Context to follow but as the higher earner AIBU to want DH to take a step back from his career so we have a better balance at home and with our DS?
Both DH and I currently work FT pressured jobs (corporate so it’s definitely not life or death!) - I work over 4 days, he tends to work longer hours due to the industry. I’m in a Director level role earning 50% more than he is in a sales mgmt role. We have one DS, 4yo. We earn good money, have the usual mortgage / bills etc to pay for, nothing out of the ordinary.
I particularly struggle with the fact that DS spends a lot of time (4 full days per week feels like a lot to me!) at nursery/with grandparents, but whilst he’s been at nursery it’s worked okay. DS is happy and settled.
Facing the transition to school has us both concerned about finding available childcare, until recently I was fully remote, I now attend the office 1-2 days per week. We will need wrap around care at least 3 if not 4 days per week, plus all the school hols. (I plan to have at least 1 day per week where I work from home so can do drop and pick up etc).
I appreciate we are in a fortunate position for me to even be able to consider this because some families, due to affordability, have no choice but to have both parents work FT, or are single parent households. That is one of the reasons I struggle tbh, because it feels like greed rather than necessity that DS will be cared for by lots of people other than us.
We could afford to cover outgoings and live within our means on my salary alone but not on my DH salary.
We both acknowledge life would be easier and preferable for DS if one of us worked at least PT, and we both grew up in households where mum was available for drop off/pick up everyday and all the holidays.
But my DH wouldn’t even contemplate altering his job/trying to look for something more flexible or PT. AIBU to want him to rethink? It makes much more sense financially for me to be the main earner, even if just for a short time.
Yes we could sell our house and downsize, and cut back so we could live within our means on his salary but that feels like a lot of sacrifice for all of us so he gets to keep his job…
I love him and want him to be happy, fulfilled, etc. and imagine if he did step back for a few years he’d probably hate it and resent us both for it, which is genuinely equally gutting and infuriating, if I wasn’t earning so much more, despite absolutely loving my career, I’d do it as I truly believe it would benefit us all during these short years while DS is little, sad he doesn’t feel the same.