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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to see him more?

90 replies

SickOfIt · 18/06/2008 21:27

I really didnt want to write in AIBU or even write about this, but i really need to know what you would think.....

Dp who i have been with for almost a year has always been into his own company, but i rarely see him, in the last two weeks for axample i have seen him just the one night!!

Everytime i talk to him about not just wanting a part-time partner he just grumbles and makes exchuses.

Im so lonely that i dont see the point, but i love him so much, what do i do??

Oh and i forgot to add that he goes out almost every week with his friends and i never get invited!!

OP posts:

WilyWombat · 19/06/2008 12:21

There is a reason why girls in their 20s date older men thats because on the whole boys in their 20s just want to have fun with their makes and f*ck you about. Of course there are exceptions but your bf doesnt sound like one of them.

He should want to spent time with you...if he doesnt them im sure there is someone out there who will

Flashman · 19/06/2008 12:24

WW - Male or Female?

OverMyDeadBody · 19/06/2008 12:25

talking to him sounds like the best plan, but you shouldn't ask or expect him to change, you should find someone who is compatible with you and expects the same things from a relationship.

WilyWombat · 19/06/2008 12:33

Flashman...are you asking if I am male or female? If so Female

Flashman · 19/06/2008 12:37

I was just wondering - I got totally flamed for making the same point earlier - I just assumed that you were male.

Rosylily · 19/06/2008 12:38

sickofit you are still just getting to know each other and you are both young, this is maybe the typical thing I think where the commitment grows and deepens over time.

Everyone is different, and it is perfectly likely that no matter how committed your dp is to you, he may always be a bit of a free spirit.
And you may always be yearning for more.

I am attracted to this type of guy and finally realised that it is because I too like my space.
So I have a long distance marriage and I'm forever missing my dh and wish he were more involved, but if he were glued to me I would feel claustraphobic so I accept that I can't have it all.

It is your choice, if you want to stay with him then I would advise that you get on with your own interests and don't put your own life on hold waiting for him. I wasted too much time waiting around for my dh in the past. 12 years later he is still totally devoted to me but I still don't see him much!

WilyWombat · 19/06/2008 12:43

Ahh interesting - did my opinion sound male?

Ive always been of the opinion that I would rather be on my own that with the wrong person...I think a lot of women are afraid to be alone or think there is something wrong with them if they dont have a partner. I think it just shows you are a strong person and will not accept being second best. I have a lovely hubby who thinks I am wonderful but have briefly dated my share of loser f*ckwits.

Flashman · 19/06/2008 13:02

Well it was the only female opinion which was the same as mine

WilyWombat · 19/06/2008 13:08

Well ive never been of the opinion that you can change a man long term into what you want...even if they change in the first flush of love they will soon revert back once the novelty wears off. Far better to give it up as a bad idea move on to someone who IS what you want

STILL we had better not hijack sickofits thread!!

girlywhirly · 19/06/2008 13:35

WilyWombat has made two crucial points. You cannot change people, and having any bloke isn't better than no bloke at all.

Sickofit, my feeling is that you should end this relationship and free yourself to enable you to meet someone who will love you for who you are. Your "partner" is really just playing at this, and being a "dad". You deserve so much better. Find alternative childcare so that you are not relying on him, and restrict contact with your child. It is unbelievably self-centred of him to think that he can have a relationship with your daughter, while ignoring you.

Original poster

SickOfIt · 20/06/2008 10:38

Well heres an update for anyone thats interested.

I had a big chat with dp last night. I told him everything that i was feeling and mentioned things that were pointed out on this thread too (although i didnt mention id actually started a thread about him)

So heres how it went- i said although its great he's got a good realationship with dd, i would also like to be included. He said that as regards to taking her off my hands he thought he was doing me a favour, which to a point he was, he said he just thought if he gave me a break then id releive some of my stress (i am a stress head).

He kept saying he was sorry, but i said i didnt want an apology. I gave him a chance to just call it quits but he said thats the last thing he wants.

He said he knows he's been a twat as regards to not really seeing me, and that he's not even sure why. I told him i deserved better and he said that from now on he is going to make more of an effort.

So as far as im concerned things have been sorted. He even bought me a chinese orchid for my new house to say sorry

OP posts:

Rosylily · 20/06/2008 10:46

Glad to hear you had a good chat with him. Hope it all works out for you, he sounds nice.

Ripeberry · 20/06/2008 11:35

If you don't see him for days on end, where on earth does he stay at night?
Does he go back to his parents house or stay with friends?
Seems VERY strange behaviour, you cannot call it a relationship.
Get out there and find yourself a better man or better none at all.
Is he contactable at night? mobile number ect?
I would get a private detective onto him pronto, but they cost a fortune.
I wonder how many other women he has "dangling". Sorry to be harsh, but he is a selfish person who does not deserve you or your daughter.

Ripeberry · 20/06/2008 11:38

Sorry, did not notice the update!, but you need to make sure he sticks to his promises and that it does not all tail off...

Original poster

SickOfIt · 20/06/2008 14:09

Dont worry, i wont be letting things fall into the same routine again! no way.

Oh by the way, we dont live together, i have my own place and he has his, so thats where he spends his nights, should have mentioned that one

OP posts:

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