from her because i have work to do and i dont get a break anyother way, he takes her to ewatch football etc.

I trust him with my dd 100% so please do not think that there is anymore to it than that.

He comes round regullarly before work but the pint i was trying to make is that he rarelly comes round at night to spend time with me.

God i sound so naive i know i do but i assure you im not!

I know that if i was not the op i would be saying the same as the rest of you, but not everyone is the same!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:50

Sorry for my bad spelling, im rushing my typing

OP posts:
Original poster
SickOfIt · 19/06/2008 11:52

I tell you what- im going to start this whole thing again,because im not being very clear am i? just give me a min

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 19/06/2008 11:52

Sickofit, this sounds really horrid. He wants to spend time with your child and spends time alone with her but would rather not spend time with you??? How does it seem to you? How old is your child? Wouldn't it be a little foolish to allow your dc the emotional attachment to a man that isn't really serious about you?