to want to see him more?

[SickOfIt]

I really didnt want to write in AIBU or even write about this, but i really need to know what you would think.....

Dp who i have been with for almost a year has always been into his own company, but i rarely see him, in the last two weeks for axample i have seen him just the one night!!

Everytime i talk to him about not just wanting a part-time partner he just grumbles and makes exchuses.

Im so lonely that i dont see the point, but i love him so much, what do i do??

Oh and i forgot to add that he goes out almost every week with his friends and i never get invited!!

Ok, so i met DP last year as we were on the same course.

I have a 3.6 yr old dd who he has taken to straight away.

We have been on a few holidays as a family which are great.

We often saw each other but lately i dont see him as much.

He takes dd out because he wants to, because it gives me a break and his mum and dad love to see her too.

He is perfect in every other way, he has never been in a long term relationship before because of his commitment to his work.

So the point i was trying to make is, what do i do when someone doesnt understand the importance of seeing each other regullarly.

Sickofit, I think he's a bit weird and immature.... to think he can be 'daddy' to your daughter and not a decent partner to you.

I want to hit myself because im so fuckin confused!!!

Things just arent as black and white as i wish they were.

So am I right in thinking then that commitment to work - this is his first job since uni??

show him the thread

I can perfectly see actually how it would be possible for a young man to have paternal feelings towards a child they've known for a long time. It's lovely, doing all these fun things with a lovely toddler, boy or girl, whom you can return when they get cranky or need feeding some vegetables.

I do think that you need to discuss your own relationship with him, and put to him that you do not feel that you are seeing enough of him. I don't think that age is at all relevant (why do people focus to extinction on age on these threads??) unless there is a discrepancy between your levels of commitment to each other- but then as someone pointed out below, that is not necessarily age-related either.

Sorry to be blunt but I just think it sounds like a complete non-starter to me. If he wanted to see you more, he'd make the time. He's not bothered about doing so - he's made that pretty clear - even though you have told him you're unhappy and lonely. His 'commitment to his job' is a red herring imo.

Your dd is young enough to get over it. And so are you, for that matter.

commitment to Job - I am not sure about - first job after university is vital - makes a huge difference to where you will end up in later life.

• this is assuming that this is first job since uni - and stand to be corrected on this.

I do have to agree that being around to take your DD out to 'give you a break' but not being around in the evenings to have an adult relationship, is seriously odd.

I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear. but there is just no way that is NOT really odd.

Is he still taking dd out as much as he was? Is it only seeing you alone which has declined lately?

are you going to listen to anyone sickofit?

I must admit I agree with colditz and her 'lodger' comments

"first job after university is vital - makes a huge difference to where you will end up in later life"

god what a load of pretencious bollocks

Utter rubbish about first job after uni. Makes no bloody difference to anything. I can't remember what my first job after graduating was.

McDonalds?

Of course it does - you get your degree and then fanny around and see if you are doing as well as someone who has been focused!!

Duchesse- thankyou.

I have decided to have a talk with him, if he doesnt shape up he's gone, its as plain as that.

DD has called him daddy by her own accord might i add, her reall dad isnt here anymore.

Anyway maybe i will give you an update after i have spoken to him?

Because im not sure i have got anything else i can say.

Flashman - do you know me?!

My first job was actually as an editoral assistant in a university publishing house. Now I'm a midwife. I rest my case.

Oh and I remember my first job aftre uni - it was rather exicting!! It is only now that I am bitter and cynical and will waste hours at work on Mumsnet!

Ryobi- i am listening i really am, i just dont want people to get the wrong idea.

If i didnt think there was anything wrong then i woulnt have posted on here would i.

Im gonna come back to this in a bit.

Cant keep defending him can i, dont even know why i am.

Thankyou for all your comments.

I am going to get flamed here but still - it is different for males - generally we don't take a gap for children - now I accept this is changing - see my stay at home comments.

Or its a crock - and I accept I know nothing - I really don't want to have to argue on this point - I am rasing it and moving on!!

Well until you talk to him properly you wont know where you stand but please update later

I dont understand the 'we dont take a gap for children' comment.

I don't think his behaviour is odd, but I do think it sounds like you two are incompatible. His expectations of what are involved in a relationship are obviously different to yours, so it's not going to last is it?

I do think you should think twice about letting your DD call him daddy, especially as you've only been together a year.